Relationships are fragile as a crystal vase. Unfortunately, many people start to understand this only when there was a break in relations, when he left, maybe even to another. Up to this point, though women perfectly see, feel and understand the proximity of collapse, they do nothing, they often just live and act as before in the hope of a good magician who will change everything for the better, which will return everything in the old days and then there will be no life, but a fairy tale ... But this is life! She's sober ... You just miss the time when you can still do something.
And the worst happened - he left. This is a very strong shock for any woman. It's clear how hard it is for you now. Often women in this situation stop thinking, they are not able to act properly to take any constructive steps.
What to do?
First, you must first REFLECT and only then can you find ways to solve this situation. If you need it, go to a friend or a priest (a psychologist, etc.), they will understand and pity you, calm down and give you a little common sense so that you can really and specifically act. Either find the strength within yourself and get ready so that you can take the right steps so that you can understand yourself and avoid the mistakes you made, could find the meaning of life, discover its new taste. In any case, to return it, you must first calm down and then you can already look for constructive ways to return it. And if now you have already calmed down and are determined to do everything to try (just to try) to get it back to get a new meaning of life, then read on.Secondly, you must understand that you can not just return the past or fix something in the previous relationship. The past is gone forever, the past is a ghost, after which it is senseless to chase ... You can only forget everything that happened before, and build completely different, qualitatively new relationships, radically different from those that were before. You can only start from the beginning, start a new romance from scratch. And in him the main character can be him. You can not glue a broken vase ... You can only make a new vase. And it will only depend on you whether it will be better than before, but in any case it will already be another vase, other relationships. And this new relationship vase must necessarily be different, different from the old in everything, to the smallest detail (remember what he wanted to see in you, and you resisted). Otherwise, your old stereotypes will not work, which will not allow you to live normally, and even if you manage to return it, everything will return to normal. And you'll be thinking how to get rid of it ...
Therefore, first of all, you need to understand yourself, in your mistakes. Then you really need to evaluate it, how much it is possible to build something serious with him and be happy.
But this should be a novel in any case. What do you need to start this new novel? Your beauty and charm, which should be on top !!! You could win it last time, and besides, now you know its weaknesses and addictions and if you're in shape and it shows interest, you can do it again. So now you need the most important thing - you need to find the peace of mind to be on top again.
Where to begin? With myself, my beloved! Look at yourself from the side. How do they look at you? You must have noticed and felt that the surrounding men in transport, on the street and in the store stopped paying attention to you, although more recently you have been constantly catching these looks. So something has changed in you, and it has not changed for the better. Why such a beautiful woman like you suddenly became unprepossessing? Why did men stop noticing you? The reason is simple - you have lost the attraction, that is, self-confidence has disappeared and self-esteem has fallen sharply.
If you want to change something, get the man back or forget him and find your happiness with the other, then we must start with this, we must return the former attraction and strengthen it a hundred times! In general, we must bring ourselves into a dazzling appearance. You are no longer a little girl and you know perfectly well and understand that to attract a man, the most important is not beauty, but attractiveness, sex appeal, that is, your inner state of mind. And that any man (including the former) drew attention to you, you need to again become attractive, to find past sexuality and self-confidence. If he sees you now in this state, it will only aggravate your already unenviable position. Therefore, until you have managed to get rid of this gloomy state, avoid any meetings with him.
In addition, now you are raging negative emotions on the surface of consciousness, which must be curbed and get rid of them. To achieve this, you must first forget it (at the level of consciousness) as soon as possible, free your head from it, from the previous emotions and stereotypes, because while in your head (more precisely, on the surface of consciousness), only negative emotions. These negative emotions will not allow you to act normally, they destroy and you need to get rid of them. Any communication with him now only aggravates your situation, which is why you must first regain your strength, get rid of the negative attitude on him. Otherwise, in your relationship will again be built walls, not bridges.
Positive emotions from him in any case will remain, they are deep in the subconscious, so you can be calm about this. It's just about the superficial emotions that have overwhelmed you now and that do not allow you to live normally and act properly. And now you need confidence in yourself, in your strengths and charms more than ever, and a clear program of action. Therefore, while you should avoid any contact with him. You are now just fixated on it and this condition must first be destroyed, replaced by life-affirming, joyful, cheerful and constructive. Only then can you really achieve something! When you gain the former confidence, only then (not earlier!) Can you take any steps to rapprochement, to the tying of a new novel. To begin with, it should only be a passing, seemingly coincidental meeting, on the street or where it happens, and he should just see you, and you should not look in his direction, should behave as if he did not notice him. By his reaction, you will understand whether a new romance is possible. If he is indifferent, then nothing will happen ... If he shows interest, then one can boldly develop relations and build them in a new place. But we'll talk about this in the next chapters ...
So, the first thing to do is increase your self-esteem and attractiveness to the former or better to a higher level. This will take some time. Someone will have a week, someone will need a month, and someone half a year. And for this time it is necessary to exclude any contacts with him.
How to do it? The Russian proverb says: a wedge is knocked out by a wedge. That is, this place in your head (on the surface of consciousness), occupied with negative thoughts, must be filled with something and someone else, but with positive emotions. Only in this way you can raise self-esteem and gain confidence in yourself to act further. In the following chapters, you will find exercises, diligently performing which you will be able to move in the right direction and regain self-confidence.
Increase self-esteem
To increase self-esteem and gain self-confidence as a first step, you must constantly do one known exercise to increase the attractiveness, this is the so-called meditation on an imaginary partner.
As you well know, attraction is an internal feature of your psyche. Therefore, take it as just an exercise, like morning exercises or washing, like dressing or brushing your teeth, just like the gymnastics of the mind. Perhaps, first you will have to make an effort, but gradually the more you practice, the easier it will be for you. And soon you will easily be able to notice positive changes in yourself. Just do it and be sure to see and feel the result.
So, the essence of the exercise: to forget it, one must constantly think about someone else, an outsider to a man. It is necessary to choose among men of unfamiliarity (perhaps even just in the crowd) of any man who liked something, attracted your attention. And then in your imagination start building love and all other plans with him, imagine how well you would live together. Try to make these fantasies as bright as possible. Everybody likes to fantasize. Fortunately, I'm sure that you will do it well, because fantasy and, in particular, love fantasy in women is developed very well.
So, more love experiences, signs of attention, romance, sex, even stormy sex and details of intimate relationships, common interests, quiet family life, joint children - in general, more imagination and more pictures from the future life together with this unfamiliar man. If this time you have something particularly successful, next time you need to develop further the same theme, the same imagination. Come back again and again to what has been especially successful in the past. Any of the experiences can be easily learned. The brighter and more exciting the fantasies are, the closer the desired result. If this man is least familiar to you (for work, for joint activities, for housework, etc.), then ideally these imaginary fantasies will be backed up by actions aimed at him, with a charming smile, take his any signs of attention, communicate more with him and observe his reaction. In addition, start with interest to look around to outsiders. Do it all the time, everywhere - on the street, in the transport, in the shops, at work ... When you go out, pay attention to the surrounding men. The longer you do it, the easier it will be for you to change. The minimum period to complete this exercise is one week, although it may be necessary for someone and more. Exercise should be done constantly, when you have a free minute, for food, in transport, on the street, in a shop ... The more and the deeper the fantasies, the faster the changes will be.
If he, the former, suddenly called himself, then this is your first victory. BUT! While you are with him restrained and do not give him any promises. No meetings! No clarification. And if you had stupid thoughts about revenge, then forget about them. For you now, only you are important, think only of yourself, your mood, your inner energy. Now you first yourself have to calmly figure out your relationship and decide how to proceed.
What to tune in?
It's good that the first exercise helps you to calm down a little, helps to forget it, to displace it from the area of ​​momentary emotions. And, most importantly, it increases your confidence and self-esteem. To further facilitate your brain this task, you must perform one more - the second exercise. Namely, to bet on another man, to exclude the former from the list of his potential suitors. In any case, your relationship will be different and it will also be different, so this applies to 100% regardless of how and with whom your future life will develop. This helps to expand the range of your positive emotions, makes you an internally self-sufficient woman. As a result, all this helps not only to survive any outcome, but also to look at life with optimism and, in any case, worthy to arrange your life in the future and, finally, to find your happiness.
For this it is necessary to rethink why and why you all love it. Usually girls in this state believe that they simply can not love someone else. This is not true. Of course, it seems so now and if you do not make efforts or exercises on yourself, this state of numbness can last for long, sometimes even for many years ... Those girls who are faithful and just waiting are naive, who believe that he is for this when - Anyone will return to her. This is the biggest mistake women make. The fact is that to the one you used to be, he will NEVER return! You really do not need that kind of thing anymore, the maximum he needs is another you who have gained experience, understood yourself, realized the mistakes and learned to avoid them, who knows what can and should be sacrificed for the sake of one's happiness. But this is a completely different woman ... And this other, wise woman, you should be.
So, now you are still in a strong psychological dependence on him, which can be compared with drug addiction. In other words, now you have taken a dose and started a break-up. In this state, a man screams in pain and he does not care how to get a dose (return a loved one). That's why you need to get rid of this dependence first - it prevents you from acting correctly. Do these exercises and breaks will pass, you will be able to fully "cure". And then you can breathe freely and assess the severity of the chains that you threw off. Because dependence is always a chain. To change yourself in the right direction you have to count and adjust to the fact that he will never return, that from now on you will live without him. Ultimately, this will allow you to completely free yourself of its dependence and already start another life with or without it, as you yourself want. How to do it? Do the second exercise.
The essence of this exercise is to constantly receive positive emotions. They used to be their source, now it must be something else, easily accessible to you. To achieve this, constantly inspire yourself that now your main task is to enjoy yourself in life in all its small things - in food, in clothes, in cultural life, in entertainments, etc. Buy yourself favorite delicacies, beautiful things, go to relax where you have long dreamed, go to your favorite play or watch a film in the movie that you wanted to see. In general, fill your life with joys, succumb to yourself in your little pleasures and do it daily! In general, one should not live in anticipation of his return, but live for his own joys, enjoy life from life. Find joy and pleasure in everything that surrounds you, fill every day of your life with these small and big joys. All this will also allow you to further strengthen your attractiveness, you will finally emit fluids, which will attract attention to the surrounding men. You will certainly see it, feel it and notice it. And this will mean that you have done this lesson perfectly.
How to behave?
Now let's figure out how to behave with him, if he suddenly returns? What are the most common mistakes women make at the beginning of a new relationship with him?
First, you need to clearly know and understand that now you have the same negative emotions - allergies, complete dislike or even disgust. Even if you now have a conversation, in fact, he will not even listen to you, skipping past your ears. He has now developed persistent negative reflexes like Pavlov's dog, these reflexes apply absolutely to everything that you once connected. Therefore, nothing should remind him of your previous relationship.
So, the biggest mistake will be to try and renew the relationship with him just like it was at the beginning of your past relationship, no matter how beautiful they started. Now all your past relationships, even the most pleasant moments, are associated with negative emotions, so you have to carefully forget them and it will be a big mistake if you remind him of some of your previous even the most pleasant moments! All this will only irritate him and aggravate the situation ...
So, the first rule: you must try to forget ALL that was before and avoid any hints at any events in the past that you have experienced together, no matter how joyful they were !!! You must avoid the old places of meetings, places where you went together. It will be a big mistake if you agree to meet in one of your former favorite places, even if he himself offers it! It will be a fatal mistake if you go to a favorite movie theater, theater or a concert hall. In general, everything that once bound you must be forgotten! So far, it will only irritate him at the subconscious level, unconsciously causing negative emotions.
Secondly, one must learn to cope with his negative reflexes worked out on you, which you can not win in the forehead. It is necessary to act in a softer bypass way, you have to change internally yourself (it's also good to change your image, makeup, hair style, style of clothes, etc.) a little, so that he does not recognize in you the one that he hated so that you could deceive his former reflexes at you. When you can deceive his subconscious, only then you will have a chance to resume previous relationships, although they will not be and should not be the former - they must necessarily be OTHER !!!
Before anything can be done, it is necessary to think about whether this reminds us of the previous relationship. At first it will be difficult, you will have to control yourself and strain, but in time a habit will develop and all this will turn out automatically, of course, you just will not think about it. And this will in fact be a new affair with the former man. This is the only way to renew relations with him at the previous or even higher level. You already know him well, remember your mistakes, which now must be carefully avoided in dealing with him.
In general, now in the relationship with him everything should be different, all the details (more precisely, especially in small things)! In fact, for him it must be a new romance with another woman. Everything depends on how dear to you this person is and what you are ready to go for your purpose. It will be difficult, for this you have to step over your pride. Of course, if you are not ready for all this, it is better to forget about it immediately and look for someone else, in order to build new relationships in the new place, taking into account the previous mistakes.