Misunderstandings arise even in the most amicable families. better relations. And although they often seem too trivial to discuss them, in the absence of decisions they accumulate and can lead to serious scandals and quarrels. Sometimes the word negligently thrown by partners to each other carries a hidden resentment for a long time. On how to resolve conflicts between husband and wife painlessly and without a trace, and will be discussed below.
Experts assure that everything, even the smallest conflicts can be explained. And it is necessary to do this immediately after the incident - to talk about what hurts or upsets you. Otherwise, negative emotions begin to accumulate, which makes it more difficult to reach an agreement in the future. Professional psychologists tell how to learn to talk about what hurts us, and quickly resolve conflicts.
Always say what you feel
It's good when you can control yourself and not explode with anger at the slightest problem. But this should not be turned into self-righteousness, when you keep the pain and resentment in yourself for a long time. Believe me, you are allowed to be angry with your partner for what he did or said. You are an ordinary living person. Damping the causes of negative emotions, keeping them in yourself silently leads to the fact that in the end you can explode. The problem is that it can happen at any time and can become a real surprise for your partner. He has already forgotten about the past conflict, but you still have the bitterness of unresolved problems, resentment and secret malice. Your partner will not be able to understand the cause of your emotional explosion, because your reaction will not correspond to the circumstances. And then there are probably two ways of developing the situation:
1. Your partner is frightened, does not understand the reason for your splash, but he loves you and tries to understand the situation. He listens to your accusations, reassures you, draws conclusions, but forever afterwards carries within himself a latent distrust and anxiety towards you.
2. Your partner explodes in response, accusing you of being a hysterical and leaving. Sometimes forever.
So what can you do? Do not pretend that nothing happened if the partner said or did something offensive to you. Although this was not a conflict, it is not worthwhile to dwell on this and lose sight of it. Explain to your partner your feelings: "I'm afraid of your behavior," "I do not understand why you're telling me this," "Your words hurt me," etc. Perhaps the partner does not even understand what can offend you. And you, without knowing it yourself, do not tell him directly about it, do not give him the chance to apologize and explain his behavior. You will only suffer in silence, thinking: "He does not love me anymore, does not respect, does not listen," etc.
Avoid quiet days. They are the pitfalls in the relationship between husband and wife. The worst thing you can do is to ask your partner's sincere question: "What happened?" To answer: "Nothing." Thus, you have no chance of finding a compromise. You move away from each other faster than you can expect. Remember: often what causes your irritation and can provoke further conflict situations does not come to your partner's mind at all. He does not even know what you mean.
Give arguments. It is clear reasoning always leads to a successful solution. For the sake of peace, do you prefer not to blame anything of your husband, simply "not touching" him, even if you think that it is wrong? Do not do this. Any confusion must be stopped by finding a compromise. Otherwise, you will always return to the problem and experience it again and again. Sorry for your time and energy. So, if the controversial issue has not yet been clarified, do not postpone the solution of the problem "in the long box". Try to find a solution so that both sides are satisfied.
Do not provoke minor conflicts
Do you want to know if your relationship with a beloved man will be successful, will it stand the test of time? Do not look for the answer in the crystal ball - just look at your relationship honestly. Many potential dangers can be identified in the first weeks of life together!
Quarrels and conflicts between husband and wife are often used to establish new rules. It is very bad if they are one of the ways to "discharge" and reduce negative feelings, emotions or inner dissatisfaction. So if you see that you often provoke minor conflicts only to get rid of internal tension - try to change the situation before it's too late.
What can you do? Explain your behavior to your partner. Say that you understand that sometimes it can be unpleasant, that it happens for no apparent reason, and that it is also painful and unpleasant for you. Apologize and promise that the situation will change. When you feel that you are angry and you know that you are just ready to explode, it is better to retreat. Tell your loved one about your feelings and explain that you are trying to cope with yourself. Go for a walk, take a shower or do something that relaxes you.
Find another argument to relieve tension. If some moments in the behavior of your partner are annoying - tell him about it. Are you annoyed by an open tube of toothpaste or scattered around the room socks? Change of such forms of behavior will not be too much for him, and, of course, will reduce unnecessary disputes. When these irritants disappear, you will less likely to provoke conflicts in the family. If necessary, ask your partner to pay special attention to his habits. But, in the end, this should depend on the degree of your cohesion and the desire to please each other.
Always give arguments
Bringing arguments for any reason is not bad - it helps in resolving conflicts between husband and wife. It also cleans the atmosphere in the house, because you always explain mutual insults and misunderstandings. But for this, it is necessary to follow several rules.
1. Do not insult your partner. This will not help resolve the conflict, but will only violate his painful self-esteem.
2. Do not shout. Speak your arguments in a low voice - so you force the partner to listen to you. And let your partner get a word. Describe your feelings, and do not judge without explanation. Do not say this: "You're so lazy!", But say, for example, "I need your strength. I can not manage without you. Do it please…"
3. Do not generalize. In an attempt to resolve conflicts, husband and wife need to learn to concentrate on the essence of the matter. For example, you are irritated by frequent delays of the husband at work late. But you, forgetting about the essence, start to say to your husband: "Your work is most important! You do not do anything at home! You have everything in your family. And your brother, and the rest ... "Do not" transfer the arrows. " When discussing a specific problem, talk only about it. Otherwise, you only aggravate the dispute.