In our time, the boundaries between the worlds of men and women are gradually blurred. So it seems from the outside. But in the end, each member of his gender "pulls the blanket over himself." Especially it is manifested in a joint life. A wife who earns more than her husband, touches his self-esteem; A partner who does not help around the house is irritated by her negligent attitude. Unwovished plates, snoring at night, a jacket not hung in the closet ... Minor troubles cause a worldwide scandal and loud quarrels. But you can learn to speak the same language to representatives of different planets, you just need to follow a certain strategy.
Two halves
Another problem of many couples is misunderstanding and separation from each other. It happens very often: young people are well together, they do not want to part. Then they decide to live together. But the bouquet-candy period quickly comes to an end. It is very painful for many of us to move from romance to sharing responsibilities in the home. Each person has a number of characteristics that manifest themselves in everyday life, and which his partner learns only when he begins to live with him. Against the backdrop of everyday problems, the process of distance from each other begins. Women are accustomed to blaming all men: "He does not talk to me, stopped giving gifts." In the situation of distance in a pair, two are to blame. As a result, ladies shift responsibility to the male sex. But men are just waiting for the initiative, the manifestations of love. Women are quite capable of transferring this to their fragile shoulders.
Who is the head in this house
In recent years, women have become more ambitious and strive to be on an equal footing with men in everything. Beautiful ladies can be seen at the leading positions of large companies no less than the owners of costumes-triples. And in business, women go hand in hand with men. As a result, some women began to earn two, or even three times more than their husbands. But men can not stand this competition. As a result: the scandal is due to the fact that the wife is the main earner, and the husband lags behind "on points". Why do men can not accept this phenomenon and still believe that the prerogative of women is to give birth to children and clean up in the house, creating a family cosiness? The answer to the question is at the genetic level. In times of cave people, females attracted to that male, who was luckier than the rest: he hunted better, was more successful among his relatives. In ancient women, he enjoyed success, because this particular man could have the best offspring. At the genetic level, it was imprinted. Therefore, modern males are hard going through competition, especially with the female. But not only genes affect the heightened sense of competition in men. American scientists found that their stronger than women, affects the superiority and success of the partner in the work. This is due to the large amount of testosterone in the body. Thanks to him, the male aggravated the desire to be the first in everything. Plus, his family influences the idea of the family way of a man. If the father was an earner, and the mother was at home, it is difficult for him to change and perceive other settings, because the program laid down in childhood, he takes as a basis.
Strategy of behavior:
- Do not make excuses for your success.
- Do not say that you understand how bad it is for him now, do not feel sorry for him: this will further hurt his feelings.
- Thank him for his support, for a deliciously prepared dinner.
- Ask for advice on how to do it better, solve certain issues - let him feel himself to be the main one.
- Admire his actions on trifles, for example, what a fine fellow he is, that he hung a shelf, it is so strong and sound, as if a real master did it.
- Do not report him for failure and stagnation in his career. Do not degrade his dignity.
According to the results of the research of the American Psychological Association, it was found out that women, due to the flexibility of their character and not so strong, unlike men, striving for leadership, retained their jobs during various crises. Just unlike men, they agreed to demotion and / or salary.
Debriefing
To better understand each other, sometimes you just need to talk in a relaxed atmosphere, sitting at the table. Tell your partner all the claims that you have accumulated. Let him do the same. And it is desirable to discuss the problems while they are in their embryo, and not a year and a half later, after they gained momentum. And it is absolutely necessary to shift the emphasis from the dispute "who is to blame?" To find a solution "what to do?". Try to feel that you are really dear to each other, and that each of you has words that he would like to say to another. Everyone in the depths of the soul hopes that the other will understand him, despite the shell of the rude acts and statements that he makes. Talk calmly, do not go over to higher tones.
Strategy of behavior:
- Go on a date. Assign it to your partner, go to a cafe, restaurant, for a walk. There you can talk heart to heart and solve your problems. Tell each other about your hobbies. Perhaps you or your partner will be interested in each other's hobbies.
- Take a fishing trip with him, and let him go with you to dance lessons. Joint hobbies bring together.
- More often have fun together. Go to the cinema, bowling or club, do not forget about the cultural life - a joint visit to an exhibition or a concert can throw an interesting topic for conversation.
- Give your friend presents, surprises. If you want your young man to give you flowers, tell him about it or subtlely hint. He's not a telepath to know what you want now. In turn, too, give pleasant little things to your boyfriend. Or write him little notes with the wishes of a good day. They can be left in the pocket of his jacket or in a bag.
About Moydodyr
From time immemorial it was believed that when men were engaged in hunting, women kept a home. It would seem that times have changed, but family arrangements are not. The roots of this problem grow from the family. If the mother forced her son to clean up with him, in his family life he is unlikely to leave unwashed plates. If the mother always cleaned up for him, for the man in the order of things, that in the house the order should be watched by a woman. If you think about it, in such a situation a woman is ready for anything, just to remake her partner for herself. But when you force a young person to do something - believe me, he takes it as your desire to command them. That's why he quietly sabotages all your instructions.
Strategy of behavior:
- Most importantly - do not push on the man. Offer him the role of accomplice or assistant in joint affairs.
- Sit down with a young man and paint all the responsibilities of the house, who and what kind of front work does.
- Set the order of household duties and determine the penalties for their non-compliance. Remember at the same time that you create rules for the whole family, and do not limit the freedom of an individual, so punishment for violation of the rules will be applied to you in the same situation in the same way. Thus, you will show your man that you take on no less than him.
Strategy of behavior:
- For the first time, better leave for a short while, a maximum of a week and a half.
- Call your young man every day, share your impressions.
- If your man also wants to someday somewhere to go alone, do not make scenes, scandals and interrogations.