The simplest (but not the most correct) way out is by obeying friends and relatives, to run, where the eyes look. If you think that it will be really better, a strong man's shoulder is not required and will never be needed. Because with a second marriage, the situation can be repeated with one hundred percent accuracy. After all, in any contradiction, both sides are always to blame.
So, let's start from the very beginning - that is, from the moment the family was created. Is not it true that your chosen one was the embodiment of masculinity and reliability? Why has it changed so much, why should you make you go looking for work?
Whatever one may say, but in a marriage there is always a rivalry between partners. This happens often subconsciously, but it results in very real results.
A man by nature is a leader, and when there are no real qualities for him, they should manifest themselves only in the family. And if at some stage of life it happened that you took on all the "male" work - started to earn more than he did, or in general took full responsibility for the maintenance of the family - not only his self-esteem suffers, but also the psyche in whole. Yes, yes, and do not treat this with irony!
For example, let's imagine how children compete. Take the cross at a long distance. When the leader is knocked out ahead, which leaves all the others far behind, many continue to run, hoping for the second, third place, or simply out of sport interest. But there are also such guys who leave the race. Because they do not see the point in the further struggle. You ask, what does this situation have to do with a family where an adult man refuses to take responsibility?
Yes, the most direct. It so happened that at this stage of family life your husband was in outsiders, and you are in the lead. Few of the males can not break in this situation, to survive it with dignity. So it comes to their mind that you do not need to change anything anymore, because you have enough for the most necessary. And if you do not have enough, you will earn.
You can blame the husband for weakness, wail, itch in your ear - all this will only exacerbate the already difficult situation. Better acknowledge (to yourself) that your man is weak. But, believe me, from this he did not cease to be a man. And it's still possible to fix it.
The first thing to do is remember that you are a woman, do not be afraid to become weak again. This, of course, is very hard and scary. It is impossible to quit work and doom the family to a beggarly existence! But to make some, even small, steps in this direction is simply necessary.
If you love your husband, show him that he is a strong shoulder to you! Make it clear that you can not do things without it. Sweat his pride: start at least occasionally say that he is strong, strong-willed - others would have lost their job, long ago they drank, and he is not like that! And only then start complaining about colleagues, superiors, overwork at work. If the family does not lose the atmosphere of love, respect, mutual support, this will necessarily work.
Just do not wait for instant results. The work does not appear on the wave of a magic wand. Moreover, it is always hard for a man to go, for example, in plumbing, after in the previous place he acted as deputy director. Be tactful.
If the husband does not like the position he found, and he hastily rejects it, tearfully ask him to think again - because you are having problems at work, perhaps there is a reduction. Give him a good reason why he should break himself. This is a subtle psychological moment, quite difficult for a man - to start working after several years of idle pastime.
The word "force", stated in the title of this article, reflects the attitude of most wives to the problem of male unemployment and irresponsibility. But such ladies should understand that the strength in this matter is not only an assistant, but also an additional hindrance. Forcing to do anything against the will can only be a slave, weak, weak-willed. What for to you such husband, what for it is necessary to put efforts to force the husband to work?
And yet: often after the divorce, ex-husbands amaze with the rise of a career. Have not thought, why this happens? Yes, no one suppresses them, does not trample them in the mud! In the power of any intelligent, determined woman to grow a man's wings behind his back. Remember this, love and respect your spouse, give him the right to lead. Let go of the reins of government, and he will pick them up!