But after all, manipulative behavior in family relationships and in business to a normal type of behavior can not be attributed. Therefore, today we will analyze not the question of how to learn how to manipulate people, but how to translate relations with manipulators into a more constructive channel.
Manipulative behavior is a behavior whose purpose is to get a person to do something that they do not intend or do not want, ideally against his will. Quite so experienced manipulators can turn things around so that the object of manipulation does not even feel that it is a pawn in someone else's game.
It is believed that women are more likely to manipulate behavior. They often use all their acting skills to encourage a man to do what he does not want. In fact, everything is not so simple. Men, too, can manipulate a woman. Only their manipulations are more rude and bring much more psychological and moral harm to people who surround the male manipulator.
Another misconception related to manipulative behavior in family relationships is that allegedly men rarely notice manipulation, and therefore wives are more likely to manipulate men than vice versa. This is one of the most harmful stereotypes about family life, which only can be. The fact is that psychologists have long discovered that men are even better than women who see all the manipulations. It's just that they can endure them longer, consciously adjusting to the manipulator's wife, and do not openly oppose attempts at manipulation. However, manipulation by the wife and other relatives almost inevitably causes the man attacks of aggression. He can behave quite restrained and not show his anger in any way. Only once will come the boiling point, after which he can slam the door and leave the family forever.
Worst of all, if the husband and wife both belong to the manipulators, and mutually complement each other on the social-role preferences. Then each member of the family feels unhappy, and breaking a vicious circle can be very difficult. One of the examples of such a relationship destructive for a person describes the so-called "Cartman triangle". It has three sides, three roles - the executioner, the victim and the savior. The trouble is that none of the roles can exist without the other two. Therefore, the attempt to get one side out of the destructive scenario of behavior causes fierce resistance from the other two sides, and then a real hell comes in family relations. And in performances full of drama, and even tragedy, include not only the husband and wife, but also children, parents of spouses, friends and relatives.
A typical example of the "Cartman triangle" in the relationship is the family in which the husband treats his wife. She is a "victim" who can not defend herself, rebuff a verbal or emotional aggression. He - the "executioner", who can not stop in his cavils. In the role of "savior" can act mother-in-law, a grown child or girlfriend. This system of behavior, thoroughly impregnated with manipulation from all sides, it is not easy to destroy on the one hand. Because all these three key participants in the problem scenario in communication can change roles. It is worth the "victim" to declare his rights to the "executioner", as he abruptly turns into the role of "savior" or "victim." A "savior" can become a "victim" only because the "executioner" is outraged by the actions of this, trying to eliminate him from solving family problems.
Words, it is not easy to describe this destructive scenario. However, if you see some elements of this triangle in your unsuccessful marriage, go to the training without delay. Various trainings on family psychology, family conflicts, suggest working out problems in the group. In exercises, people break into three and work out the stated problems of each other. When you see all the comic and unconstructive manipulation in such a social-role triangle on your experience, it will be easier for you to understand what to do with your own problem.
A separate conversation deserves the manipulation of strangers to the family of people who have a destructive effect on its microclimate. Especially hard is the couple, in which one or both spouses have a parent prone to manipulation. In Russia, alas, parents interfere in the life of the family almost before the birth of great-grandchildren. The presence of an old manipulator can seriously complicate the life of spouses. Everyone knows anecdotes about mother-in-law or mother's sons. The Soviets are often not limited to power mothers, and if a daughter or son dares to act not according to her will, they can include a variety of ways of manipulating them.
For example, the mother of an adult son can constantly pretend to be sick to make him come to her as often as possible. And often he makes a condition - that he spent with her, and not with his wife and children, holidays, participated in all her life events, sacrificing a few free time not in favor of the family, but in favor of the elderly parent. In such families, manipulations by mother-in-law or mother-in-law can also be accompanied by emotional vampirism-she only feels happy when she manages to prove to the offspring that his wife or husband is not worthy of her precious child. And any conflicts between the spouses of such a manipulator are only encouraging and enthralling.
You can describe for a long time examples of the negative impact of manipulation on family relationships. But it is better to understand the way that it counteracts. This skill without fear and reproach to express their emotions, to pronounce the unspoken, so that there are no ambiguous interpretations. A good way to resist manipulation is the ability to show all its components, to bring to light all the hidden motives and goals of the manipulator. This way implies an intensification of the conflict for the first time. You have to go through this, because only this will lead to an improvement in the situation. And stay away from courses that teach people to manipulate others, because this is not at all the path to happiness.