Of course, a holiday romance is not for you. You do not descend so low. But you are lying on the beach, and an interesting man is looking at you. And you do not understand yourself: why does your heart begin to beat so violently? Then you recollect: "My God! Why do I need it? I have the same family! ". Go and go quickly. But the heart, stupid, keeps beating ... What's going on with you? How to relate to this? And what really is a resort novel - a crime or an adventure? Let's figure it out.
FOR WHO TO CHEVE?
All women are divided into two categories - those who are "for" the holiday romance, and those who are "against". And those who are "for", do not necessarily create it yourself! Many, if not most, would just like to experience an "adventure by the sea". But they do not dare. Or circumstances do not favor. Psychologists explain the attraction of a woman to holiday romances very simply: in each there lives an urgent need to be in the center of someone's attention. To adore. To look. To this end, she is dyed, dressed up. Find a man who has experienced such a strong need (well, except that men of a certain orientation). The world of the male psyche is completely different than the female one. A man can stand alone on the edge of a rock, look at the ocean, smoke, hiding a cigarette in the fist from the wind, and he will be fine. Why is he good? What is he thinking about? How can you conquer this world? A woman can also stand alone on the edge of the rock - but will she be well? One? Subconsciously, she expects that a man will see how beautiful she stands against the sky, will approach her, embrace. And then they together will conquer this world.
Here, in fact, the whole difference. A woman blooms, being in the zone of attention of a man. Secretly, she dreams of the hand put on her shoulder. Being alone, she seems to fade - she becomes uninteresting to herself, her mood spoils (although she will courageously assure herself that she does not need anyone and she is happy herself). Explain this as you like, by instinct, vanity, weakness. And best explained by nature.
Of course, having arrived to the sea, you can paint, shower, lay your hair just like that, for yourself. After all, much more than home, part of the time, you spend "in public." And if these very people do not appreciate your efforts, you become ill. For whom do you paint? You will be spoiled for the whole holiday. A woman, beautifully dressed, smartened up, always - subconsciously, without admitting herself - does this for a man. By and large, it does not matter for which. Or is it not? Let's listen to women, supporters of the opposite point of view. "I would like to ask what psychologists think about holiday romances ," Valeria K. writes. " My acquaintance finds herself a friend to the sea every year with whom she spends time (not necessarily in bed!). And then six months about it tells. I see she is proud to be able to "pick up" a man. And to me personally, this "hunt" seems humiliating. It is somewhat reminiscent of the behavior of prostitutes. If a man needs, let him run after me. I enjoy loneliness, I admire nature, I read books, I do not need anyone. Such as my friend, like me despise. They believe that we are "unable" to interest a man. "
A familiar sight. Valeria is right in this. There is a certain stereotype of rest, such a "picture", which includes the sea, seagulls, distant sail in the distance and walks with a romantic stranger on the evening beach (further think out yourself). "Pictures" are imposed on us by films, clips, advertising. And there are so many songs about it! However, where to find in our time a "romantic" man? Therefore, many are satisfied with "just a man". Any. And quite often in this field suffer bitter disappointments. This is evidenced by Sophia P .: "Generally in Russia there is a distorted picture of the dignity and behavior of a woman. A woman, next to which there is no man, is already losing its value. She's nobody! It does not matter that this man is a drunkard, a womanizer or just an animal. The main thing is to "go into hug." My sister is in the ninth grade. There, the focus is not on those who study well (such as they despise), but on those who hang around guys around their necks and who have sex. They are considered advanced. And if you are an excellent student, you do not have a boyfriend, then no one, you are worthy of pity! How can you live in such a society? This year I again go to the sea with one of my friends. We do not intend to have any holiday romances, men are sick of us! Why and who need these novels (do not mean physical pleasure)? The more a woman is less educated, the more empty, the more she needs a resort romance! Is not it?"
TO "SWEET DREAM" DOES NOT WAIT.
Stop, let's divide the two concepts - the woman's need for the man, which we spoke about at the beginning, and "fashion." It's one thing - if you have feelings of themselves, the other - if you go on vacation with an installation at all costs "pick up a man." Feelings come of their own, and settings generate fashion. Both Valeria and Sophia are right when they talk about "fashion for holiday romances". About this summer they write almost all magazines and newspapers. However - attention! - According to Western statistics, everything is different (in Russia, unfortunately, such statistics could not be found). Only a third of women admit that they had a holiday romance for the past five years. And only one in seven started such a novel every year. And the intimate affinity resort roman only ended in 12% of women! So, speak after that about the freedom of morals. Another thing is that fashion is fashion. Many women try to beautify their stay by the sea. Some women just invent stories about romantic encounters at the edge of the surf. Another part calls "a novel" a few evening conversations on a bench with a neighbor in a boarding house. But Sophia is mistaken when she says that the desire to attract the attention of a man testifies to the "emptiness" of a woman. In the past, girls also attracted attention, but in other ways. Simply they were prescribed a "passive" position. It was impossible to talk first with a man, to immediately agree to a meeting, even if harmless, and to remain alone with him was extremely reprehensible! From the point of view of a psychologist, the behavior of women on vacation trying to attract the attention of men is quite natural. Thus in a woman her nature speaks. Nature is meant for a woman to be a mother, give birth. And to give birth, we need a man. Therefore, you need to attract this man himself. How it is done depends on culture, on upbringing. Here there is an instinct that determines the behavior of women (even if they are not going to give birth, instinct still makes them flirt, smarten up, go for contact with a man). It's just that some of these instincts are pronounced, others are not very, and the third ones are simply depressed. Equally dangerous is how to give instinct to the will, and suppress it! And do not deceive yourself in any way.
Here's a rash story. Catherine D. went to Sochi alone. My husband worked, the children rested with my grandmother in the village. At the sea Catherine felt young and free, she wanted adventure. On the second day she met her neighbor on the table, and two days later was in his bed. Her feelings, she called "sweet sleep." That was her first betrayal of her husband for many years. The next summer, Catherine repeated her experience. Nobody could guess at anything. And she lost caution and a sense of danger. What happened in the summer at the resort seemed to her some kind of parallel reality, a movie where she played the main role. It was as if for fun, not in real life, did not overlap with the ordinary. On the third summer, the hero of another novel infected Catherine with a bad illness, which she passed on to her husband. There was a scandal, followed by a divorce.
DO NOT FORGIVE ARTIFICIAL OBJECTIVES.
However, let's not frighten our dear readers. Not everything is so simple and straightforward. It all depends on your situation and on your decision! After all, if you constantly forbid yourself to indiscriminately indiscriminately, then you do not have to get sick for long. There may appear physical ailments, and problems with the psyche, which is associated with a violation of hormonal exchange. This is especially evident in the case of "old maidens". Best of all, when leaving for the sea, do not set any goals. It's unreasonable to give yourself the idea of making a romance, but it's also unreasonable to tell yourself how Sophia: "No novels!" Trust yourself - the best advice that can be given. Each case is special. The resort novel is therefore called a spa, which does not last long. He serves entertainment, struggles against resort boredom. So most often disappointment awaits those women who are hoping to find a husband by the sea. Chances are not enough for them. Here is how Miraslav S describes his novel: "I went with this guy in a cafe, to a disco, once he invited me to ride in a boat. We escorted the sun on the bridge. They just walked along the sea, picked up seashells. We were well and not bored together. I did not even know if I wanted him to kiss me so that we were together. I was afraid that some kind of romantic haze would collapse. The guy was not timid. Or maybe he too was afraid to spoil everything with a minute's pleasure? I'm grateful to him. I spent the whole year remembering those days, our conversations on the bridge. And somehow I do not want to call him, look for him. I do not even know: maybe he's already married ... " .
The novel, which remains platonic, is very common. He enriches a person emotionally. And at the same time, he performs almost all the functions assigned to him: you spend time, communicate interestingly, you are not alone, but with a man, noble feelings are born in you. And most importantly - do not hurt to part because your relationship has not gone too far!
Why do you need a man at the sea?
Choose your answer and decide if you really want him. Maybe you need something else?
• that was not boring;
• to have something to remember;
• that someone should protect (it's scary to walk alone on the beach one night);
• to have someone to turn to for help, if needed (key in the lock jammed, open the bottle);
• To gain experience with a man, it is better to know yourself;
• To feel more free, interesting, so that it would be for someone to be painted and dressed up;
• to get physical pleasure;
• I'm just looking for a husband ...