Occasion to be together
Neither financial difficulties, nor relatives' opinion, nor religious prohibitions affect the decision on the fate of marriage as the fact of having common children. According to statistics, 71% of our fellow citizens are not divorced because of the child.
But, not allowing yourself to even think about the freedom from marriage bonds, because growing up common children, answer frankly the question: is it only the offspring cause? Declared care for the child is often a convenient cover for understandable and natural women's fears - fear of change, fear of loneliness, fear of poverty, fear of looking bad in the eyes of others. Before you deal with relatives, it is necessary to deal with these fears, because they are completely surmountable.
Fear of loneliness. Despite the established opinion that "nobody wants to raise another's wolf" and that "I do not need anyone with a trailer," divorced women and children find a new partner easier and easier than their childless and never married partners. And this is understandable: they already have experience of building relationships behind them and know much better what to expect from marriage; understand the psychology of men (including men married) and can quietly direct the energy of the spouse in the right direction.
In addition, a marriage with a woman already having children, men are subconsciously evaluated as a certain guarantee of her ability to procreate in principle. Once she has one child, it will not be a problem for her to continue.
Repeated marriages, as a rule, are more durable than the first. After all, this union is not connected with crazy love or youthful passion, it does not consist of curiosity or desire to get rid of parental care, but is built according to common sense and is based on friendship and mutual assistance in how to keep the family strong and united. This is truly an equal, partnership marriage. It is important only to sustain a pause after the divorce, optimally - about a year.
Fear of financial distress. Often the true cause of the reason is divorce.
In some situations, preserving the family will lead to greater problems for the child than divorce.
1 Domestic violence, physical or moral.
2 Alcoholism, drug addiction, gambling of one of the parents,
3 Frankly amoral way of life of one of the parents,
There are several reasons to save a family:
The past passion has passed, but between you there is respect and mutual understanding.
The decision to become a parent was conscious, you both wanted a child.
You have common interests, a common cause.
You have enough desire and energy to work on yourself and your relationships.
You are ready to change yourself and your vision of the situation. Two families lead to crash.
Mentally listing the pros and cons of life separately, you find that there are more cons and you are not able to cope with them.
You clearly understand that your life without a spouse will definitely change for the worse - both for you and for children.
The preservation of the family is a financial dependence on the spouse. Alas, the solution of the financial question in case of a divorce largely falls on the shoulders of a woman. Even alimony is rarely an aid to a decent growing of a child.
On the other hand, there is less expenditure, if only because there is no mandatory "meat for a man" in the daily menu. At the same time, the woman can plan the budget herself, without reporting the expenditure.
The fear of condemnation from others is how to keep the family strong and united. The opinion of the grandmothers at the entrance should be of the last interest, especially since the stereotypes of the "single mother" and "fatherless" are gradually being forced out of the public consciousness.
Fear of hindering the child. To grow a comprehensively developed child in an incomplete family is not an easy task, but feasible. And the main condition of this is to discard any thought about your own fault and that a baby growing up with a loving and, importantly, happy and quiet mom, may be unhappy. Ideally, after parting with her husband in an amicable way, a woman can establish communication between the child and her father. Otherwise, the father's shoulder can be found replacing lazhe outside of the new relationship: the role of the main man in the life of the baby can play an older brother, grandfather, family friend, etc.
Make a step
In some cases, it is the divorce that becomes the right step, made for the sake of the baby.
Live with both parents, who constantly scandal, for the child is fraught with problems. Their list is not so short: from night incontinence of urine and nightmares to lagging, verbal, physical and mental development.
Children of younger preschool age and especially "unreasonable" babies are very sensitive emotionally - they will feel the falsity in relations between parents. It is very likely that this will manifest itself in the child's command, communication with others and even in the baby's well-being. Perhaps even the emergence of very real health problems - so the child subconsciously struggles with the crisis situation, switching attention to itself.
The victim with his own happiness "in the name of the child" can be in vain: your offspring is unlikely to be able to appreciate it, even after growing up. But to make him feel a constant sense of guilt is quite real. Especially if we emphasize that only because of him, parents who are unhappy with each other, are forced to stay together.
Irritability, nervousness, tension, typical for families where spouses suffer each other, will necessarily affect the child. Accumulated negative spills into aggression, demonstrative behavior, makes the child non-contact, closed. It's about children from such families, who are safe only in appearance, and they say: "The family is not without an ugly."
Sometimes it is better for a child to see his father once a week - but benevolent and attentive, than contemplate daily the back of his father's face, which is buried in a TV or computer monitor.
An example of inter-sex relations, which the child derives from the relationship of parents, it can be highly likely to be transferred to one's own life. Alienation and coldness, reigning in a "full" family, lead to the fact that from the child grows indifferent adult, unable to real feelings, or a complex and unsure of a loser.