According to psychologists, most of the problems that arise between the mother and son-in-law are associated with long-recognized stereotypes. But if you do not wind yourself before the time and do not harbor a hostile attitude - everything can turn out quite peacefully. To do this, there are tips of the psychologist's mother-in-law. The best, even the classic prevention of conflict, is that the young family and mother-in-law live in different apartments, houses, districts, or even better cities. And if the conflict has already matured in the process of living together, you need to disperse urgently. Loving close relatives at a distance is much easier.
Psychoanalysis of the situation
Why do two sometimes quite nice people treat each other with open hostility? It's all about the circumstances. The fate that united the girl and the young man provides for the subsequent marriage, as a result, the young man has a wife and, accordingly, a mother-in-law. The girl, getting married and soon having a baby, does not think that changing her life, she changes the life of her mother without asking her permission. So, a woman who is sometimes only forty years old and still wants to feel like her beloved wife and live her full personal life, becomes a mother-in-law and a grandmother. But the purpose of her life is not only how to get bogged down in the everyday life of her grandchildren while her daughter and son-in-law arrange their personal lives. Her daughter, who was so long cherished and cherished, loved her wholeheartedly, invested in her education and education all the forces, suddenly became someone's wife.
Getting used to a new person
In most cases, the mother in law is difficult to get used to the new man, the man in his house. After all, he is still an outsider for her. Not surprisingly, according to the survey, the mother-in-law attacks the son-in-law five to six times more often than he does to her. A big role in this competition of two different weight categories is played by a busy position on one side of the daughter-wife, which in this situation is the most difficult. If she takes her husband's side, she will incur the anger and displeasure of her mother, if she supports the mother, a quarrel with her husband is likely. Therefore, it is better for her to take a warm neutrality, which will help to establish or restore the balance in the family.
Unification Center - daughter
The family is a rather complex mechanism and it is only for one of its members to start behaving in a completely different way, not as before, the behavior of other household members also changes immediately. However, many families are known where the mother-in-law and son-in-law live peacefully and at times even amicably.
It should be noted that these two people are creatures from different planets: they are of different sexes, usually a significant difference in age, in habits, in tastes, occupation, judgments, different life experiences, different views on life and attitudes towards life values. As a rule, the only person unites these two completely different people is a wife for one and a daughter for another. And most likely the struggle between them is for greater influence on it.
In some cases, the cause of the occurrence or non-occurrence of a conflict is explained by the so-called established family scenario. If the father of the son-in-law had a complicated relationship with his mother-in-law, it would be more habitual for such a son to have such an attitude and prejudiced attitude toward the mother-in-law already provided. All help to the mother in law and her advice will immediately be dismissed or perceived as a direct reproach. If, on the contrary, his father-in-law has enough peaceful relations with his mother-in-law, then the son will not treat his mother-in-law as an enemy.
A relatively neutral option is when my father-in-law had no mother-in-law. In this case, personal stereotypes are formed on the opinion and experience of married friends. But the setup, which has developed on the experience of others, is easily amenable to correction. Finding a wise mother-in-law, who sees her daughter's new family as a new independent family, and her husband, her son-in-law as a full-fledged head of this family, while not attempting to invade their personal life, the young man gets a second mother or at least a friend in the mother-in-law. And his stereotypes will appear quite different.
Tips for the mother-in
Psychologists advise mother-in-law not to immediately take to bayonets the chosen one of their daughter. First you need to carefully look at it and try to find in it something positive. It is worth to understand, for what exactly did he fall in love with his daughter? It should be condescending to treat that which does not like it. With the help of his daughter, you can try to help him get rid of what is especially irritating in him. If from the very beginning the initiator of hostile relations was the son-in-law, then you can try to agree with him. Of course, if he is not an alcoholic, not a drug addict, he is mentally sound and is not connected with the criminal world. A normal man seldom without cause shows aggression only if he has not already received negative emotions elsewhere and does not experience fatigue. In such cases, do not react to his bouts of irritation. Psychologist's advice: if it repeats regularly, try to calmly find out the reason, listen to his claims and bring his arguments in the correct form. In some cases, this is not enough, and the relationship becomes quite unbearable. Then you need to understand what will be better: to compromise or continue to continue the confrontation. We should evaluate all the pros and cons and take the most correct decision. These recommendations of the psychologist are more suitable for people who are well-bred and quite reasonable.