Children, these little Parthians, intuitively get their arrows-words in the most painful places. But why do we take offense at the words "I do not love you"? Offended, such big - on small. With all our worldly experience pout, turn away, weep, as if we ourselves are 5 years old? And what they really want to tell us, desperately crying out: "Bad! Wicked! "? represent the top 7 most "offensive" children's phrases, which explained and "deciphered" psychologists.
1. "Mom, you are so wicked!" These words were heard by every mother in her life (if, of course, she is not a complete sadist, whose children go on tiptoe and are afraid of "wrongly" looking at their parents). Most often on the part of the child, they mean the following: I do not like what you are doing right now; I'm not happy with your behavior; I'm mad at you. With this phrase, he wants to achieve a simple effect - that parents change their behavior. That is, they simply manipulate them.
Moms in this phrase often feel a threat to their very maternal role. After all, the mother is always kind, and the evil ones are the stepmother, mother-in-law and other characters. Therefore, my mother often "jumps on a white horse" and starts angrily screaming, which increases the effect of the above phrase. And you just need to say something good - what else are you capable of after such a phrase. For example: "I'm not angry, I just sometimes get mad at you" or "Well, not that evil, it would be evil - I would ... (something funny, unloading the atmosphere)."
2. "Oh, Mom, do not be la-la! (mom / dad, stop lying!) ". Before you take this for unheard boorishness, take into account the age of the child! Children under 5 years old often simply repeat other people's words, not understanding their meaning. When children accuse Mom or Dad of lying, it can deeply offend parents. There are two reasons for this. First, the child becomes in relation to us in the "position" of the elder, evaluates us - and refuses to us in his confidence. Secondly, it's even more offensive if you realize that a child is right in something if he really caught you in a lie. In this case, try not to be angry with him, but change your own behavior. This is more constructive than punishing your child.
3. "Yes, I will not be such a fool as you are in 18 (20, 30 ...) years!" Or "I'm not such a fool as you - to spend my whole life as an engineer at a factory!" With phrases of this type, the development of real critical days in the life of parents. These words are very angry and offensive to adults. The reason is simple. Saying this, children for a while turn into "parents" of their own parents and take a categorically-evaluative position. Usually the child "stings" in the affected area.
The mother, who is proud of her child and is happy that he appeared when she was only 18, is unlikely to experience such a problem. And, conversely, a woman who admits the phrase "If I did not give birth in 18, then ...", necessarily wait for the appropriate reaction. Children want to be better than their parents, that's why they compete with us. To become themselves, they need to escape from the captivity of the parent scenarios. Often they break away from us "with skin and meat": sometimes - their own, sometimes - the parents.
4. "Mom, this skirt is too short (this lipstick is too bright) for you!" First of all, these words contain a challenge. A challenge to the taste of the mother, her idea of fashion, her life position. This is a reminder that the secret of eternal youth does not exist.
Children grow up and claim a place in life: sometimes they look for their own, sometimes they try to take someone else's. They must win competition with their parents, become strong, assert their tastes, ideas, values. Akela always misses one day. After all, the generation change is normal.
But I do not want to give up without a fight to my parents. The war with them is usually conducted by "guerrilla" methods. And now my mother, with pleasure looking around herself in the mirror, hears a murderous phrase about a too short skirt - and in a moment loses rose-colored glasses. She sees her already stale skin and sticky wrinkles at the waist. Her mood spoils, she painfully chooses: defend herself, take revenge on the child, or quietly worry about herself ...
Yes, children are sometimes tactless, sometimes their words are outright rudeness. But still it's better to talk calmly with the child about how you react to this phrase. At the same time and understand what it means personally for you. Sometimes this phrase is just a mirror of the previous criticism from the parents: "This tattoo is terrible", "This piercing is disgusting," "You are sloppy dressed". Children after all, someone is studying. Think about whether you yourself are too critical of your own children ...
5. "I will leave you! (I will not live with you!) "These words reflect the child's desire to distance himself from his parents. When parents are too close or too far away, too cared for or do not care at all, too much control or, conversely, ignored, the child has anger, irritation, resentment. The above phrase is the way he tries to inform his parents that he is ill, hard, lonely, or he suffocates from their obsessive "love". Try to understand what kind of a child's need lies behind this phrase, with what feelings he pronounces it.
6. "I do not love you anymore" The obvious expression of anger towards the parent. Most often it occurs when the child seems that he does not understand and do not like. The easiest way to avoid pain is to turn everything around. Tell the parent that in fact this child does not like him. It is also a way to inflict pain - one that a child feels when he thinks he is rejected. In the life of parents there are many ways to do this - more to praise a brother or sister to compare a child with more successful peers, always insist on their righteousness ...
The child does not have many ways to attract attention and make sure his value to the parents. After all, many parents "notice" children only when they have "done something". Therefore the phrase "I do not love you" is a powerful lever of manipulation by the parent. Turned on? Will he notice? Will it change the behavior? He will say the correct phrase: "But I love you very much!" Or ??
If the child speaks this phrase and he is more than 7 years old - try to talk with him. Why does not she? What happened? What does he want? This is much more effective than silently experiencing or showing aggression in response.
7. "You do not love me! (You do not understand me!) "These are all the same attempts of the child to inform parents about their discomfort, their unmet needs. Children need communication, warmth, tenderness. The child sometimes it is important that the parent "guessed" his bad mood, his anxiety and doubts. The son says: "I'm sad," and his father with a sneer: "Think about exams - it will be fun." The child has problems communicating, and the parent to him: "You are to blame" ...
Understanding is a talent, and you were not born with this talent, you need to develop it. Try to understand what your child wants, what he so badly needs, and how you can help him. In fact, there will be many more such critical days in the life of parents - rudeness, rudeness, even the rage of their own children is encountered in the way of any of us. Less think about what this or that abstract phrase may mean, but listen more to your child with your heart. Only this will allow you to recognize situations when he needs your help, care and love.