Each woman has her own image of an ideal mother. Someone has it - to the point of frenzy, a loving mother who is ready to do everything for him at his first request. Others have a female teacher who knows how to keep even the most mischievous child in "even mittens". But whatever this imaginary ideal was not, we do not always correspond to it. And when once again we depart from our internal pattern - we lament: "I'm a bad mother!". And who is good? About what it means to be a good mother and what you need to do for this and will be discussed below.
We are all imperfect - this must be recognized. But is it really that bad? Why to many supermas is a kind of deity possessing super powers and super abilities. But all mothers are ordinary women. Why do some children grow up smart, caring and independent, while others - spineless, downtrodden and cruel? In fact, the natural role of the child itself plays a key role. The nature of 80% is given to us by birth, and only 20% of it we are able to adjust by education, a special approach and our own efforts. And even then, it can not always be done. Sometimes nature, as they say, takes its toll. There are thousands of such cases. The mother is exhausted, gives herself to the child, forgetting about herself, and he grows up and becomes a criminal, a drug addict or just sleeping in the fence. So is it worth being such an ideal mother? Here are some tips that will help you perceive yourself correctly, understand yourself better and enjoy your motherhood selflessly and easily.
1. You are a living person and sometimes make mistakes.
You never shouted at the child. You are in a panic, do not know what to do and are afraid that the child will not forgive you for this. You are ready to reproach yourself in this endlessly - it seems that you are the worst mother in the world. But you have to accept one thing - you are just human. With its problems, internal splashes and breakdowns. And your child, believe me, understands this. He needs a living mother, and not a soulless eternally smiling robot. Do not be a robot! Yes, breaking down on a child is bad. But if you sincerely repent of this - just let him understand this. Do not rash the head with ashes, do not apologize to the insanity - just explain to the child that it's hard for you and in the future you will try not to do so. The child (even the smallest) will appreciate your sincerity first of all. What happened can not be undone. Errors are committed by all. The main thing is to draw conclusions from them and not do the same thing next time. And - if possible - and fix what we can. If you gave a child a slap on your nerves, there is no point in tearing your hair. You better think about how to never again allow yourself to solve problems with the help of force.
2. You want to run to the end of the world - this is normal!
Your child is very restless, or naughty, or is constantly ill. You struggle to sort out the situation. As a result, everything becomes worse. It seems to you that the child is angry with you, does not listen or falls ill. You think that you will never become a good mother, although you do not know exactly what a good mother means. You would have fled to the end of the world, if there was such an opportunity. Understand - this is a normal reaction of a normal person. You are not a robot. You have the right to feelings, to heartache, resentment and guilt. It's not true that you can not take offense at a child - you can if you are a living person. And get tired of children, too, if you are really hard with them. You need to be able to accept yourself as you are. You will immediately feel better, you will discharge tension in yourself and will be able to live on without irritation and pain. Even the best mothers sometimes feel helpless, tired and broken. The main thing is that this condition does not last, and the child does not become a real hindrance and a burden for you. This should not be allowed to any mother.
3. You do not know how to work miracles.
For example, if you work from morning till late at night - you just physically can not give the child time as much as a housewife. Accept it and humble yourself. You are not able to spend half a day with the child on the playground, and the other half, reading to him books and telling tales. Working mother is always hard, it is unlikely you can somehow help. The same applies to many other things, such as carrying a crying child in his arms continuously. You are not omnipotent, you are an ordinary woman - and this is your huge plus. Sometimes you just can not do something, although you really want it. It remains only to reconcile and better to direct efforts to what is possible to do.
4. You have the right to be angry .
Do you sometimes feel like a hot pan? The child does not listen to you, does muck, does not help around the house and constantly needs attention? It can upset anyone, even a stone. So - let's be honest - to smile, pretending that everything is fine in this situation is just silly. You have the right to anger, but try not to let it out of your control. Angry at the child and to show open aggression towards him - different things. Do not keep malice in yourself, if it overflows you. Give the child to understand that it hurts you. Unpleasant and out of you. Explain to the child what he is doing wrong and what he should do so that you do not get angry with him. Do not pretend to be a fairy fairy, if the flame inside of you inflames. If you keep a negative for a long time, it can cause serious depression. Then you will truly fall for the child. And it will be a real shock for him. Mom was always pleased - and suddenly ... Do not ever allow this.
5. If you want to take time only for yourself - please!
Maternity is not a sentence. This does not mean that you must renounce yourself and dissolve in the child. This is the biggest mistake a mother can make. Children still grow up and go into an independent life, and a woman suddenly realizes that she does not have her own life ... Do not let it happen! Do you want to chat with your friends? Communicate! Do you want to learn a foreign language? Great! Take time for yourself, improve, learn, and get distracted. You will be much more interesting to your child. If you have your hobby, your interests, your talents and abilities. The child will be proud of his mother, who knows how to do something interesting, which is fond of something unusual. Do not forget about yourself - otherwise all around will forget about you, too.
6. Do not entertain the child without stopping.
Do you fuss with your child all day, forgetting about your needs? Do you play at his level without trying to pull him up to his? You gradually become just a child's favorite toy, not your mother. Games with the baby, of course, are useful for its development, but no less useful for him and independent activity. General fun is an important moment for his socialization, but the constant presence next to the mother makes the child a helpless creature, unable to think independently. Instead of entertaining the child all day - let him rest and relax. A kid can play at this time with someone else (grandmother, father, nanny) or even with himself. When you relax, do household chores and "recharge" your batteries, you will play with it with great enthusiasm and bestowal. Do not spoil the child, paying attention to it constantly. Spinning all the time around him does not mean being good - the mother always needs to know the measure in her caresses and her attention to the child.