That is, while standing in the queue at the passport office, you can be at first dissatisfied with the slowness of the employees, and an hour later - feel anger at the ladies breaking into the office without waiting to "just ask". The aggression is often considered by psychologists as an alternative to depression, because in case of failure it allows to blame others for what happened, and not for oneself. For example, when we are thrown, anger covers the pain of the break. Instinctively, in response to suffering, anger arises, a desire to strike back. Since aggression is a feeling that is easier to experience (in comparison with fear or pain), it often hides behind itself what is more difficult to experience. And if in this case to start acting from aggression (and not from the primary feeling), mistakes are inevitable. It is important to be able to see what (maybe) is hidden beneath it. Anger, brought to the boiling point - a bad weapon.
How correctly to show anger?
Only at first sight anger is a useless or even harmful emotion. Such conclusions do not take into account very useful functions. After all, anger can motivate us to eliminate or change what caused it to experience. There is no bad emotion: "This is a signal system, through which we understand what we need and what does not, what to strive for, and what to move away from. Anger points to some important and as yet unrealized need. " If we can not express it openly, he is looking for workarounds. It is safer to be angry with family porcelain, a little more dangerous - for domestic animals, very risky - for close people. In our culture it is customary to suppress anger, which is not entirely correct. Chronically inhibited aggression manifests itself in pain in the back, heart, stomach. Psychologists, of course, urge to be angry with the mind - on a cold head to look for the cause of anger. Correctly expressing emotions means expressing them indissolubly for oneself and others, and so to achieve the desired. And in general it is better to look for the need behind them, rather than shaking the air with their expression. But when there is a lot of aggression, you can "drain" the surplus in different ways. Freud also wrote about sublimation. If you are not, attentive to the feelings that you experience, you will not be able to make your own decisions, it will make you emotions.
How to cope with the anger of others?
The first thing you want to do when you see an angry person is turn away. Then comes curiosity - and what is it with him? The desire to help arises last and not always. Discuss the causes of anger with those who are under the power of this feeling at the moment, meaningless. And to talk about what happened to him, when passions have subsided, is very useful. Only here often it seems to us unnecessary to wave fists after a fight. But both for the aggressor, and for your relations with him (unless, of course, it's not a stranger) it is harmful to pretend that nothing happened. If you want the situation to not happen again, you need to make it clear to the attacker: his actions were unpleasant for you. And then give an opportunity to talk about the reasons for this behavior. Our old primitive friend did not know the best way to express anger, than to wave a club. Fortunately, over time, people invented a lot of reliable and socially approved methods of "letting off steam" - sports, physical labor, art, literature, needlework, computer games. But the most effective of them is simply to say what you really feel right now.