The life of a married couple does not always resemble a calm lake on a summer day. The ability to maintain mutual attraction and respect is the secret of happy coexistence. Various obstacles, temptations and losses ... Through this, it is necessary to pass through to all couples who decided to live together someday - possible difficulties can both harden and bring partners closer and separate and divorce them.
In love, the process of conquest and seduction never stops. Even after 10 or 20 years of living together, do not think that you can rest on your laurels. Preserving and maintaining feelings is a delicate matter, which requires constant attention. Listen to the desires of your partner, try to understand what changes have occurred in it for many years, learn to compromise and, most importantly, you need to know in which direction to develop your relationship. All this, of course, takes time, energy and optimism. And the desire for life!
How many passionate stories end in a fiasco, because our model of ideal relationships is extremely fragile and unreal. As a rule, we want to get everything at once: love, good sex, freedom and the opportunity for self-development. We live in a society that, as a rule, requires personal self-realization. The love of life, on the contrary, is not based on maintaining the whims of its "I", but on tranquility, enjoyment of communication with people, on mutual assistance and good attitude to everything that surrounds. This does not mean denying ambition and desire, forgetting about your plans and dreams. Not at all! You just need to always be able to compromise, accept possible difficulties, recognize that life changes when you live with someone. You will have to minimize your demands, accept the shortcomings of your "half" and be prepared for the inevitable minor setbacks in your life together.
Happiness depends on certain attitudes and behaviors that are cultivated and cultivated in oneself. Here are some tips on how to find yourself in the narrow space of a couple.
1. Build a harmonious relationship
To successfully taste a cocktail called "life for two", one must learn to build a dialogue, listen and tolerate. Respect and self-esteem are also important here.
A simple and familiar situation: two people quarreled. He sank into silence, accepted all reproaches without resentment, sitting with a stony expression on his face. She tirelessly tried to squeeze at least one word out of her mute interlocutor, often crossing all the boundaries of decency. Unfortunately, there is no single cure for this classic case. Perhaps the explanation lies in the fact that men and women express themselves differently at the time of the influx of feelings. Always remember that men always speak less, their vocabulary is poorer than that of women. But this does not mean that they are stone and do not feel anything. Women in this case just need to pay more attention to body language and gestures. Sometimes they will tell her more than the words of a man directly. By the way, so many serious consequences of conflicts can be avoided. Look carefully at the man - maybe he is already on the verge, do not bring him to the boiling point.
2. Solve Conflicts
Learn to decipher your partner's reactions to read between the lines, rather than grumbling and making minor comments. Just by watching his face and carefully watching his behavior, you will learn a lot about you. And do not get angry in vain - you know that it gives him pleasure, that it makes him angry when he is injured or in anger. Solve, based on your knowledge of the partner, when it will be convenient to start a conversation.
The fact that a couple sometimes argues and finds out relationships does not mean that their affairs are going badly and they are not allowed to live together. It happens, when couples live in constant scandals simply because both of them have hot blood. Delays, unforeseen expenses, improper behavior towards children: the result is an elevated voice, cavils and an overly emotional reaction to sometimes very minor things.
It is difficult to remain calm, especially after a hard day's work. More important is the ability to control the conflict, so that it does not turn into a real problem.
Simple rules: do not allow an open and uncompromising scandal, try to talk about problems in a calm tone, give priority to reasons, not emotions, give an opportunity to speak out to the other side, and then listen carefully to it. Disagreements and possible difficulties should lead to a search for a solution, and not to become a way to relieve high tension and release anger from yourself.
3. Learn from the mistakes of jealousy
Jealousy is normal. It in itself is not ugly, not shameful, not destructive. This we do it ourselves. This feeling in moderate doses can and should be controlled and even sometimes benefited from it. It's clear that when you see a beloved man talking to a beautiful woman, you feel a stab in the heart. This is understandable, but not aggressive in itself. But hysterics and espionage in your family - this can really become a threat to its very existence.
Men also suffer from jealousy. We, women, do not know! But they, they must be given their due, rarely sink to a painful intrusion into the woman's private space - digging in pockets, viewing incoming calls on the phone, peeping around the corner. Dangerous games, in which destructive jealousy plays a major role, completely deny any possibility of dialogue. And this is the main problem. Especially when concerns about treason are groundless.
4. Is it worth it to tell everything?
The desire for full transparency in relationships is rarely justified. Communication can be destroyed by admission of infidelity or something done in the past. In some families, one partner uses recognition as a means of payment. Like, I told you the truth - you owe me. In fact, such an open truth is not always "sweet" for a partner. The family is a fragile structure, which can easily be destroyed by its untimely revelation. Of course, if you can not keep something in yourself, it hurts you and you decide that you simply have to open - go ahead. But think about the consequences in advance. You yourself will relieve your soul, and your loved one can always piss on it. Indeed, in addition to systematic lies, it is sometimes better to remain silent if you want that there should be no crisis in the relationship. So you can live happily together for a long time.
5. Remember that a family is a partnership.
Do not tolerate the sister (or mother or brother) of her husband? Of course, you can tell him about it quietly, but once. And be prepared in advance for the fact that your word has no influence on the development of their relationship. Because they are his native people. They are also a family. How would you like it if your man spoke poorly of your relatives? And it's not even worth talking about. So why do not you accept equality in this matter? You are partners. And the desires of both must be respected by another of you. You can periodically "throw pebbles in the garden" of his family. These repetitive scenes may even seem harmless, but in fact they deeply offend the partner and are based on a misunderstanding of the essence of things, which often comes later. It is better to compromise, and let the person next to you better remain a loyal and loyal member of both your own and your family. Tactically move aside and do not interfere.
6. Protecting Your Freedom
The future of each pair depends on the ability of both sides to continue and live their lives without being completely dependent on each other. Some women dare not go to the cinema without a husband. They are very timid, limited in their work, have their own environment beyond which they can not escape. Indeed, sometimes it's hard to imagine, especially at the beginning of a relationship. But this occurs quite often. One partner (more often a man) limits the freedom of the other. The reasons are different - from real care to banal jealousy. At the same time, some uncomplainingly agree to such a "bondage", suffering in silence, and some try to fight it. And this is completely normal.
Everyone should have the opportunity of independent social life, which brings him satisfaction. Because it indirectly enriches and strengthens his inner world, makes sense in his life as a whole. Even in a couple there must be a certain freedom. Without it, it will not be possible to live together - possible difficulties can be avoided only by two free personalities.
7. The birth of a child should not be a problem
The appearance of the first child in the family is a serious test for young people living together. In the care of the baby, the role of the mother usually prevails over the role of the wife, and the father feels forgotten and abandoned.
Efforts are needed by both to cope with their new role, without violating the formerly former harmony of relationships and feelings. When a child is born, each member of the family must preserve their identity, and also accept for themselves that this is a new family consisting of three people. Preserving confidentiality is very important. Do not leave the child for a long time in his room, so as not to suffer from sexual relations. It will be superfluous also in the first months to take the help of one of the relatives. And you and your husband can at least sometimes retire and spend time together.
8. The need to recognize yourself as a couple
This seems obvious, but many can not internally adjust themselves to the fact that they are no longer alone. It is very important to "include" a couple in yourself and let others know that they are not alone now.
This should be recognized by colleagues, acquaintances, friends and relatives. Sometimes it is quite difficult, especially when it comes to a partner with a big difference in age, social status, education or experience of past marriages. Difficulties of recognition by others can lead to serious problems in relations between partners. The main thing here is to advocate for love and the desire to live together. And support each other in this.