There is a fundamental difference between the concepts of shyness and secrecy or gloominess. A shy child wants to communicate, just does not know how and is afraid. A closed - does not want and can not. He resides in his own world, allowing only his closest relatives. Only they can pick up to him "key": mom, dad, pet cat or hamster. Closure is often written off by parents for a special giftedness and development, they say, such a small genius with ordinary children is simply not interesting. However, psychologists unanimously affirm that this is an erroneous opinion! These children, "cases" are always deeply at heart in their heart because they can not live a normal life together with their peers. They do not even always understand the cause of their grief, carrying it into adulthood.
The reasons for isolation and gloominess
These reasons usually lie in the earliest childhood. More precisely - in the success of pregnancy. Children who are born very prematurely, for up to 33 weeks, are more likely to become introverts (self-centered people). The reason for this is the long separation of the baby from the mother immediately after birth (premature babies are placed in a kuvez - a special apparatus that maintains a certain temperature, humidity, etc.). At the same time, it is not necessary to write off everything only on the fact of prematurity. Children tend to withdraw into themselves, if they are sick, tired or absorbed in some problem. True, the child is withdrawn and sullen in this case, not always, but only for a while.
The situation is much more serious, if unsociability has arisen because of any circumstances from outside. For example, a schoolboy may close in response to bullying schoolmates if they tease him for stammering, completeness or wearing glasses. Small children can become isolated in response to quarrels between parents. In the first case, the child is fenced off from reality by an imaginary wall, because it is more convenient than constantly trying to protect oneself from offenders. In the second, it seems to the kid that the best way to reconcile mum and dad is to become less noticeable, because children always blame themselves in all adult conflicts.
A closed child can also be due to the fact that it simply does not communicate with children. For example, he often gets sick, does not attend kindergarten, spends all his time with his mother or grandmother. At first, it upsets him: he is constantly dismissed ("There is no time for us to play with you, we have enough of our own affairs"), and then he starts to get into the taste. After all, peers can break toys, and take away at all, not that mom and grandmother.
But is it closed?
At the same time, it is always necessary first to find out whether your child-person is really in a case or you yourself have thought up this problem. If a child does not have a lot of friends and likes to play alone - it's not closed. If the parents are extroverts, then the restrained attitude of the child towards those around them is almost a catastrophe. They think, as it may not like to communicate with people, it's so interesting? !! But we must understand that each person has his own temperament and character. If you do not imagine life outside of society, this does not mean that everyone should be the same. According to psychologists, if your child is happy to attend a kindergarten or school, but at the same time communicates not with everyone in a row, but only with the chosen ones, this is not at all a glum child and not even a closed one. As in the case when the child went for a walk with his peers, but while they are running around with the ball across the field, he is rooting for them from the stands or looking at pebbles.
It's another matter if the child really hides in the sink. In this case, the problem requires urgent intervention, otherwise the child will continue to jar and frighten strangers before the end of life, an unfamiliar situation. He can not fully communicate with others and as a result will be rejected by them. It is necessary to provide competent help to a small nonsense in time, otherwise it will become overgrown with new complexes, which will prevent him from living a normal life.
How to help a child unsociable
Closed and sullen, unsociable and notorious child needs the help of a psychologist. But something can do and the parents themselves.
- MAKE MORE ATTENTION TO THE CHILD, regardless of his age. All children need parental care. There is no need to be afraid of embracing the child with tenderness, hugs and kisses - all these children need a little more than the others. In addition, you can caress and hug the child, without indulging in this all his wishes.
- DO NOT ATTEMPT TO PRAISE. Children can not realistically assess their achievements and victories. Who, if not adults, is able to raise their self-esteem?
- INVITE FRIENDS TO YOURSELF. Let the child get used to finding around a wide variety of people. Even better, if guests come with their children. In a familiar and native environment, a closed child will be more quickly liberated and learn how to communicate with peers. You, in turn, will be easier to adjust his behavior, suggest how to behave in the team.
- CONSIDER HOLIDAYS TOGETHER, encourage the child's performances in public. Let him read poetry, sing under karaoke, dance, take part in a home play. Get him out of the state of habitual apathy, arrange funny games, allowing him to win - the taste of victory always brings back the faith in himself.
- ADMIT THE CHILD TO THE NEW. Closed children always differ conservatism. It is important for them to feel stability in everything: in food, in sleep, in games, in fairy tales for the night - everything for them should be on schedule. It is not necessary to deprive the baby of this feeling, however you need to sometimes diversify the regime of the day. For example, an evening fairy tale can be substituted for a cartoon, a walk or a heart-to-heart talk.
- REMEMBER THAT THE STABILITY FOR THE CLOSED CHILD IS A KEY CONCEPT. For example, if a child is not put on a playground, do not force him to sit in the center of the sandbox or force him to slide off the hill with a "locomotive". For starters, let him play around with the rest of the children, and then you can gently try to bring him closer to his peers. Only very unobtrusively and delicately.