How to raise honesty in a child

There is an opinion that at a certain age all children begin to graft and fantasize that it is absolutely normal. Nothing like this! The child starts to lie, based on the specific circumstances associated with his surroundings, with relationships, with his family and peers. If you do not stop trying to get your way through lies or hide something the same way, soon the child will begin to perceive deceit as a norm of behavior. Deception will pass from him, if I may say so, into a "chronic form", when it will be extremely difficult to do something.

How do parents feel that the child has started to lie? Psychologists in one voice declare softly and without violence to give the child to realize the value of the concept of "honesty". There are several tips on how to make it easier without hurting the vulnerable child's psyche. Only a little patience and tact, and the child will not look for lies from all arising problems.

The child

It is the duty of people to respond to the same trust. The same applies to children. If you give to understand the child that you believe him, he will not deceive (unless unconsciously). Let the child feel your confidence. For example, you suddenly began to notice for your child increased aggressiveness, pugnaciousness. Do not always accompany him to the street with a threat: "Just try again there fuck with someone!" Or "Let them just complain about you again!". So you involuntarily form the child's stereotype of his behavior, provoke bad deeds. Better say: "Behave yourself - I'm sure you can do it. You see I'm good! "You will see - the child will trust you, just lie will not be needed.

Explain the value of truth

It is important to understand how truth is "useful". Talk to him about how the world looked if everyone lied to each other. Fantasize together on this topic. Tell the child a couple of stories about scammers and poor people, deceived by them. Explain that liars spoil their own lives, because they cease to be respected, no one trusts them. Deceit does not make friends be near, but all, on the contrary, will try not to mess with such a liar.

Do not give a reason for cheating

Avoid such questions, which the child is more likely to lie than tell the truth. For example, if the child has broken something, and you know about it, then do not put the question this way: "Did you beat Etho?". Most likely, he will lie. Better say directly: "I saw that you broke a cup. How did this happen? "Such a question completely excludes the possibility of deception. The main thing is to be as kind as possible at that moment, then the child will not have to tell lies. Malevolence from the parents most often provokes the child for deception for fear of being punished.

Do not demean the child by interrogation

It happens that the child did not immediately confess. In this case it is useless to interrogate him, insisting on his own. Usually in such cases a quarrel arises. "It's not me!" - "No, it's you. Admit it! "-" It's not me, "etc. Immediately explain to the child that it's so foolish and stupid to do it, because everyone already knows the truth. Tell me how you can get out of this situation worthy. Based on the principles of upbringing in your family, you can tell the child if you are certain of his fault. If you are not sure exactly, it's better to say: "I hope that you do not lie. I'll still find out the truth and be very upset if you deceive me. "


If the child has confessed to his misdemeanor, rejoice over him: "It's good that he told the truth. Of course, I'm disappointed, but you yourself confessed. " Next comes the self-help for the parents - how to be punished if the child himself came to be a spouse? If he is punished, then on another occasion he may no longer confess. But if you leave a misdemeanor unpunished, the child generally will take it as a matter of course. In this case, the punishment must be applied conditional. Give the child the opportunity to correct his guilt. Be sure to show the bad consequences of his misconduct, but just explain how you can avoid it. The child should see that you are upset, but you hope that this will not happen again.

Read educational books

Together with a child read fairy tales, in which the moral is how important it is to be honest in the world. Children often want to be like the heroes of your favorite fairy tales-support this impulse. Books sometimes will best give the child to understand and realize all the bad consequences of lying, and at the same time books will never shame the child in case of deceit. After reading the instructive tale together with a child, ask how he would behave in place of the main character. Disassemble "on the shelves" of the hero's actions, making the appropriate conclusions together. Let the child say in which he himself sees the basic idea of ​​a fairy tale. Be sure to discuss in the course of reading the situation in which the heroes turn out to be.

Ask the child how he would act if he were one or the other character. If someone does not act honestly, stop the reading and let the child imagine what will happen next. Let him think whether the dishonesty of the hero will have bad consequences, whether his offense will affect his relations with the rest of the people. This is a very useful exercise in the form of a game of "guessing". The child will first tell you his assumptions on the next plot, and then you will read how the events in the fairy tale developed. It will be interesting to see if the fantasy of the child coincides with the described events of the book.

With the help of an adult, the child will be able to determine what the essence of the fairy tale is in the importance of honest confessions in any situation. Then at last ask the child to tell, that, in its opinion, such "honesty", that the person who has told the truth and what feelings at the deceived survives. Help the child fix the right thought of honesty in his mind. Let him draw a picture on the topic: "The man who said the truth," "The man who cheated." Talk to the child, how hard it is to regain confidence, lost once because of lies.

Showing example of honesty

Children in full imitate parents. This must be understood and taken into account. If you, for example, at home, and ask the child to answer that you are not, if on the train, when buying a child's ticket, you say that the child is five, and he is actually seven, you justify the child before the cases in which the "holy cause" to lie. Children learn all the time, and their truthfulness will also have a relative character - from case to case. Young children do not understand double morality. If you had to lie, the child saw it, then be sure to explain it, explain the reason for your confession. Recognize that you made a mistake that you were told a lie and you are very unpleasant, but sometimes it happens in life.