As a child, my mother taught - do not open the door to strangers, do not go with someone else's uncle ... But we want so much to have a trusting relationship between people! And trust - it is or is initially, or it is not ... Is it not so?
We trust our classmates - and we are in a difficult situation. We look at the stranger with suspicion at a stop, and suddenly we get help from him. Undoubtedly, trusting relations between people develop over the years. But there are exceptions to this rule ...
Of course, trust takes time. And the older we become, the more days, months (and sometimes - years) are needed to establish trustful relationships between people. To a new colleague look narrowly, they reluctantly talk about being more personal with him. And if a newcomer goes into another office, where there is a lively discussion of any details, then for a while the discussion goes silent.
How to win trust?
Carnegie is unlikely to win the trust. On flattering comments you can build only a friendly relationship. Or even vice versa - to restore a person against himself. Do not earn the trust and gifts - rather it is cultivated by attention, care. After all, no one wants our good attitude to be "bought".
What prevents confidential relations between people?
Now the conditions of life have changed somewhat. Compare how the world changed if earlier in the villages the doors were supported with a broom (as a sign that the owners do not have a house), and now, going to the field, they lock it. And in a city to create a trusting relationship is even more difficult. This is hampered by:
- Misunderstanding
- Different goals (rather than trying to use me?)
- Pursuing ("You, as my girlfriend, should ...")
- Alienation and an increasing desire for loneliness (everyone in his apartment, locked the door and fenced himself off from the whole world)
- Sales among friends and acquaintances (their services, network marketing, etc.)
To impose one's point of view is to spoil relations with one's own hands. We can not be trusted if we are "adjusted" to our stereotypes and stereotypes. The stormy indignation about "inconsistency" is a direct way to lie in order to simplify one's life with this or that person.
Trust needs time
Do not be frightened by the lack of trust between people who are barely familiar. It is difficult to say that this is the norm, rather - trust is different.
... We trust fellow travelers in transport, but we constantly monitor that the bag was closed and no one else's hand was digging into it.
... We trust our colleagues, but we do projects alone.
... We trust our relatives, but we do not tell them everything in our faces about what we think about - and this is natural.
Trust relationships mature for a long time. First we allow a certain "basic level", natural for any cultural person. For example, that a friend we give a phone to will not call at three o'clock in the morning.
Then, if the "check" is passed successfully, let the person learn about us (and accordingly learn from him) even more.
Finally, a colleague with whom you work for more than three years can give you the key to the apartment, "where the money lies", so that you water the flowers and feed the cat while he is on vacation ...
Sometimes we get some kind of "bonuses" of trust, sometimes - we are "watched" - do not we get it ... And despite what you know about yourself (yes, white and fluffy, correct to the point!), This stage is necessary endure.
Such different "trust"
> Trust between colleagues is when you can leave the computer turned on, do not set passwords everywhere, do not close your locker with a key. On the other hand, the elementary concepts of someone else's property, even within the same cabinet, make it possible to comfortably exist and build trust relationships.
> Trust between the author and the "producer", which promotes the project. If you come up with something unusual, unusual, your project, of course, can steal. But on the other hand, if you do not "substitute", if you protect yourself - then you can trust. For example, to identify authorship, tell the idea, but not the technology itself, as you are going to do it.
> Trust between relatives - when you know that you do not need to wait for a blow in the back. That you will not be evicted from the apartment by fraud or will not be left in the street with a child and without a highchair for feeding. And here it is important to look closely, listen to what the person is saying and doing. So, if such a situation has happened - then the relationship in which the disaster occurred, were not real. And you, perhaps, missed something ...
Mutuality and interest
So, trust is the most accurate criterion of relations. If there is mutual trust, then there is respect, and sincere, genuine interest. Continue such a relationship - a pleasure, and enjoy their result can be without looking back and fear.
Healthy relationships = trust.