As it usually happens, after a not very pleasant situation, whether it be leprosy, an accidentally thrown phrase or a parting with a loved one, for a while, which may drag on, various thoughts gnaw. And it's good if it was a temporary awakening of conscience or something like that, but the problem is that it often grows into more: a paranoia that it seems impossible to cope with. With one memory of the incident immediately rolling emotions, and so you can for a long time to dehydrate and fall into depression, if not get rid of the power of unpleasant thoughts.
1. Quarrel or parting with a loved one
Example:
The girl broke up with her young man. Day after day she went in deep sadness, she ate and slept badly, constantly looked at the photos together, cried, envied any couple she met, and could never forget her govority, thinking about him again and again.
Throwing out of my head the thought of my second half is difficult, especially for girls, but sometimes guys can suffer for their ex, although they do not manifest it too openly. To forget about your beloved (if this is just a parting, and not a quarrel), you need to switch your thoughts to something else. Ideal in this case will be a new acquaintance. It is advisable that the new guy at all is not familiar with your ex, otherwise you will start to do everything demonstratively, subconsciously trying to cause the beloved former jealousy. Perhaps a temporary acquaintance via the Internet will be the best solution: first, you do not interspare with the new guy on the first day to spite the former; secondly, you can not go beyond that, when feelings become too strong, but at some time a new person you get carried away, and this will help to forget about the old.
In the case of the quarrel, everything is much simpler: if you can not overcome your own pride and go to make up first, distract the movies. A good movie is capable of distracting from anything, from any quarrel: with a friend, parents, friends. This includes books and any hobbies that you have (knitting, drawing, modeling, etc.). But it's better to realize that it's not good to quarrel, and to meet your loved one first. It lifts you in his eyes.
2. Unpleasant phrase, accidentally dropped a person
Example:
"I hate you, I hate you!" I do not need you at all, I never loved you, one day I will leave your house and never come back! Cried the fifteen-year-old boy and slammed the door loud and pathetically, disappeared into his room. Fifteen minutes later, the mother and son reconciled, but from the head of the boyishnikak did not come abandoned words of hatred, and he was tormented that night with a scamp.
An unpleasant situation, there is no arguing, however, the example is the most disconcerting, and the word is not a sparrow, so an abandoned phrase can later turn sideways. But in most cases, the person self-winds. There are two options for the development of events:
a) Sometimes people can not pay attention if they say something unpleasant, because they understand that it was unintentional or on emotions. Either can be offended, but not for long. So, here you should remember that if you did not feel changes in respect to yourself in a day or three, you can be sure that the person has already forgotten about the past incident and the sensations are meaningless.
b) Of course, there are more vindictive personalities. If you subconsciously feel that something is wrong, a week has passed, and you are occasionally able to look askance, to respond evilly, to get irritated at the slightest occasion, etc., it is worthwhile to talk. It should look like an accidental conversation, not a planned conversation in advance. You need to recall what you said back then (a person will most likely say that he has already forgotten, but if you really felt a negative change - that's not true), and then - apologize, say how rogue, and also that you are still tormented because of the then incident. If you say everything sincerely, a person will believe you, and then you will feel that everything has been restored. And if he did not forgive you - why do you have such a friend (parents, as in the example, just forgive, they have no choice)?
3. Disrespectful, shameful or ugly act
Example 1:
The girl came to the university, took her place, where previously "good" classmates poured melted chocolate. As a result, the girl's light pants looked not very presentable, and the student herself did not come to the medical institution for a week, burning with shame in her own apartment.
Example 2:
- And let's pour the chocolate on the chair, and when [Name] comes and sits on a chair, she's covered! - joyfully offered one stalwart student to a friend.
- Lets do it! - agreed the second, despite the fact that he did not really want to do it. As a result, the "surprise" was a success: the girl laughed at the girl, she was disgraced and ceased to appear at the university. And the second friend was worried, nervous, regretted what he had done and wanted to return everything.
1) In the first case, you need to get a little deeper into psychology. First: all people are selfish. They looked at something funny, laughed and crashed, if there was no constant cause of new bursts of laughter or reasons. From here follows the second: the more a person sharpens attention to an unpleasant incident, the brighter the reaction. Suppose a girl returned to the university, she is ashamed, but she suddenly realizes that everyone has already forgotten everything. Yes, there may be someone who remembers what happened, but here it all depends on her, on the student: if she does not react or smiles sweetly, everyone will not care. Nobody will laugh again and remind her all year about what happened. If she breaks, gets into trouble or shows how painful, hurtful and unpleasant it is, everyone can attack like a piranha. This can not be allowed.
So, when you understand that everyone does not care about what happened, you will stop self-winding automatically.
2) Yes, actions that we regret are happening. There is nothing to change, but this is no reason to despair and forever regret the discomfited. Apology is the best option. The more sincere it looks, the better. If possible - give a small present when you ask for forgiveness. No matter how selfish it may sound, you should be indifferent, sincerely if you are forgiven, if it is not your friend, with whom you pay in the future to maintain a relationship. The main thing is for you to be told that, you are forgiven (most people say it anyway). It will become more easily vigaranted.
4. Scary thoughts
Example:
The guy was afraid to leave the house, because he had an obsession. It seemed that he should step on the threshold of his apartment, as something inevitably would happen to him: the car would be knocked down, the brick head would fall, he himself would fall into the sewer hatch, and so on. Because of this, the pair sat on their parents' neck, did nothing, but constantly thought about how terrible it was to live.
Perhaps this version is the most neglected. Here are the real problems in my head. True, it is not a fact that this is not intuition, because some refuse to board a doomed plane, despite the ticket purchased, but even often it's all in the head.
Conventional abstract advice is unlikely to help, you need to force yourself to do something. Despite the fear, you have to force yourself to go out into the street. Force to cross the road. Constantly to force. Usually such problems are of little concern to those who regularly go somewhere, such thoughts arise in those who do not do anything altogether. A person needs to get a job, find friends and a favorite hobby, and he will not notice how paranoid thoughts leave him.
Some general final advice
First, I want to remind you that people are mostly selfish. Whatever a person has done, no matter how much he himself did not worry about it, it is unlikely that everyone will be constantly fixated on his misdemeanor, because he does not care. After realizing this, it becomes much easier to live. Yes, for a while, perhaps, everyone will be reminded of what happened to tease or get a man out of himself, but if you do not pay attention to similar personalities, everything will be forgotten very soon.
Secondly, the best temporary (and sometimes not temporary) remedy for one's own thoughts is distraction. You can distract yourself by anything or anyone, be it music, books, movies, people, hobbies, cleaning, etc. This will definitely help.