They involuntarily repeat this model. But even worse, when they want to correct the old mistakes in the new relationship.
What do you want from life? This is an eternal parental question. At all times, parents complain that their children do not want to learn. Dads and mothers repeat this question with enviable persistence and do not want to understand that children do not want to learn at all. Parental talent is manifested precisely in the fact that the child needs to be interested in learning.
Parents, concerned about the child's unwillingness to learn, are very actively involved in the process of teaching their child. We can say that such parents almost take their child's place at the desk. Do for him all the tasks, control and pack him a backpack. Should such "crazy" parents ever stop and explain to the child the need to learn?
Every parent is sure that a good education and successful education will provide their children with a wonderful future. Parents, of course, are right. But there is a downside to the coin. Intensive training, the fear of becoming a loser and being criticized by parents or getting an "honorary" title of "botanist" can turn school years into a real hell. It is impossible to learn "from under the stick" every day, in a constant stressful condition one can not like learning.
At first, the child will try to finish his studies as soon as possible, and then all his life he will hate school, parents and teachers who forced him to study. It turns out that one can achieve absolutely opposite results by force. Did not notice that most children do not even approach the piano after studying at a music school.
Today, modern education is a complex and difficult affair. This "heaviness" can be felt by raising the pupil's portfolio. Add to this the insatiable ambitions of parents, the excessive demands of teachers, etc. The child is faced with an unrealistic task - to carry out his parents' unfulfilled plans. At the same time, parents do not even think for a moment that their desire can exceed the abilities of their children. Sometimes parents are horrified when they get "pleasure" to watch their child, who managed to "tear themselves away" from parental control for a while.
Most parents are convinced that their child is simply lazy and wants only to deviate from their duties. Of course, such a belief is justified. However, not all children think alike, in fact most of them are ready to learn. They can do both business and leisure, intelligently combining them. Children also dream of a successful future. They are able to study well and conscientiously engage in business. In such cases, the child need not learn to explain, and it remains only to rejoice. How can we achieve this?
First of all, parents themselves must understand that everything and always can not be controlled and not everything is subject to regulation. If parents can understand that the victories, miscalculations and defeats of children are not only their success and mistakes, but also children. They can explain this to their children. It is necessary to give the child some freedom and to teach him self-organization. A child responds much quicker when he is given some autonomy, when he is busy with a case that is organized by him and a positive result will depend only on how he can distribute his actions and time.
It turns out that the parents should not sharply face the question, how to explain to the child the need to learn? Often such a stifling concern for their child arises in moms who do not work and live only with their child's problems. Having a lot of free time, my mother begins to "help" to learn her child. He hires a bunch of tutors, writes the child in all kinds of sections and groups. From such an intense life the child becomes even weaker and inattentive, and in response, her mother begins to tighten control. Instead, mom should teach the child simple ways to control herself. Inattentive and inhibitory children become because parents decide everything for them and do them instead. Their guardianship has no restrictions whatsoever. Even before school, parents do not give the child the opportunity to express themselves and do something themselves, and with the entrance to the school the problem only worsens.
Their actions parents back up with excuses such as: "The child can not cope the same! "It is parents who do not want to notice that the source of all problems is not in the child, but in them. The schoolboy is growing, and with him the control and demand of the elders is intensified. The child is first persuaded, then scared that there will be in the future revenge yards, then go to punishments and do everything for him. As a result, the child generally ceases to learn. Parental desire and will discourage the child's craving for learning.
The task of parents is to understand the child and his condition, why he resists studying. Put the child in the child's place, and then imagine that someone is constantly monitoring you and checking whether you ate, took the necessary, leaving the house, paid the bills, explained with the girlfriend, did not forget the documents, etc. .? All this will happen with you not moments, but constantly. I wonder how long it will be before you start to rebel against such guardianship and hate the supervisor? !! All this same child feels against the parents. Now imagine how much effort the child spends on resistance, even on the most passive. Yes, it takes a lot of energy and energy for this. As a result, the child weakens and loses the motive for learning.
What to do? You can not completely control the child? In addition, giving the modern child complete freedom is the most absurd decision on the part of parents. Parents will need to choose either excellent grades in the school, or the formation in it of the quality of self-organization, self-control and self-government. Parents should form in the child a taste for victory and success. Heavy task, but no one promised his parents a simple and easy life.