Each of us wants the people around to be good, kind, interesting and intelligent people. True, often our loved ones are not always willing to change for the better. But it also happens that a person knows about his own minuses and asks him to help. How to make sure that help really benefits, not harmed?
Uncomprehend the ideal
Deciding to help a person, remember that you want to help a person to change for the better, and not to blind your ideal from blindness. Therefore, before making a plan of action, really look at its capabilities, tastes, preferences and skills. That is, if a person likes to write music and studied as a landscape architect, do not suggest that he engage in programming. Remember that when people turn to us for help of this kind, they do not believe that we know what is better for them, assignments and assume that everything should be so, even if it does not bring an imikika joy. Therefore, if you see that your friend is lost in life and does not know how to achieve something, sit down and analyze with him his desires, skills and abilities. You must together choose the most appropriate option and try to translate into reality plans. There are people who really need a "magic pendule," through which they begin to somehow change their lives, but you must ensure that this "pendule" does not bring a man a disappointment and a craving for self-destruction. Understand, if your friend was always punk, and then realized that you need to grow up, you should not try to make him an "office jacket". Your task is to direct its potential in the right direction. Many believe that such people need to be completely changed. No, it's not. Let, for example, continue to wear the clothes that he likes, but you must put the condition that all T-shirts will be clean and spotless, all shoes washed and covered with cream, and his overall appearance will not confirm that he is half a year, then near the landfill. That is, helping to change a person, be careful that you do not destroy his personality.
Do not bend a stick
Always remember that your close person is a formed individuality with your own views and needs, and not a guinea pig. Therefore, do not start practicing in NLP and put various psychological experiments on it, do not assume that a person will change in practice in one day. This has never been and never will be. Only in the movies, bad boys suddenly turn into good ones. And in life they need a long time to work on themselves, get rid of bad habits. In addition, if a person is accustomed to a single model of behavior, then it will be very difficult for him to unlearten from it. So expect punctures, failures and so on. Be patient and remember that a person really sincerely wants to become better. And this is the most important, because it is guided not by your desires, but by your own. Therefore, when your close friend makes some mistake, you do not need to attack him and blame all your sins. Although you do not need to close your eyes. You must be strict, but just. Explain to the person what he is wrong about and take from him the promise to no longer do. By the way, do not resort to blackmail. You do not have to frighten a person, because fear will never help something to realize the conclusions. You must emphasize that he has the right to do what he wishes, but if he really wants to become better, then it is worth considering whether such an act will lead to improvement or cause a deterioration of the situation.
One more thing to remind - do not put forward the man of transcendental goals. You must understand that no one has ever turned from a homeless person into a millionaire in one day. Therefore, your friend is also not prestigious, promising, teetotal, neat and so on by magic magic wand. To achieve the goal, he will need to get a lot of small victories, for which you should always praise him and support in the process their achievements. And even if a person does not achieve everything that you do for him, do not be discouraged and blame him for weakness and hopelessness. Even if a person achieves something and becomes better and stops doing stupid things, this is a huge plus, and for you, for him.
The life's fortitude, but do not turn it into your own
In order for a person to have enough strength to change, always support him sincerely. He must see and feel that his victories will grow no less than he himself. Remember that you are his wise counselor who helps in life and gives you the opportunity to retrain and learn new things. By the way, you should never try to do something for a person. You have to tell, help, suggest, but do not turn everything into your own project. Believe me, total control and constant instructions will lead only to the fact that the person either abandons his idea, or turns into your resigned shadow, which absolutely can not make his own decisions . So always keep your life going in parallel with his own, and be carried away in one, in which you are all in charge. Each person needs a personal space. So do not be afraid to leave it without control. Even if it seems to you that only it is worth taking a step and it will do some stupid things, anyway, let the person make decisions independently. Understand, your task is to help a person learn to do the right thing and understand their true decisions, and not live according to your plan. In fact, the same system that we use when we teach children works with an adult. First we tell what and how to do, then do the work together with them, and then give the opportunity to try it ourselves. And often, at first the children make mistakes, and we correct them and give them the opportunity to perform the task again and again, until the child learns and learns to do something. Here you also need to behave and sosvoim friend. First, tell him how to act, tell him, help, and then give him the opportunity to make his own decision. If he makes a mistake, correct him, but do not try to take control of himself. In time, you will see that he can do everything himself, without your parting words and corrections.
If a person turned to you for help of this kind, then you are very dear to him, to whom he trusts, and that the most important, authority. Therefore, agreeing to help, you must understand that the bereteza has a certain responsibility and must perform their work sincerely. You really must love a person and wish him only the best. It is to him, not to himself. Of course, we all want to be proud of our friends for their achievements, but also do not forget that this person has always been your friend and now you just need to help him become even better, and do not create a new friend. After all, if this person loses all the qualities that you loved him, the result will simply disappoint you.