In the emergence of emotional problems, parents and children usually blame the first, more precisely, the line of emotional behavior of the parents in relation to each other and to the child, as a result of which the child also has a certain emotional background, and not always benevolent. This is particularly pronounced when mom and dad go to extremes: they are either too cold and sullen, not particularly emotional with regard to everything, and their own child as well. Or parents are too excited and overwhelmed by emotions to everything that is also not harmonious and balanced behavior.
A child is a small sponge, so that afterwards he does not have any emotional problems, you should first look at yourself: will not you become a breeding ground for these very problems?
Now let us dwell on the problems associated with the emotional background of the parents - since they later give rise to the same problems in children.
Emotional problems that are observed in parents
The lion's share of this section of the article we will devote to the emotional background of the mother, since it is, let's say, a litmus test that determines the emotions of her child.
Most of the young mothers are constantly in a state of tension. Why? The answer is simple. We have heard so much from our mothers and grandmothers that we, the younger generation, do not understand anything in education in a perfect way, which we can not even cope with even with a kitten - not to mention the baby, that we ourselves begin to doubt our own abilities. And, by the way, very much in vain. After all, psychologists studying the emotional relationship between mother and child, have long proven that calm and confident mothers and children are calm.
But if you are worried about any occasion: not so much to the breast, you feed too much / little, you do not swaddle properly / do not swaddle at all, but you should not take your hands in such a way, then do not be surprised that your child reacts so sharply to the surrounding peace and very often screams and cries. After all, you are in the shower crying and crying, thinking that you do not work. Therefore, my advice to you: spit on the opinion of relatives, if it does not coincide with yours, they raised their children, you have another life and other rules. If they give you discomfort, try at least temporarily to meet with them, let them come to visit less often. If it's hard for you to say it to your native people in person - let the husband explain it to them, explain tactfully and intelligibly, because quarreling with relatives only because you do not have the same views on the upbringing of the child, is silly.
Very often parents have emotional problems associated with the fact that they require too much from their crumbs. I call it grief from the mind, and it is understandable why. Nowadays, so much unfiltered information gets to the full disposal of young and inexperienced parents, that they can just get lost in it and draw some wrong conclusions. Especially dangerous in this sense is the Internet. After all, when a mom or dad reads about, for example, how their child should be able to do at one age or another, they are based on data that were seen by another child. And they try to transfer them to their baby, forgetting that all the children develop differently, and sometimes they need to be able to wait for something.
It is necessary to be able to filter information - this is the first rule of its search in open sources. Remember one simple truth: if a neighbor has turned over in 5 months, and your baby is already 6, and he still does not make you happy with his coup - it's no reason to think that your baby is worse. And certainly not a reason to blame him for this. Do you think he does not understand that you are unhappy with him? You are mistaken: even a six-month-old baby is able to discern in his voice and understand by the expression of his mother and father's face their discontent and criticism - and this does not help him feel safe with you. Do not ask the child for something that he simply can not do. Especially it concerns those parents who are simply obsessed with all possible methods of early development of the child.
It would seem, what problems can arise because the child at an early age is already learning enough serious things? Brain training - and only, you say. But no, every age - their training, you should not sit a three-year-old kid at a desk and try to add a multiplication table to his head. For this there is a school, there is a more convenient and correct age - so do not try to jump above your head. The main thing in the age of four years is games, in games you can teach crumbs almost everything that your brain can understand. Therefore, it is better not to be lazy and play more, using educational material, play in schoolchildren - and the parental nerves will be taken care of. After all, you will still understand sooner or later that the baby is simply not able to learn everything you are trying to teach him. And then the stubbornness will be replaced by irritation, which parents will begin to show on the child. And this will not affect its development in a positive way.
Excessive coldness of parents is another rather serious emotional problem for parents, which simply can not but affect the child. This coldness can stretch straight from the childhood of a mother or father and manifest in secrecy and a rare manifestation of feelings. Although, perhaps, and some unpleasant events in the adult life forced parents to become more restrained. However, we must remember that a child can not develop normally without support, warmth and openly manifested love, at least for his mother. This is very important, and some doctors claim that it is even vitally important! That mom or dad can cope with this coldness, it is important to support them - nothing favors love and the generation of heat between people more than physical contact. Therefore, often hug each other and press to the heart of your baby: just so, from the heart, to show how he is dear to you.
Consequences of emotional problems that arise in parents can be frequent and unreasonable punishments that replace words that did not cause a response from the child. And the parents get angry, thinking that he is just being naughty and does not want to listen to them, although in fact the problem goes back much deeper. Now I will tell you about the three mistakes parents often make when they want to punish a child - and you draw conclusions and do not allow them, so as not to break the psyche of your baby from childhood.
If you are unhappy - then be dissatisfied not with the kid, but with what he did. He should know that you, for example, are unhappy with the fact that he painted the wallpaper, and not because he is "a bad and naughty boy, whose place is a corner."
- Do not severely criticize and dislike the feelings that your child is experiencing. If he dragged a neighbor's cat by the tail from anger at her, scold him for a misdemeanor, and not for anger - after all, most likely, it arose due to any actions of the cat. Maybe she scratched it? But to explain to the kid that it is not good to pull a cat - it is necessary
- Do not think that the more often you show the baby that you are unhappy with his actions, the more obedient he will grow. He will simply get used to such your reaction to each of his actions and will cease to perceive instruction as an admonition.
Emotional problems that occur in children
If it is easy enough for adults to determine the cause of an emotional problem, the situation with children is much more complicated. They can not explain why they have these or other outbreaks of uncontrolled negative emotions. However, parents are able to understand the origin of emotion, if, of course, they know their child well enough. Therefore, the reason for this behavior can be eliminated either independently or with the help of a psychologist.
The first emotional "point" that hinders the life of many children is aggression. Surely many parents have noticed that their children sometimes show excessive aggression to both adults and other children. It is important to understand that it is impossible to eradicate aggression: this is a feeling that has been implanted in each of us since birth. It is necessary to understand why the child manifests such feelings. Perhaps he lacks your attention, and he tries to attract him in this way? Or does he want something and cry trying to get what he wants? Perhaps, in this way he tries to show that he is the main one: in the family or in the children's collective - it does not matter, but it is possible that through aggressive behavior the malice of the baby or his desire to take revenge is shown to someone.
Usually this behavior is observed in children whose intellect is developed little less than that required by its age category, or this kid simply does not know how to be in society and play with peers, he often has low self-esteem. There is also the likelihood that the child's aggressive behavior depends on the constant nervousness of the nervous system that occurs after severe injuries or due to some illnesses.
How do adults usually react to this state of children? Unfortunately, they respond aggression to aggression, trying to suppress the reciprocal feeling of the child. Thus, they only postpone this not spilled anger into the depths of the subconscious, which provokes a bright surge of negative emotions after a while.
While the parent must:
1) find out what is the cause of the aggressive behavior of his child;
2) send forces that go to anger, into another channel: for example, after understanding the situation, offer the child to find another way out of it;
3) to instill in the crumb skills of behavior in society;
4) more often throw it in the environment of other children, teach the basics of interaction.
Psychologists advise when the baby is angry, invite him to play in the sandbox, since the games with sand are extremely soothing to the psyche of the baby.
Another emotional problem that arises in children is increased anxiety - that is, a constant state of anxiety for something. Anxiety is manifested in those kids, inside of whom some invisible passions are raging, which conflict with themselves, often due to the fact that their environment requires from them something unreasonable.
Also, a child may be alarmed if his parents or immediate relatives with whom he is in constant contact are the same. Children very sensitively catch the atmosphere of fear and fear and take it for themselves.
These children are slightly pessimistic - whatever they do, they believe that the results will be negative. If you sculpt figures from sand - then it must break other children, if they paint, they think that their mother will not like their drawing. In addition, anxious children have a very low self-esteem, which emerges from pessimism.
Parents should know that to remove anxiety from the baby is their first responsibility, since the child is not able to develop normally in such extreme, critical conditions for him. Therefore, in all ways try, first of all, to convince your child that he is no worse than others, but for you he is better than all other children in the world. Praise him for any, even the smallest achievement, encourage, play, hug and constantly talk about how you love him and how he is dear to you. Also explain to him the essence of situations that disturb him - try to understand it together so that the child understands: there is nothing terrible, you should not worry.
Another emotion that maximally blocks the normal life of the child is fear. We are not talking about the usual fears inherent in all children: it's not the fear of darkness or "babiki". One should pay attention to fears when there are many, very many, and they are not at all "age" (that is, inherent in children).
You need to understand what scares your child and where this fear originated. However, most parents can not properly cope with this problem - it is better not to regret money and time and take the crumb to a normal specialist who will help to figure out and eliminate the child's fear. The task of the parents is to support the baby as much as possible and try to prevent a situation in which the child becomes frightened.
As you can see, the emotional side of the life of the whole family is important, very important, and you can not ignore it - it can lead to terrible consequences, especially when it comes to the child. I wish you peace of mind and peace, seeing and feeling which your children will grow mentally healthy and happy!