One of the main ideas of perinatal psychology (which deals with the study of the effect of pregnancy on a child's life) is that the moral and physical health of the unborn child depends on how the baby was conceived (in love and harmony or after constant disputes). "Scheduled" and the coveted children are less sick, they make great strides in life and more often they build strong families ... What if the husband does not want a child and how to live further?
The third is not superfluous
Men usually later mature for parenting than their wives. Your task is to understand what exactly confuses the husband. Phrases such as "Let's live for ourselves", "First you need to make money, travel" - no more than excuses. Do you need to understand what your man really is afraid of? Liability? Or maybe it's all about the infantilism and unwillingness to grow up? Although most often the reason is just a fear of change, so you have to convince your husband that everything is not so terrible as it may seem (with the birth of the child your relationship will move to a new stage - you will become closer, besides, no one canceled entertainment and travel , and the child is not a hindrance for this).
Reasons for her husband
Accusations "You are an egoist," "You do not love me," "And who will give us a glass of water in his old age?" Will not work and will only anger the man. When discussing the topic of offspring with your husband, try to make two very important accents. Firstly, be sure to emphasize that you do not want an abstract child, namely your common baby, say that before (before meeting with the spouse) you did not have such an acute desire to become a mother. This should flatter him. And secondly, remind that time works against you. If a woman under 28 years old has only two or three anovulatory cycles (they can not become pregnant), then by the age of 32-33 they are about four or five years old. The quality of sperm in men does not improve over the years. Such statistics should make your husband think. As for the financial issue, then, of course, if you do not have any savings, the housing issue is not resolved, you both do not work, and you do not have material support (for example, from parents), it is likely that the birth of children will have to be postponed slightly. Phrase-clues: "Let's try not to protect ourselves: it's not a fact that we will get it from the first time", "I want a child from you, and your reluctance offends me", "The older we become, the harder it will be for us to conceive a child and, most importantly, put him on his feet! "
How much does it cost to have a baby?
Conducting pregnancy - even if you only visit a woman's consultation, you will have to spend at least a couple of paid tests (from 3000 rubles). The contract for conducting pregnancy in a paid clinic can cost from 10 000 to 50 000 rubles (depending on the region of the Russian Federation). Childbirth - can be as free (still about 1500 rubles will have to give to nurses and nurses), and paid (the price of the contract - from 15 000 to 500 000 rubles). By agreement with a doctor, you can give birth to 1500-9000 rubles (the price depends on the qualifications of the doctor, your relationship with him and the region in which you live). By the way, some women (about 5%) deliberately avoid pregnancy for fear of becoming ugly or failing to cope with the role of the mother. This, as a rule, is associated with childhood trauma, aversion itself !! mother and her subconscious rejection. Such cases already require the advice of a psychologist.
Reasons for her husband
If everything is in your case, only in real facts (you are too young, still studying, you have really big problems with money, and they need to be solved before the birth of the baby), you must inform the husband of the rationality of your actions. The main argument should be that "it will be really better for the child". As for relatives and their pressure, then here you must once and for all develop a position for yourself: you live your life, and therefore are not required to carry out someone's program.
The main thing is to appeal not to emotions ("I so want", "well, please", "imagine how great it will be"), but to the true desires of your husband. Ask him specifically: "Do not you want to have more children? At all? Never? So, I'll never be able to give birth again? Do you want to take this responsibility? Do our sons (or daughters) have no brothers or sisters? "If your husband says that he does not want a second child, in principle, but now or in the near future, your task is to find out what exactly embarrasses him and discuss possible options solving problems (start to save money or rent an apartment a little more, albeit in a remote area). Phrase-clues: "The less the difference between children, the easier it is for them and us", "You have the talent of being a dad, it's a pity if you spend it only on one kid." What to look at this topic? "One day twenty years later."
Very much we wait for the child
The planning period can also become a serious stress for the couple. According to statistics, more than 60% of spouses conceive occurs only at the end of the first year of family life (provided that the whole year the couple did not use contraceptives). And what if after a survey you will find some problems? How to behave if the reason is not in you, but in your spouse? The desire to have a child can become an obsession for a woman. However, this is the way to nowhere. Do not forget that you want not just a baby, but a co-child - from this particular man. Mutual respect and love can work miracles. Many couples, having gone through the infertility treatment together, became closer to each other. Remember this and do not allow yourself to blame a partner or yourself. In addition, pregnancy should not become an idefix for you, otherwise the opposite effect may work. So-called psychological infertility occurs when a woman is too hung up on her desire to become a mother. In this situation, you have to force yourself to relax, switch and start at last do not plan (calculating favorable days), and make love.