Resentment, accusations, spoiled relations - that's what you can get in response to a just, it would seem, comment. But can you honestly express your opinion and attitude to the situation and at the same time remain in good relations with others? Let's try!
Double standard
At once we will specify that it is not a question of truth as such, not of truth, but only of what seems to us right and fair.
Psychologists say that whenever we decide to tell someone the truth, we are actually pursuing two goals. The first, external - to find out the relationship. The second, internal - justify their own attitudes: views, thoughts, emotions. And it is this hidden motive, about which our vis-a-vis, as a rule, and does not guess, makes us be especially irreconcilable in the statements.
The first rule for a "truth-seeker": before you say anything in a relationship, think about whether you are going to transfer the topic to yourself, instead of discussing the problems of the interlocutor.
For example, you reproach a friend that she behaved indiscreetly in a cafe, kissing in front of everyone with her friend. Does this mean that you envy her, and would be in her place with pleasure? In this case, you can hardly understand each other and agree ...
In every barrel ...
The following rule is especially important for those who aspire (believe that, out of good intentions) to indicate, prompt, help everyone indiscriminately.
Remember how many times you came across the fact that a person seems to be saying everything right, but since he is not aware of all the nuances of what is happening, his words sound ridiculous and at the same time offensive words - spoiled relations look ridiculous?
When you are going to express your opinion, ask yourself: do you concern other people's problems, do you know the whole background of the current situation.
Always draw a line between your own and other people's affairs and relationships: you should not go where you are not asked, then you can not get into a mess, and you will not offend anyone.
Stubborn facts
Do you know what remarks hurt people the most? Not those that give an assessment of an act or behavior of a person, but those that relate to his personality. It's not for nothing that psychologists call on parents, making comments to children, talking only about misconduct, and not about the child himself. "You did not do it right" instead of "You're such a fool (stupid, dunce)."
The same applies to adults. If you talk about facts without hurting self-esteem, you will not put a person in an embarrassing situation when he does not know, justify himself, defend himself or attack.
Try to turn the conversation in such a way that the interlocutor felt: you are ready to evaluate his good intentions, along with him you worry that the result was deplorable.
A truthful statement of offensive words - spoiled relationships can be put in the form of a joke (but not humiliating ridicule!). With the help of a joke you will easily and kindly emphasize the absurdity of what happened, help a person with humor and take consequences.
The main thing is to respect the feelings of others and try to understand their motives. And maybe "your truth" will not offend anyone.
Often people lie and then offend with offensive words - spoiled relationships, when they feel wrong, ashamed of some of their actions, but they do not know how to fix the situation. Even if they understand that their deception is obvious, they can not stop, because in such a strange way they try to regain the disposition and trust of others.
Everything was not in vain ...
Sometimes you do not know, remain silent or speak out. For example, before the party, a friend shows you a new dress. You see that it does not suit her at all. Should I tell her about this? But there is no other dress ... If she believes you, she will be upset, and all the evening she will feel ugly. Is that what you wanted? And why not help her pick up accessories that hide the flaws? "With this scarf, you will be irresistible!" So you really will help a friend.