A psychologist's advice or his neat, unobtrusive comments are often very important. Sometimes couples are so confused in relationships that they finally decide to go to a family psychologist. Gradually, word for word, it reveals the truth that the main thing in the family is a partnership, the psychologist shows them how other types of relationships live out the last century.
Men have to reckon with the fact that we are already equal partners with them. What is important in partnership is the psychologist.
It used to be serfs and women - worse than serfs. Now we are allowed to have our own opinion, and most importantly, we always have our own roles, except those that we play in the family. We are not only mums and wives, but also high-class professionals or simply - the soul of the office :) Strong and weak, gentle and harsh - but still independent, able to survive without a man, if there are no other options, except domestic bondage and tyranny .
Where did "non-partner" relations come from?
Psychologists know that the post-war generation of men is one of the most difficult. The peasants were few, they had special value. This was particularly reflected in the sons, literally surrounded by my mother's care. That's how the women played in the "daughter-mother".
Yes, and still there are two extreme points of view - either the husband-father, the getter, the prospector, who decides all the questions, or the husband-son, who needs to be groomed-nurtured, and educated for order.
In this case, both those and other women are frankly encouraged to be on second or first roles. "Extremists" sympathize and understand them. Recall how many times you heard the phrase "I have two children - a husband and a son." Well, he does not cook pelmeni and does not wash his clothes?
And they envy the "domestic daughters" and set them as an example - here, they say, this woman! For twenty years and does not know where to pay for an apartment! Do not say that it's easier for their husbands. And "in case of what" a woman is not just one - she is literally thrown to the side of life.
How to build a healthy, strong and modern relationship?
Oh, partnership, especially in our conditions - it's a whole art. Poem, to be precise. And suddenly, a woman "sees", wants a "reliable shoulder" or even half-divided duties. And here - "the husband of the house sits, plays the guitar ...", as in the monologue of the satirist Zhvanetsky ...
What is most important in partnerships, a psychologist will say at once. There are literally several criteria that determine this type of relationship. And the first thing that comes to mind - total equality - unfortunately, does not fit perfectly. Equality "in everything" is an anti-example of partnership relations. But complementing each other, mutual assistance, mutual assistance and understanding is the most basic in partnership relations within the family.
We are not equal and not equal
Unfortunately, to explain that the main thing in partnerships, psychologists interfere with ... feminism. In the formation of an associate woman, he played a role, and the Moor who did the work, can leave. Because instead of equality it turns out a form of mockery - pulling the blanket over yourself and "measuring" achievements.
But the men of this "on the neck" enough at work! And here at home - the same!
Men and women are completely different. They communicate in different ways and with different goals. And to separate into different "fronts" does not make sense, since we are talking about some kind of general project, and even more so - the family. Therefore, the main thing in partnerships - do not go to a psychologist - community.
The partnership is united by a common goal. Even if a woman sits in a decree with three children, and her husband earns them all. And reproaches "I, you, oglovodov, feed" should not be - if only the decision to get the third was mutual and thoughtful.
From each according to his abilities ...
The next important point is the division of responsibility. After understanding the sex differences (he understands the map, she - with a snack on the road) will have to share with the mind. After all, you do not want to find in the sink one and a half unwashed plates - to each for himself and for a small child ...
To competently share responsibilities, you need to clearly understand who does what better, who has any aspirations. Perhaps the wife, who (again, suppose) sits in maternity, is very successful in creative terms. And to distract her from writing a multi-million-dollar Harry Potter does not make sense.
Or require her husband to beat carpets every day, if he takes his "homework" from work - because tomorrow it can "play" and bring money not to one vacuum cleaner.
Hearing each other
To "crank" the minimum task from the last point of our task, we will have to learn to hear each other. Do not just listen at the end of the day - but with direct or direct questions to find out what your spouse wants. To be able to express yourself.
And that this "interpenetration" and the inevitable collision of interests did not turn into a swara, will have to sweat. In time to pull yourself together - even if emotions whip over the edge - and do not hurt even more, but listen.
If it is necessary - to obey. If it helps, insist on your own. Not touching or insulting a partner.
Each of us is a Person!
And it is this postulate that is forgotten in the family. All are so close, so familiar and familiar - to every last mole on the left buttock, which is difficult to take them seriously. We saw each other in all sorts of situations - in sickness and in health, we saw each other's mistakes and, alas, we understand that we ourselves are not sinless ...
Boredom, stereotypes, established rituals and way of life - all this can prevent you from seeing in another Person with a capital letter. So, to prevent taking seriously, as a full and equal partner. Let him who does not know how to recognize when his shirt is time to wash ...