In the new team, we are striving to recognize in the kaleidoscope the faces of "our own" - those with whom it will be comfortable, interesting and fun. Friendship at work becomes a factor of loyalty to the employer or ... cause of dismissal.
FACE SOCIAL
"Production" friendship is a very difficult concept, psychologists say. With all the external resemblance to the "friendship of the ordinary", it has a number of peculiarities. Here, in addition to the character, the storehouse of personality and interests, ambitions, career aspirations and, often, professional jealousy enter the game. Such relations have a strict social framework and are subject to a set of unwritten laws.
"Friends are usually people with whom we have known for a long time, not a year or two, it takes time for friendship," says psychologist Maria Fedorova. - Friends know us different - both bad and good, sometimes forgive us for very unpleasant actions and accept us as we are. At work, the situation is different: here we are trying to show the world a certain person and do not always want colleagues to see him "the wrong side". Mutual relations at work are more socialized, and as a rule, it is not a question of friendship, it's just about good friendships. "
SOUL DREAM
"Eight years ago I came to a new place of work," says Natasha, "then we opened a magazine on fine arts. The collective was formed from scratch. At first, everyone looked closely at each other, then our traditions began to take shape, we started to celebrate holidays, birthdays together. In general, people turned out to be very close in spirit, and, having already changed jobs, I still communicate with some former colleagues. " This is an example when friendly relations are formed if people are united by creativity. "Behind the standard social mask, a person becomes visible on such work," Maria Fedorova comments. - Creativity involves a more intimate emotional communication, which is called without a tie. "
However, the scenario of corporate friendship is not always smooth: often it happens that informal relations at work spoil life. Lika is 25 years old, and six months ago she had to change jobs. The reason is the same "friendship". "I got a job as a logisticist for a company whose team immediately liked it - I wanted to make friends with everyone. For me, communication presupposes openness, and besides, I'm probably just a chatterbox - I can not keep anything in myself. In a word, soon the whole office knew about my romantic hobbies and experiences ... Around me went gossip, the male part of the team began to afford ambiguous jokes, and some began to simply ignore. I had to quit, because the existence in this office became unbearable. "
ERROR # 1 The desire to become "his own in the board." Do you want to please, draw attention to yourself and find nothing better than telling everyone about your last boyfriend? Do not forget: not everyone is eager to plunge into the vortex of the unfamiliar person's passions, most of us have enough of our own experiences.
On the other hand, other people's secrets presuppose a response by default - frankness for frankness. The latter is often perceived as tactlessness and unauthorized crossing of personal boundaries.
Expert opinion
IRINA ZHELANOVA , psychologist, master of NLP:
Relations within the team often depend on the rules and style of leadership. In a team where the corporate culture prescribes purely official relations, and the bosses negatively regard joint cigarette breaks and tea parties, friendship is likely to be nominal. If the company tries to unite people not only as professionals, practicing constant team building, active rest and other collective events, then there may be the emergence of ordinary friendly relations. As a rule, the more rigid the framework of the officiality and the more career motivation in the team, the less opportunities for the emergence of friendship in it, and vice versa. Much depends on how people are selected. Good HR managers know that for effective work, not only a high professional level is necessary, but also a kind of personal similarity of employees.
ACCORDING TO THE STATE ...
In addition to the desire to communicate, friendship at work is often based on our ambitions and career aspirations. Some believe that making friends with the boss is much better than having a service romance with him. Is it so?
Tatyana, copywriter of an advertising agency: "I have been working in the agency for the third year and recently I have been thinking about changing my job. I'm friends with my boss - Galya is my same age. We somehow liked each other at once: both sociable, we love active rest, we go to the same fitness center. At first it seemed that I had a lucky ticket: I dreamed of a quick career, participation in the best projects. But everything turned out differently. Soon Galina began to give me extra work, including not directly related to me. She says: "I can only trust you, I'm sure you will not fail." I just got more responsibilities, and there were no bright prospects either, or not. "
ERROR # 2 Wait for friendship benefits. The shift of the vertical "boss-subordinate" often leads to not the most pleasant results. First, with friendship with your superiors you are guaranteed envy and scandal in half of the office. But this is not the main thing. This situation will increase the psychological and physical load. If earlier you just needed to perform conscientiously, now the main thing is to "not let down" and "help a friend" in a difficult moment.
Expert opinion
MARIA FEDOROVA , psychologist (Institute of Group and Family Psychology and Psychotherapy):
Unfortunately, not everyone knows how to be friends, and this does not depend on the place where the person works. In our time, many are focused on personal success, on the rapid construction of a career, and the value of friendship from this decreases. The success of the relationship at work largely depends on what the person himself expects from this relationship.
If you want to be accepted in your new place for your own, try to match the style of clothing and behavior adopted in the company. Much depends on the temperament of the beginner: some easily and immediately begin to communicate, others take time to look around in the team.
WITHOUT A break from production
As they say, they do not choose their friends - they start themselves, including among colleagues. And for such a relationship to bring joy, not disappointment, you must observe a few simple rules:
RULE №1
Coming to a new team, look around, do not make quick conclusions. Understand who is who. Simultaneously, the team will look at you: "evaluate by clothes," to notice your habits and professional skills.
RULE №2
Do not hurry to join various unions and "coalitions". Offices in which it is customary to "make friends against someone" is not uncommon. It is not necessary, without knowing the situation, to join in such games: after a while, unexpectedly for yourself, you can find that you have stuck to the wrong side of the river and are in the faction of local losers.
RULE №3
The golden rule "I respect others, others respect me" works always and everywhere. Outraged upstarts and omnibuses do not like in any collective, regardless of the size of the company's revenues and activities.
And the last . The best way to make enemies in a new place is to express their indignation over the unwritten statute of the new "monastery", whatever it may be: attitudes toward profanity or cheap cafes around the corner visited by the entire office. This is the situation when it is more logical to adopt the rules of the game than to try to impose one's position.