Parents who adopted a child, sooner or later wonder whether it's worth telling the kid the truth about it. And if you say, how and when can you tell the child that he is an adoptive?
If a child becomes interested in the issue of his birth, then he is ready to receive the information that parents can share with him, only she should be as close to the truth as possible. A child should not feel that he is deceived.
Until the age of four, children are practically not interested in how they were born. They do not think about the past or the future, but simply live in the present moment. Therefore, the most important thing in this period is to create an atmosphere of lightness and harmony for them. For children at this time, the main thing is only what parents feel in their hearts about adoption.
At the same age, you should already begin to shape the child's conviction that adoptive parents are perfectly normal and that there is nothing wrong with that. You can do this by means of fairy tales, where foster parents are figured (irrespective of his personality), scenes in games and the like.
Children under the age of four perceive everything they are told by their parents, literally. So, with the question of the child, from where he appeared instead of stories about a stork or cabbage, you can say that you got it yourself, that is, adopted. Since the child is unlikely to understand what this word means, he will still continue to consider you to be real parents, while learning the truth.
When a child turns five, he begins to be interested in everything in the world. It is at this point that it is best to reveal to the baby the secret of his birth. They can greatly facilitate this task for you, trying to learn the meanings of words.
Try to answer the child's questions clearly, with maximum clarity, calmly and simply, according to his level of development. Do not try to talk to him like an adult, telling about the departure of his parents with complicated explanations - he hardly understands, but it can frighten him.
Mention in the conversation the fact that there are such parents in the world who can both give birth and raise their child, and also that there are also those who can give birth, but they can not educate. And, finally, that there are those who can not give birth, but want to educate, and that then the second parents give their children a third, so that everyone can be happy.
Try to be prepared for the fact that the child's question about his appearance in the family will rise more than once. This may be due to the fact that children often need to hear something several times to remember this and establish clear ideas about it. With such repetitions, try to make sure that the child has understood you correctly. Also, for this you can, for example, ask the baby to retell the story of his birth to his toys, while, if necessary, correcting it.
The adolescent period, that is, after reaching the age of twelve, can hardly be called at all suitable for communicating such news, because at that moment the child is questioning everything, his mood and self-esteem are constantly changing, and any words from outside can be met with a violent reaction . In such circumstances, the news that he was abandoned, and then adopted and he has not been told the truth to this time, can be very painful, so if you still decide to report it now, it is necessary to carefully and very carefully choose the time and words, which it will be presented.
At the moment when you decide to tell the child that he is a foster, it is necessary that between you there is no conflict and friction, as this can serve to him to justify all the ongoing negative in your relations with him. Note for him the fact that you love him, and his biological origin does not play any role for you.
Certainly, it will be wise to apologize to the child if he learns the truth late. Try to explain it to him that for you he always remained a native and you did not want to hurt him. And so you can talk with him on an equal footing, counting on the support and understanding of the child.