Unbalanced communication is sincere for words, mainly it is the way of behavior that reveals our inner uncertainty. After all, words can be fooled, since the broadcast is in the realm of our consciousness. But the body language refers to the sign systems of the subconscious. They do not give in to full control of consciousness and thereby expose our interlocutor our true feelings and intentions. This is why you should not underestimate the importance of non-verbal communication.
To learn the basics of the body language, we need to look more closely at both our gestures and the gestures of others, and also learn how to control and explain them. The basic knowledge of the mysterious non-verbal language, which is usually expressed by feelings, will help us in this.
Openness . Its manifestations are shown by such gestures of openness as, hands, palms upwards, directed towards the interlocutor, it is always associated with truth, sincerity and transparency of intentions; shrugging shoulders; or taking off your jacket during a conversation. Watch the children, they openly show their hands when they are proud of their achievements, and hide their hands behind their backs or in their pockets when they were guilty.
Evaluation. Can manifest itself in polar gestures: from the plan and dreaminess (when the person propps his head with his hand) to the hope of gain for themselves (vigorous rubbing of the palms). This is also the gesture of a meticulous assessment - the chin rests on the palm, and the index finger is stretched along the cheek, which means: "Let's see what you are capable of." A bowed head means attention to the topic of conversation and the interlocutor in particular. A pause for making a final decision on a particular issue is scratching the chin and manipulating the glasses (rub, rotate, gnaw the handle of the frame).
Confusion - characterized by a short intermittent breathing, muttering to himself. Crossed on the chest, tense hands signal an attempt at self-defense. They form a kind of barrier that should protect a person from potential or imaginary danger - this is a sign that a person feels insecure. An original attempt at protection is stroking the neck with a hand or adjusting the hairstyle (in women).
Self-control manifests itself in impulsive gestures with a considerable physical force, which express the desire to master the excess of feelings and uncontrollable emotions. It manifests itself in the clenched fists behind the back, a convulsive shrug with one hand of the fist or forearm of the other, the compression of the armrests or the edges of the table. This is something similar to the state in anticipation of the results of important examinations or waiting at the door of the dentist.
Nervousness is characteristic of the behavior of a person who does not hide his irritation with the topic of the conversation, his deployment, or his interlocutor. From such a person you can hear coughing, like clearing your throat, and also notice attempts to interrupt the conversation, which is manifested in the game by the lobe of your ear (tingling, scrolling) - a kind of attempt to subconsciously block the input of unnecessary information to your ear. Also, the internal nervous tension (uncertainty, fear) can be expressed by the external movements of the fingers: the baby sucks a finger, the teen gnaws at the nails, the adult person plays with a pen or pencil.
Boredom is expressed when a person starts yawning, also propping his head with his hands, tapping with his foot or pen, mechanically drawing on paper, with a distant empty glance at nowhere.
Superiority (an advantage over the interlocutor) can be felt already with a greeting handshake - self-confident man firmly shakes your hand, while turning it in such a way that his hand is on top. Also, the superiority is manifested in the casual seat "waddle", hands in the pocket when talking, causing a look. But a weak person gives a hand for greeting with a palm up, and sometimes to compensate for a sense of weakness, such a person can take an indicative pose "hands in the sides", which will give him a kind of resistance. Or to lean both hands on the table.
On the emotional state of a person can also tell his posture while sitting, as well as posture while walking. Crossing the legs, hiding them under the armchair is a sign of insecurity, as does sitting on the edge of the chair, holding the bag on your lap (a kind of barrier between yourself and the other person.) Fear and inner tension manifest excessive compression with the arms of the armchair or handbag.Right posture, straightened shoulders, Unperturbed facial expression means excessive self-control. Instead of sitting "waddling" in the chair, elongated or laid on each other's legs indicate disrespect to the interlocutor or just bad upbringing.
Optimum is a relaxed posture when sitting: take a comfortable pose, lean your shoulders on the back, legs slightly tilt sideways or hold together, put your hands on the elbows of the chair or on your knees, you can connect the lobes of your fingers.
By walking, you can identify a confident person (straightened body, raised head, slightly raised chin); a loud walk (knocking his heels) gives out a person who does not count with others; jumps and dance steps express carelessness and gaiety. The hunched posture, the head hidden in the shoulders, the shuffling of the feet, on the contrary, convey the boredom and oppression of man.
A person has only a few minutes to produce the first positive impression, which is usually of decisive importance for forming an opinion about an unfamiliar interlocutor.
The main "golden rules" of a good conversation:
- Dress in accordance with the place where the meeting will be held: the theater does not wear jeans, but for business meetings dresses with an open back.
- Meet the interlocutor with a good mood and a pleasant smile.
- At business handshake - do not compress the hand of the interlocutor languidly, also do not shake it. The pressing should be firm and fixed in moderation.
- Accept open posture: do not cross arms or legs, do not cover your face.
- Keep eye contact with your partner, but do not overdo it. During business negotiations, people look at their interlocutors 30-60% of the entire conversation. Long-sighted contact may give the impression that you are not interested in the topic of the conversation, but in the interlocutor itself.
"Do not raise your voice, even when you're nervous." Also do not mutter to yourself under your nose. Speak slowly, clearly pronouncing words.
- Hold gestures, excessive gesticulation testifies to nervousness.
- Do not give out inseparable sounds - do not stretch your nose, do not cough up, do not explode with a laugh.
- Observe the spatial principles of intimacy. Everyone has his own inner border of intimacy. Therefore, if you are not very familiar with the interlocutor, do not pat him on the back, do not grab your hands and do not sit too close.
The way to speak is also important:
- If you see a person for the first time - introduce yourself. Speak expressively, so that the interlocutor can remember.
- According to the situation, also choose the way of speech (timbre of voice, volume, intonation), even vocabulary - after all we use different turns at home or during business negotiations.
- Avoid unprintable words, parasitic words and exclamations of "eee," "well," and others.
- Do not focus only on yourself, if you want to be respected - learn to listen to the interlocutor.
- Talk to unfamiliar people on neutral topics (hobbies, pets, weather), so as not to oppress the oppressive silence. It is not necessary at the first acquaintance to respond emotionally about his boss, a colleague at work, a friend or relatives.
When you have an important conversation on which the future will depend, try to remember the simple science of body language and to influence the interlocutor not only with convincing facts and evidence, but also apply nonverbal means. Gestures, facial expressions, posture - this is your invisible weapon for achieving the desired result.