How your relations with them will develop will largely depend on whether you will be able to live in peace with your mother-in-law. How else? After all, she put so much strength to grow, bring up, put on your husband's feet, and her son. She's a mother. A mother's love is selfless. Sometimes from young women you can hear that your mother-in-law has not developed relationships, that your mother-in-law is interfering, trying to impose your views and rules. Of course, mother-in-law are different: tolerant and capricious, intelligent and stupid, slow and restless, retrogrades and modern businesswomen. But, regardless of this, all of them need recognition and favor, attention and benevolence. About how to live in peace with your mother-in-law, and today we will speak.
First of all, let's define which type your mother-in-law belongs to.
Psychologists distinguish seven types of mother-in-law.
- Man's wife. This is a type of mother-in-law that has settled in a harmonious family, where the husband shares a part of family burdens and cares, helps in everything, and she follows him, like "behind a stone wall." It is easy to live in peace with such a mother-in-law. The main rule is not to reject the help offered by the husband's parents, but also not to outweigh all the problems on them. To give an opportunity to her husband's parents not only to feel their importance in your life, but also an occasion to be proud of the achievements of the son and daughter-in-law - this is the secret of how they live in peace with their mother-in-law in such families.
- Star matriarch, commander. This mother-in-law, whose husband - henpecked. She is the head of the family, her main driving force, she "has a house" on her. Living with his mother-in-law in one house in this case becomes dangerous for the strength of the family. In such mothers, sons, most often "mother's sons", but criticize them - are fraught with losing their mother-in-law.
- At the same time also a mother-in-law. The mother-in-law, who is also a mother-in-law at the same time, will feel sorry for you and love you, because she sees difficulties in her daughter's relationship with her husband's family. This person is delicate and capable of compromises. She will not interfere with your family affairs. She has female solidarity more than a maternal instinct. Save the world with your mother-in-law will help friendship with the sister-in-law (her husband's sister), in this case harmony is ensured.
- Single mother. A son is the meaning of her life, she brought him up alone. Was a mother and father. Such mother-in-law are extremely jealous, which manifests itself in constant conflicts and quarrels with the daughter-in-law. To live in peace with your mother-in-law, you need to be tolerant and restrained. Consult her on the slightest occasion, ask her opinion. In no case do not criticize your husband and do not argue with him with his mother-in-law - you risk making the enemy in her guise.
- Victim. She always takes care of everyone. Even if the son is already the fifth decade, she cares about him, as an unthinking baby. She is troubled by life's difficulties. But no one, in her opinion, is able to cope with them, so you have to pull everything on yourself. Empathy, tolerance, tactfulness are the keys to keeping peace with your mother-in-law.
- Despot. If the mother-in-law of the despot, who keeps everything under control in the family, is cold and cynical, prudent and does not allow one to step on their own, you're out of luck. Keep away from such mother-in-law far away, only this will help you not to step onto the warpath, although it is not a fact that your mother-in-law herself will not launch active offensive actions.
- Businesswoman. You're lucky, no doubt! Career is the meaning of her life, she is not up to the family. She will not notice the dust on the shelves and the empty fridge. She is above such trifles. She has enough of her problems. But if you also work in the same area, the idyll is secured. You will be proud of your mother-in-law, just like she is your daughter-in-law!
Some common tips
You must understand that in any case, no matter what your mother-in-law turns out to be, it is not your enemy. After all, you fell in love with her son - her treasure, the fruit of her life, the most precious person she has. Penetrate gratitude to the one that gives the most precious treasure to you. You accepted your companion as he is, with all the advantages and disadvantages. Take in your life and the one who loves him no less, condescending to her shortcomings. Understand one thing - it's not your rival.
Sometimes you can hear about the unwillingness of young daughters to call mother-in-law. In vain, because we pursue one goal, to live in peace with our mother-in-law. Firstly, it is a tribute to traditions, and secondly, if a woman hears this magic word, she immediately wakes up her mother's feelings for whoever said them, the desire to protect and protect. Do not deprive yourself of this golden key to her heart! "The obedient calf of two queens sucks," - so shows the wisdom of the people. And most importantly, do not forget that very soon you will become your mother-in-law. And being a mother-in-law is not any easier than being a daughter-in-law. To spoil relations is simple, but to save, achieve location, establish contact - a lot of work. If you decided to become a friend of his mother, then try to work a little on this.
- Try to find a common language with her, talk more.
- Do not criticize and do not complain about your husband, do not bring him up in the presence of his parents.
- Do not compare your mother-in-law with your mom, they can not be the same, they are different people.
- Do gifts of mother-in-law and know how to accept gifts with gratitude from her.
- Listen to the advice of your mother-in-law, do not be afraid to ask, ask to teach - it will only be pleasant for her.
- Live separately, but do not limit your husband and children in communicating with your mother-in-law.
- Share her interests, sincerely show interest and respect.
In order not to wonder: "How to live in peace with your mother-in-law?" - be tolerant and wise, remember that sometimes it is better to take a time-out than to prove your case. After all, each truth has two sides.