Hearing on the case
In order to understand what is happening with another person, you need to learn how to listen to it correctly. Take the same story with a friend. For example, she tells a sad story: a consorted-mummer did not call. However, it is not squeezed reaction that makes it clear to the girlfriend: she is heard, understood and not condemned. It will be much easier for her to open up, so that she will not have to read any thoughts, she herself will tell everything. For example, a friend tells: "And when he called for the fifth time, he talked to me as if I did not call anyone." In this case, you can answer: "You had a feeling that you are nobody, and you can not call." And do not slip into an angry sermon. The psychotherapeutic technique is called paraphrasing. Just like the first one, she gives the companion an opportunity to understand that they hear him. Of course, reading the thoughts and feelings of a friend is not too difficult. However, it is in communication with her that it makes sense to train. At the place of a friend may be another person - boyfriend, colleague or even boss. All of them will tell about themselves what they would prefer to hide in other cases.
Find ten differences
After we show to the interlocar the notorious empathy and begin to listen correctly, he will relax. Now we can safely move on to reading and studying his non-verbal signals. In principle, this is not a very tricky science: all the movements that a person performs are quite uncomplicated. The difficulty is only to see the whole set of non-verbal signals - to pay attention to the tempo of speech, the timbre of voice, facial expressions, gestures and at the same time do not forget to listen to what he says and still answer. By and large, teaching this skill is similar to comprehending the science of driving. Initially, we see only the steering wheel, then - the steering wheel and a piece of road, then we catch sight of traffic lights and pedestrians, road signs and - about a miracle! - cars traveling behind! It is easy to guess that a person with a review no further than the helm can not be called a good driver. Just like someone who can notice a couple of non-verbal signals, one can not be called a class specialist. It should be noted that the signal taken out of context is generally of little informative. Take for example a very common gesture - stroking the hair. In the first situation, a man talks to a girl and launches his hand into his head, rubbing the back of his neck. What does this mean? Do not go to the fortune-teller - he likes a girl, he seduces her and sends an unequivocal non-verbal signal. Now let's imagine this man behaving in the same way when talking to the boss. The neophyte can easily conclude that our hero is gay or bisexual, trying to seduce the boss. And it will be fundamentally wrong. One and the same gesture can contain various messages. In the second situation, a man just nervous, encourages himself, stroking the head, and in a very broad sense "seduces" the boss, that is, in simple terms, he tries to please. There is no sexual implication.
Yes? No!
Non-verbal signals are very different, for the most part they inform others about a certain feeling that a person experiences. However, there is also the agreement or disagreement that signify it. And often it happens: a man claims one thing, and with the help of facial expressions and gestures he broadcasts something completely different. This behavior does not mean that a person wants to deceive. It is likely that he sincerely believes in what he is talking about, and at the moment he is deceiving himself. For example, if the interlocutor pronounces the phrase: "Of course, I will definitely come" - and while only slightly turning his head to the right and left, and also leaning back, he most likely is not going to do it. If the person with whom we communicate begins to speak faster or in some other way increases the distance - departs for half a step, is removed - this, in all likelihood, means: he non-verbally does not agree with us. Although in some cases, thus, shows that he wants to change the subject, the subject of the conversation is unpleasant for him. If the body of the interlocutor moves forward, he nods - is interested in the conversation and is likely to agree to the proposal.
Here are the pies
Why do people often act inconsistently? Why should they? The fact is that in each of us there are different subpersonalities, which are not always among us who want to read people as an open book, must necessarily take this fact into account. American psychologist Eric Berne wrote about the fact that a child coexists in a person - our idea of what we were like in childhood. The parent is a collective image, a kind of a photobot of parents, and the Adult is a calm and reasonable manager of our life. When, for example, we promise someone to come to a party, we start from the position of the inner Child, who wants to have fun. However, at some point, the reins of government are taken in the hands of our Parent and forbids wherever to be selected on the eve of the exam. Studying the interlocutor, it is very important to see in him an internal Child, that is his immediate part, responsible for emotions, spontaneity and vitality. To cope with the task, you can just try to imagine how this person was in childhood. Or ask him some questions on this topic. And then imagine how his interlocutor was treated by his parents, as far as they were attentive, understanding or strict.
Start with yourself
Whatever it was, any person interested in reading thoughts or emotions should start by studying themselves. Realize your own non-verbal signals, feel different subpersonalities, observe them. Only after he has thoroughly studied himself, he will be able to understand what is happening with others. And, of course, in this case it is impossible to do without love. If we do not like what we are going to study, there is unlikely to be a result. In general, misanthropes are not allowed to enter this area of knowledge.