Why cursing is bad?
Offensive and obscene lexicon is present in many languages and cultures. Swearing has very ancient roots and serious reasons for existence. Philologists and linguists discuss the problem of scolding from a scientific point of view. For them, "motherly speech" is nothing more than a linguistic form to be studied, like all the others. But for a huge number of people in everyday life, this speech becomes the norm of life. It boils down to the simplest of items connected, as a rule, with sex life. With the help of a few special words meaning sexual organs or sexual actions, many people transmit the whole range of their feelings and experiences. The same words denote the horror before the dismissal and the admiration for the sunset. After a while it is already difficult to actually distinguish these experiences. And even more so, to convey them in other words. In the course of communication, problems arise that lead to misunderstanding and mutual rejection. And if you add an emotional "message" of abusive words, then the situation in general becomes confusing.
Observe and draw conclusions
If you notice annoying words, carefully observe the child. You have to find out:
• In what cases does he use bad words?
• how meaningfully they are pronounced;
• Does it use whole abusive language;
• Does this happen alone (you heard something by accident while in another room or out of the child's field of vision) or intentionally taken out to the public to get attention;
• what kind of reaction to his words he expects, whether he achieves what he wants, repeatedly repeating "forbidden speeches";
• whether he insists on his own after he has been made a comment;
• wants to "talk about it" or evades the conversation with the usual "I will not" anymore;
• How he reacts if he hears abusive speech from others (ignores, shows increased attention, repeats what he heard). Does the difference between cursing children and adults?
• how it reacts, if it becomes a witness of how close people are arguing;
Summarizing these observations, you can come to more or less objective conclusions about the causes of abuse in a child's speech. And thus to apply the best ways to confront it. Why does the child swear? At every age, children have different reasons for profanity.
3-5 years . Rough words are not something negative, they just repeat, like any other words.
5-7 years . Children use, as a rule, any words arbitrarily, that is, consciously, at will. This is either the usual vocabulary, or rebellion against the foundations, depending on the circumstances. Do not ignore the sexuality, which, if done forbidden, is discussed and assimilated only by forbidden words and expressions. However, to the full extent this can not be avoided. The main thing is to instill in the child a sense of proportion and dignity in these matters.
By the age of 8 and up to 10-12 years of age , all children already know perfectly where to and where they can not swear. They can assert themselves in peer companies, shock adults. Of course, these frameworks are very mobile, depend on external and internal circumstances.
What to do if a child swears
Do not fall into a riot at all. Laughter is also better to hold back. The reaction must be unambiguous, but not violent. Keeping calm, it will be easier for you to assess the situation and inspire confidence in the correctness of your position to the child. If you think that words are spoken by accident, do not react at all until they are repeated again. If the child clearly uses the word out of place, but persistently - then kindly and firmly explain to him his mistake. Ask them not to use such words in the future.
One boy, in response to a stream of abuse on the part of his comrade, said regretfully that he "stinks from his mouth" when he utters bad words, and with disgust clamped his nose. Thus, the brave daring of the motherfucker was reduced to nothing. Children are very sensitive to such remarks. Here, the wedge is practically knocked out by a wedge, only without engaging in obscene lexicon. That in our time itself is a moral victory.
If it is obvious that the kid acts consciously, but not maliciously, let him briefly and strictly understand that you do not wish to hear such words from him from now on. Do not blame and do not blame, but explain why you are unhappy. The most unpleasant and difficult case is when the child deliberately tries to shock and anger you. Or put it in a bad light. As a rule, persuasion, let alone threats, only aggravate the situation. It remains only to pull yourself together and act according to the circumstances. You can leave the place and the society in which it happens. Especially if the child himself is interested in it. Or use the "dirty mouth" technique. You can punish a child by isolating him from other children and demanding that he repeat bad words as many times as he has enough strength. Is this method questionable for you? But psychologists say that, having satisfied the deficit of one's need, a person involuntarily begins to feel satiety, and then disgust.
In any case, do not succumb to any obscene blackmail. If the child does not understand and accepts no explanation, constantly and involuntarily swears, then, most likely, it's time to intervene neuropsychologists. Because the problem can lie in deeper layers than usual.
Explain the meaning of abusive words when the child directly asks about it. And do not mislead him. Otherwise, if the child simply conducts a test of truthfulness, you will lose his confidence. If you believe the wrong explanation, you yourself can get yourself into an awkward and comical position. There are plenty of such examples. Do not melt if you say that many words denote sexual organs or actions associated with communication of the sexes. Use the language as much as possible, but not street. You still have to raise a sexual issue sooner or later. So be, as they say, always ready. Be sure to find out how the child himself understands the meaning of such words. Perhaps their use is accidental.
Who is to blame for the fact that the child swears
It is known that "on the mirror there is nothing to blame, if the face is crooked." If you swear like a shoemaker, there's really nothing to be surprised at. Children simply copy the behavior of parents, not dividing it into good and bad. Yes, they still have nothing to compare! But then, probably, this problem does not excite the parents. The family speaks the same language, understandable to each other.
It's another matter, when you yourself, without a child or with him, use a "strong word" occasionally. For example, to enhance the emotional coloring of speech and its greater lucidity for others. Why are you then deeply shocked when the child "returns" your repertoire? You can, but he can not? Completeness, the child does not understand this policy of double standards! If swearing he hears, first of all, from you, then he has practically no chances for a clean speech. Do you hope that in his teens he will not swear to you for spite? Hardly. By this time, other, no less authoritative examples for imitation will emerge. So, if you do not want to go to ... and ... in the future until old age, start with yourself.
What does it mean? Just stop swearing! For a start, at least at home. It's no easier than quitting smoking, you'll see. Constantly watch your speech and your mood. So it's easier for you to figure out yourself when you swear from evil, and when - out of habit. If you cope with yourself, you will have the right to hope and demand to eradicate abuse from the younger members of the family. For families where parents and children have trusting, friendly relationships, built not only on the age hierarchy, but also on the feeling of comradeship and hostel, you can give the obstinate abuseer an opportunity to participate not only in your own, but also in your re-education.
Mother made a note to the child, and he in reply accused her of using bad words. Since the charge was fair, the mother did not refuse, but, having apologized, offered the child to help her get rid of the bad habit. The mother does not usually refuse to offer orders. But the kid had to comply with the task, and he happily exchanged his nascent habit of dirty words for valuable pedagogical experience.
Of course, the threshold of the admissibility of certain experiments is determined within the family. But take action is necessary. After all, abuse is not harmless! The intrafamily mat corrupts. He verbally confirms the non-necessity of respectful, polite, precautionary relations between native people. Since abusive words, as a rule, carry an aggressively negative load, the habit to them makes such a world outlook and attitude. And no philosophy about the "nationality" of this phenomenon does not save.
Bad influence
Immunity to profanity is first instilled in the family. If parents' speech is not full of "strong" expressions, family members treat each other with respect, attention and tenderness - there is little chance that the mother will become the second mother tongue for the child. However, for many children from your child's environment, profanity has become the norm of life. Perhaps you will not be able to get rid of these words completely, without changing the cardinal society around (garden, street, class). And this rarely happens.
The most important thing from parents is to tell the child that this way of communication is not normal. And it does not matter that everyone allegedly says so. Unfortunately, this is complicated by the fact that you yourself should think so. If the child does not manage to stop cursing among peers (this usually applies to older children, from 8 to 9 years old), then at least he should not be swearing into the house. The child should clearly draw the line between the different ways of communication. And what if the child is thirsting to resist comrades who swear? Try to equip him with advice, lose possible or typical situations.
Alternate words
The word "pancake", innocent in itself, more than once already became a topic for discussion. Often children (and not only), perfectly aware of the irrelevance of the abuse, try to suppress a bad habit. They substitute unequivocally bad words for consonant, but not included in the taboo list. But if the child says "pancake", almost no one doubts the word-synonym. And particularly zealous parents subject word-substitutes to no less persecution than real mate.
Here you can not do without important reservations. Short abusive words are often strengthened in speech as word-parasites. They carry a semantic load no more than the words "mean", "here", "shorter". For children whose speech is still developing, such a disease poses a serious danger. All the more serious that the famous words of the three letters produce a far more serious effect on the listener than interjections, exclamations and ordinary words-insertions.
Then the child needs to be weaned precisely from the "littering" of speech, without emphasizing the special attention to the fact that it's not good to swear. After all, in this case, no one thought to swear! If you found out together with the child that bad words do not serve a special purpose, but are used as "parasites", then first suggest replacing them in other words. And only then go to the maximum eradication of "pancakes" and "trees." But do not expect complete destruction. After all, you can not forbid from time to time to say "ah!" Or "ooh!".
All members of the family, including grandparents, uncles and aunts, should take part in eradicating profanity. If relatives constantly argue in the presence of your child, who is to blame and what to do, it's pointless to argue. Explain and coordinate their policies with them. Perhaps you will have to be firm, demanding that relatives behave decently, even in the presence of the child. And, of course, try not to swear at the same time!