There are 2 extremes. He became more attentive, patient, he bathes the child, crouchs, walks with him. You do not recognize your spouse, because you would never have thought that he could be so gentle and caring, and sometimes you even think that he is better than you cope with the baby. Well, in this case, you can only rejoice for this family and enthusiastically say that you have an ideal father! But in most cases, everything is the other way around ... Until recently, you were happy together with the first movements of the baby in the tummy, the husband was walking around with you on ultrasound and held your hand, watching the image on the monitor, he even agreed to go to the store to choose dowry for the baby and with great pleasure gathered a crib for the future heir (heiress). And now came the exciting moment - the long-awaited meeting of parents with the baby! And your wife seems to have been replaced ... he became irritable, secretive, often lingers at work or can not come at all at night, and it's not worth talking about help from his side! What to do in this situation? How to help restore the old warm relations? After all, the baby needs both parents!
First you need to understand why this happened? How did your relationship develop before the baby was born?
All your attention was paid to her husband, all the household chores were associated with him: "What would a delicious cook for dinner, that my husband liked?", "And will he like it if I paint my hair black?", "No, we'll go to Another restaurant, because he likes the kitchen there! ".
And now what? All the way to the contrary - all attention is focused on the new member of the family, and for a loved one there are only a few minutes to spill a couple of phrases at dinner.
In order not to become a victim of a family crisis, psychologists recommend that, before the birth of the child, be prepared for the following points:
- to take responsibility for the newborn, to make the decisions related to his health and normal development;
- learn how to organize your time, become more independent, rely only on yourself;
- to accept the fact that now you are giving yourself very little time to satisfy your needs;
- treat calmly to inflated demands from the relatives of the husband, because you are now not only the wife, but the mother of their grandson (granddaughter);
- to experience a deterioration in relations with her husband;
- promote normal relations between family members.
Quite a lot ... But the most important thing is to make a decision about preserving the family.
Earlier in the villages in families with a large number of children, the younger children were engaged in older children. Now the demographic situation has changed dramatically. Even in well-to-do families, rarely two or three children are born, so young mothers are less psychologically prepared for raising children, and some have only heard about it from relatives or girlfriends.
With the birth of the first child, the relationship between the spouses comes to a new level. And if the role of the mother is unavoidable for you and you can not avoid it, then the role of the father for the man is a "voluntary" affair, it is easier for him to escape from family troubles - to his parents, to work, to friends. So how to behave in this situation, so as not to aggravate relations?
It is important to understand the main thing: the husband has changed and behaves so because he is jealous! And here it is important not to aggravate the situation with constant reproaches in rudeness and inattention, but try to smooth the situation and move away from conflicts. Psychologists give some tips on how to do this:
- To tirelessly tell the spouse that he is now fulfilling the duties not only of the husband, but also of the father. And do not demand from him the manifestation of paternal feelings immediately. Perhaps it will take months, or even years. According to the research, the father's instinct is manifested only by the third year of your child's life;
- do not try to put all the problems on your shoulders, and peacefully transfer at least a small fraction of the trouble to your dad: go to the pharmacy for diapers, buy baby food, go to a children's polyclinic, hold your head while bathing. Over time, the young father will be involved in the process. And the sooner this happens, the faster to wake up his paternal feelings;
- give her husband more attention, talk about what worries and worries. He experiences no less stress, because his life has changed too. Tell your husband that you still love him, that he needs you now more than ever;
- Do not exaggerate or dramatize events. If your husband came home from work half an hour later, this does not mean that he is cheating on you;
- Do not interfere in the relationship of parents. Your problems are just your problems. A huge number of marriages fall apart precisely because relatives interfere in the relationship. Of course, they wish you only good, but the result is a broken family, depression, stress in the child;
- remember that you and your husband have different psychology! And what seems so important to you, it does not matter to him - what kind of tooth the kid has with the first, when it is necessary to walk with the baby, that he was comfortable ... this information is changing so quickly. So why memorize them?
And most importantly - in either situation, both are to blame. And you need to resolve the conflict situation with yourself, with an analysis of your behavior. Your child was born to grow in harmony and love, and this can only be given by happy parents who are not burdened with the clarification of family conflicts. FM Dostoyevsky has the exact phrase: "There is nothing more important in life, nothing is more necessary and useful than a bright and warm memory, so clear and kind. It is laid in the family and helps in difficult moments. " It is in the first years of life that the atmosphere in the family has a very significant influence on the formation of the personality. So only a friendly family is able to raise a psychologically healthy child, even though the husband has changed after the birth of the child.