Family conflicts and ways to overcome them - a topic that is very relevant in our time, when family traditions are being reviewed, re-evaluated, the family's institution is changing literally before our eyes.
Why do conflicts arise in a seemingly friendly, loving family? There can be many reasons. For example:
• One of the spouses lacks attention (tenderness, affection)
• The complex housing situation affects when it is necessary to divide an apartment together with the parents of a spouse or spouse
• Partners have different views on issues such as leisure, the division of domestic work, the upbringing of children
• One or both spouses experience inadequate satisfaction from sexual relations
List reasons can be long. However, it is not the reasons for the emergence of family conflicts that are more important, but the ways to overcome them. Psychologists give several tips on how to build relationships and not allow a small family conflict to grow into a serious scandal.
Discuss only one problem.
Suppose a conflict arose because your husband spends a lot of time with his friends, not with you. In that case, discuss with him only this problem. Do not try to remember the other sins of a partner. This does not apply directly to your current conflict. Other problems you can discuss later. First, come to an agreement on the main issue.
Do not go to the person.
If your spouse's salary has ceased to suit you, then it is unlikely that his beer tummy became the reason for this. Do not insult your partner, it does not lead to conflict resolution. On the contrary, in such a situation your partner will try to protect himself and may start insulting you in return. As a result, the conflict will result in an ugly scandal with mutual insults. And the main problem will remain unresolved.
Do not allow third parties into a family conflict.
Do not interfere in your conflict, someone from their relatives or friends. If in a quarrel you try to hurt someone from your family or friends, he will certainly stand up for their protection. Therefore, the phrase "Of course, I can not cook like your precious mother" will not lead to a favorable outcome of the conflict.
Do not generalize.
Suppose that your always attentive husband suddenly forgot about his beloved mother-in-law's birthday. Do not insult the voice: "You never remember anything." It will be unfair, especially if it usually reminds you of all the important dates. The reason for his unexpected forgetfulness could be, for example, a heavy workload at work.
Do not start quarreling in the evenings.
Statistics show that the lion's share of family conflicts falls on the evening time of the day. It's not surprising: fatigue, irritation accumulate, one spark is enough to cause a quarrel. If you feel late at night that you really want to tell your spouse a few complaints, then you better keep yourself, put off the conversation for the morning. Perhaps in the morning the problem will seem to you not so serious, or you will find a more suitable way to overcome the conflict.
Know how to admit your guilt.
It is very important to be able to understand in time when you are not right in a quarrel. If you do not have enough strength to immediately admit that you are wrong, then at least try to stop the conflict at least in time. This is not so difficult to do, sometimes it's enough to just shut up or go into another room.
And one more tip. Before you start a quarrel with your spouse, think about it, but what exactly do you want to achieve? There are unique people who know how to use any conflicts to solve situations in their favor. In any conflict, there are both negative and positive sides. After a quarrel, loving people can come to a common opinion on the exciting problem, in the future this issue will not disturb them.
Think, you are going to live peacefully after the quarrel? Then restrain yourself, do not throw out all your complaints and reproaches, do not insult, do not hurt the dignity of your partner. Focus on solving a particular problem. Keep calm and positive attitude. To do this, of course, is difficult when the soul is seething with just anger. But you had the same situations when you successfully overcome the conflict, and then remembered about it with a smile and thought: "How could you quarrel because of such stupidity!". Maybe this conflict is not worth such emotions?
Ksenia Ivanova , especially for the site