So why does marriage so often become the death of love? And how to deal with this? Often, long-term residence with the same person, especially if this is aggravated by quarrels and problems, makes relations more boring, dreary, generates boredom in relationships in general and in sexual relations in particular. A great number of articles and books have been written about how to diversify your sex life, if you and your partner are already fed up and cooled to each other. But the authors forget the fact that one should not fight with the symptom - unprotected sex, but with the disease itself and its cause - problems of marriage and human relations, quarrels, conflicts, misunderstandings that have been undermining the marriage for many years.
Marriage should not go with the flow, a good marriage should be built step by step, putting effort. All people are imperfect, and that's normal. But worse is that most do not like to strain and somehow work on themselves, improve themselves externally and internally. People, when entering into marriage, think that now you can relax in every way. But you can not relax, you need to work on relationships and learn to live in peace with your soul mate.
It would be difficult to marry, if the "wrong" person was originally chosen. Why can a person make a mistake in the choice? He may not understand what he needs, can be blinded by love and so on. But the main mistake is to choose a partner, following the impulse, without bothering to find out the person thoroughly. For example, a man in his childhood lost his mother, but because subconsciously looking for a wife, like her. And he found - an adult plump woman with mediocre human qualities and a low level of intelligence, as it later became clear. Of course, this could not lead to anything good. Or, for example, a man wanted a woman with a bunch of fans to be his and only him. Another example, when a woman marries a man who will fulfill all her desires, will provide a high standard of living. And then it ceases to please. Or, for example, a strong woman subconsciously chooses a weak, even feminine man for husbands, but at the same time she unconsciously wants a strong male next to her. Torn between two desires, she can gradually begin to despise her husband for being weak. And there are a lot of such examples when people initially find the "wrong" person.
So, to marry you need when you have already learned a person well, when you deeply love him. If you know your elect or your chosen one well, then there are few surprises, unexpected human qualities that are unacceptable for you. And if something small emerges, it will be easier to close your eyes, forgive, because strong love forgives much. If you are both intolerant, pick on trifles, you can not forgive some imperfections of each other, then perhaps not such strong feelings you have. Thus, I repeat, when marrying, you need to know a person well and love him very much.
In family relationships, one should behave reasonably. For example, in everyday life one should not command and pooch, in small disputable situations one should speak not in an orderly tone, but as calmly as possible, expressing his discontent with not shouting, but with words, so that you are heard and understood. Try to concede each other, spare feelings for each other, do not lose common sense. Often conflicts arise from a trifle, and in them most often both are to blame. Insults, mutual reproaches, word for word, the quarrel grows like a snowball, insults accumulate in the soul. Often couples then do not even remember how it all began. As they say, they started for health, but finished for the rest. If the couple keeps quarreling all the time, then gradually dislikes, alienation, which eventually can destroy the marriage.
Do not try to remake each other under an imaginary ideal, to break the character - it's useless. Every person wants to be loved as he is. And if he does not get it in the family, then there may be a desire to look for it somewhere else. And if he is so bad, then why are you with him? It is better to remember that you fell in love with a partner the way he is, with his advantages and disadvantages, and also remember that you, too, are not perfect. It's best to let everyone do their own self-improvement - and all is well, and no one is quarreling.
It is also necessary to pay attention to each other, take care, do various pleasant things to each other, speak pleasant words, hug, kiss and so on. But it happens that both expect attention from each other, and do not do anything in return. For balance, both need to receive and give.
Each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way, and these words prove the following example as well as possible. Another stumbling block in the family is finance. Money often causes quarrels in families where there is a struggle for power. In such families, money is a sign of power, which means that the person who has money - and the power, who earns the most - is the one who is the main one. This struggle can last indefinitely and bring disharmony into the relationship. Spouses need to agree with each other. For example, if one of them earns money, then the second takes on other family responsibilities so that no one is offended. And most importantly - you need to respect each other and not make money a measure of power. Even if you earn 10 times more than your second half, you need to respect him (her) as a worthy person, as a beloved life partner, because he or she probably also contributes something to the family.
Different approaches in the upbringing of children can also cause a quarrel. Here the main rule is to discuss the issues of upbringing and try to come to a common opinion or a compromise.
Another possible problem is sex. If you have some problems in your sex life, do not be afraid to discuss them with your partner. Be able to talk about your desires, fantasies, impressions. Develop a trusting relationship with each other. Often, problems in sex arise because of the inability to communicate. Try to make changes in your sex life, add novelty, maintain interest to each other.
"Each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way" - these words have long become a kind of bitter aphorism. If problems do not resolve, contact a professional. Try to understand each other, to meet each other and love!