Oedipus complex and complex Electra

There is no sense in explaining or challenging the Oedipus complex or the corresponding Electra complex in women. He is born in the very childhood, when the boy wants his mother to belong to him alone, why he perceives his father as a rival. The daughter loves her father and wants him to belong only to her, which causes her jealousy for her mother. This complex remains in man and in the adult state, which has a huge impact on the creation of the family.

Very often people want to get married, thus finding a substitute for their mother or father. A child's "I" in a person looks for the mother's "I" in a woman or the father's "I" in a man. Such a man wants his woman to take on a role similar to that of his mother: he would adopt him, take care of him and emotionally breast-feed. Conversely, a woman susceptible to this complex, consciously seeks protection in a man, which her father gave her. It would seem that there is nothing wrong with the Oedipus complex, but it hampers the normal relations in marriage.

The Oedipus complex (or the Electra complex) creates three main problems that prevent a man and a woman from having a harmonious relationship:

1. The desire to preserve the state of things that was in childhood. Speaking of falling in love with a parent of the opposite sex, we understand dependence on this parent, and not a pure feeling of love. It occurs at a time when the child is completely dependent on his parent. Therefore, the expression "falling in love with the parent of the opposite sex" means the need for this parent, because earlier he satisfied all the needs of the child. Speech in this case is about a purely egoistic attitude.

People who did not become independent of parental love, that is, did not get rid of the Oedipus complex (or Electra complex), becoming adults, still need to extend the same relationship with the parent as they were in childhood. When such a man meets a woman with whom he intends to maintain a love relationship, he has the opportunity to extract the image of the mother and project it onto the woman, thus obtaining a mother-lover in the flesh. As a result, he will confuse his mother and wife, why he will start treating his beloved woman the same way he treated his mother in childhood. A man will see in her the source of satisfaction of his needs and an ideal servant. He will just use it and will never be able to truly love. It is also equally suitable for a woman with a complex Electra.

The problem becomes more serious if a person was spoiled by a parent, which increased his narcissism and gave confidence in his exclusivity. Narcissism turns into a fantasy of its own omnipotence. Such a spouse, just as he did when he was a child, will require the partner to satisfy his needs quickly and completely. If the partner does not do this, then narcissus rolls up the scandal, insults and threatens to quit. It is unlikely that a person exposed to such problems, who presents unreasonable demands to his partner, will achieve happiness in marriage.

2. Feeling of guilt. Oedipus complex always causes a sense of guilt, because at a subconscious level a person realizes that he has incestuous relations with the parent. It is likely that a person will project his own guilt on a partner and will consider that he is not worthy of his love, and this is an absolutely subjective opinion. In most cases, such relations of spouses are characterized by periods of euphoria and depression and, perhaps subconsciously, they seek pain and suffering as a means of redemption of guilt.

3. Inequality in the relationship. If one of the spouses is affected by the Oedipus complex, this leads to inequality in the relationship, because one of the partners plays the role of a child, and the other is a parent. But a good relationship in a pair is possible only if the roles of father and mother are balanced. That is, a man can perceive his girlfriend as a mother, if he can behave like a father. For its part, a woman can treat a man as a father, if she can behave like a mother. In this case, their relationship is not selfish love.

Only the proportions of male and female energy in the amount of 50 to 50 lead to success in love. To achieve such harmony, a man and a woman must first of all overcome their own selfishness in order to avoid the absorption of a partner, which inevitably leads to collapse and disappointment.