Despite the fact that each child reacts in his own way to divorce to the extent of his individuality, we can still derive some of the main problems.
Children can think that their parents no longer love them, which they are the fault of all this. They inspire themselves that they have done something wrong, are looking for their mistakes, the moment when they could make a mistake. Before the divorce, such children can try to reconcile their parents, they take care of them, they try to help. Especially sincere are shown affection, love, they want to please their parents and appease them. But more secretive children will keep emotions inside, which is much worse for their health. After the divorce, children experience great pain and grief, defencelessness, lack of attention, despair and disbelief.
What will be the advice of a psychologist: the parents divorced and the teenager has withdrawn? Try to correct all the negative consequences of the divorce for the child, reduce the level of his stress, make sure that the child's life does not change radically, and also give him the opportunity to communicate with both parents.
Closure in itself is, in its own way, a protective mechanism that the child shows to "hide" from the problems that have overtaken him. The child hides from the real world, because it becomes unbearable for him, not as he was before the parents' divorce. After all, then they were together, loved him, together overcame all difficulties and provided him with everything he wanted. The family was holistic, the people most dear to him since birth were together, next to him and loved each other. And now, after the divorce, the family collapsed and the child lacks a very important one - one of the parents, the world becomes split, and the idea that the parents can be intolerable to each other, frightens, causes anger to the guilty in divorce, if any, as to the cause of all this "ruin".
When a child closes in himself, he hides from the cruel reality around him, creates a better world within himself, does not trust anyone from the "other" world, becomes uncommunicative, almost does not show his emotions. He lives with memories, distant pink illusions. All this arises from psychological trauma and stress. Its importance depends on the relationship of parents to each other after the divorce, its causes and how they treat the child.
In order to help your child to live his life again, and also to reduce stress after a divorce, you need to help him understand the situation. Explain to the child that his parents still love him very much, and also remain in good relations with each other. That the parent who leaves will be able to see the child, visit him, and most importantly - spend time with him, and, as before, love him as much and take care of him.
The main task will be to show the child that the problems in his life will be as little as possible. If you do not want to hurt a child - do not make him scandals and quarrels with your husband, do not let yourself speak in a coarse and elevated tone, even if you suddenly want it. Show that you are calmly treated as a divorce, and to your husband, and that nothing terrible in this fact, in fact, no.
Try to arrange so that the parent, who now does not live with the child, saw him as often as possible. The psychologist advises to choose sometimes such places for a walk, where you have visited before, in order to reduce the gap with the past, to reduce the difference in spending time with a child after a divorce.
Also, explain to the child that the parents' divorce is not his fault, as neither of the parents. In the event that the fault concerns one of the parents, the child can transfer his anger to him, begin to hate him and become closed only with respect to him. Depending on the gender of the culprit, the child can transfer his anger to all other representatives of the sex, in the long term, have problems communicating with them.
When parents are divorced, children can become withdrawn in themselves because of the loss of faith in love, relationships, family, marriage, loyalty and loyalty. They have a feeling that this is how all marriages end, and that this is also the fate that awaits them in the future. Faith fades, and prejudices appear. Parental divorce can also be indicated in the subconscious, so, it's unfortunate, but most of the marriages of children whose parents divorced just disintegrate.
If your child is still locked in itself after the dissolution of the parents' marriage, the psychologist advises to help, creating opportunities for friendship and communication. Encourage the child in the right way, arrange parties for him, teach him the right communication, the ability to make friends. If the child still wants to be alone - do not force him to communicate, give him what he wants. If he does not develop relationships with peers, talk to him about his problems, give good advice, cheer him up.
And most important: after the divorce, give the child much attention and love. Communicate with him, talk on various topics, give caresses, find time for him, because because of lack of attention children can become more withdrawn in themselves, and also develop a bad self-esteem, or there will be a risk that it will appear at him in a more mature age.
Destroy his fears that have arisen because of the divorce, ask what he would like, create meetings with relatives and children, comfort and space for communication - this will help him get rid of isolation. This is the main advice of a psychologist on the issue of "parents divorced - and the teenager has become self-absorbed." The main thing, do not rush and do not put pressure on the child, give him a choice and love, because this is the main thing he needs.