When a husband leaves, it always hurts. Even if the family life was not happy. And even if the husband was not particularly fond of. This is human nature. When a man who has given you at least once to understand what distinguishes you among others, who can not live without you, that he considers you to be the best of all, suddenly again "pushes" you into the "general series" - this can not but wound, not sting ...
Why does it hurt?
A husband's care not only undermines self-esteem, hurts self-esteem, but leaves a number of other gaping gaps in a woman's life. The habitual scheme of pastime is falling apart. It is found out that the circle of common acquaintances partly consists of friends of the husband and communication with them is broken. There is no one to teach, there is no one to blame for the fact that he ruined your life, there is nobody to spoil, there is no one to argue about, whose turn to take out the garbage and wash the dishes.
Demonstrate a new outfit or boast of its amazing pies women, of course, can and at work. But to play in the "innocent victim", in the "person who keeps everything" or, conversely, in the "helpless girl who needs care", and in other similar games at work is not always possible. In families, however, often these games become a kind of ritual, and when they stop, a woman feels that she is missing something.
And, of course, left without a husband, a woman feels more vulnerable materially.
It seems to her that the only way out of this situation is the return of her husband. And she will not be dissuaded by any arguments that he is not the only man and their relationship was not something unique.
And if the man was really the only one, the suffering only increases. This often lies in wait for women, very selective in communication. As a rule, such people have a small circle of close friends. And every person in this circle - "in weight of gold." Each is comparable to a unique work of art, where one can not completely compensate for the loss of another.
Why did he leave?
This is what you need to try to understand first. What did he lack in communication with you? Or maybe something was in excess? More than necessary? Do not rush to answer this important question. Think carefully. Even if the husband, leaving, could not more clearly formulate his claims. Many people avoid talking about painful problems for them and substituting the real reason for the fictitious.
To make sure that you correctly understand the reasons for your rupture, remember once again, in what situations your husband often spoiled his mood. When he brought into the house a company of tipsy friends, and you demonstratively rattled the dishes in the kitchen, not considering it necessary to hide displeasure? Or when you flirted with another man? Or when you prevented him from "calmly" watching football with conversations that again there is no money and that he does not deal with children?
When you found out why the husband left, think about whether you can give him what he wants, if you have another chance. If you still think that his desires are a whim to be stopped, and a husband needs re-education, it's hardly worth trying to return it. It is better to look around for another man whose needs will be more consistent with yours.
Rules for clarifying relations
Talk to him. But only without complaints, accusations and excuses. Since the man is already ready for this in advance and is preparing to rebuff. If at least one accusation breaks from your lips or he reads a reproach in your eyes, the whole conversation turns into another series of clarifying the relationship, which will further alienate you from each other. Demonstrate that you fully acknowledge his freedom and do not claim anything. Just want to understand what happened, where you were wrong. Each of us is so rarely listened attentively in life that few people will resist the temptation to express their sore.
Do not bargain: "I promise to improve, and you return to the family." In a woman, the role of the victim can be combined with a feeling of love, for a man - only in rare "abnormal" cases. Change not for fun, for a while, but for good and for good. Because they understood the rightness of a man. Because, having changed, you have learned to listen, understand and respect the desires of others. We learned to respect ourselves. Do not in any way demonstrate that you are ready to wait for it forever.