The crisis in the relationship between husband and wife

The relationship of two lovers can be compared to a fragile plant in the wind: they have to go through many trials to preserve their love. Someone breaks down, but someone overcomes everything, and their love grows stronger and happier over the years, like a long-seasoned wine.

The famous philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer said that the more people love each other, the more trials fate prepares for them. And often these tests come from where you do not expect. Psychologists have noticed that the destructive activity of aunts, gossips and friends is all the stronger, the stronger the feeling between lovers. A woman in a state of war with a negligent husband will be supported all around. And if she is in love and happy, yesterday's girlfriends can easily turn into militant individuals who will fervently seek out the shortcomings in her spouse and relations with him.

The same applies to men: if in a relationship with his wife everything is smooth, he is happy and happily goes home, and not on friendly gatherings, he can easily earn the reputation of henpecked. And when he comes to his friends to pokozlovit on the topic: "All women are fools" or: "But my bitch yesterday ...", he becomes his man in any company.

There is nothing more destructive than the energy of the losers who came together in relation to more successful fellows. And since there are a lot of problem families in our time, it is difficult not to fall into the cross-fire of criticism of their less fortunate friends in a marriage of friends or girlfriends.

The crisis in the relationship between husband and wife can arise through the fault of "well-wishers". And the more difficult it is to overcome it, the closer you are to the person who is concerned about the purity of your relationship with the other half. Today we will consider only those types of crises in communication between husband and wife, which are provoked by conflicts with one of the relatives-with the husband of her husband.

Conflict with the mother-in-law

This type of conflict is considered the most difficult in the field of family problems. It is difficult to avoid a crisis in the relationship between husband and wife, if your mother-in-law does not accept a daughter-in-law. Typically, this behavior is based on a whole complex of deep-seated problems. This means that they can be solved only with the help of an experienced psychotherapist. All non-professional types of solutions can only be intermediate, which slightly reduce the intensity of passions, but will not give the opportunity to build a truly harmonious relationship.

Nevertheless, there are some universal tips that will help you to improve the situation even if only to the time when it will be possible to solve it more professionally.

The first type of solution is the most reliable, but men rarely agree to it. It consists in the husband himself constructing the boundaries between the mother and his new family. Mom raised her son, it's time to rest and live for yourself. The son himself is able to take care of himself and solve many questions of everyday life and family relations. If the mother does not understand this, it is important to build a psychological distance competently on the basis of the principle: "I understand, but I do not accept!" For simplicity, the husband can master one phrase that at the outset will prevent all attempts by the mother to speak ill of his wife or climb with advice and moralizing . For example, it could be the phrase: "Mom, I understand your opinion and thanks for the advice, but I think differently, and I will do as I think." For starters, you can not say: "We believe ..." If her mother-in-law is too hostile to her daughter-in-law, it will be like a red rag for her bull.

Unfortunately, not always men are on the side of the wife, sometimes they stand on the side of the mother and begin to talk to the couple. Crisis in this type of relationship is simply inevitable. Moreover, it is believed that a woman without illnesses can not live in such a situation for long. Constant stress provokes ulcers, gastritis, miscarriages and even early strokes. This situation can not be completely ignored if the woman is dear to her life. And even if there are no free or cheap psychological consultations in your area, it is worth consulting with online psychologists and reading literature.

There are only a limited number of options to solve the problem of two monsters - the husband and the mother-in-law - on the part of the victim, that is, the wife. One is to help the mother-in-law to establish a personal life. As a rule, women, prone to conflict and jealousy towards their sons, are very difficult. And yet it is worth looking for options to strengthen its relationship with the father in law. And if there is no father-in-law, it is worth trying to acquaint her with men. And unobtrusively and without hints. Often, the establishment of the personal life of mother-in-law, which in our country is quite young at the time of growing up son, helps to get rid of her obsessive attention.

Another way to resolve the conflict with the mother-in-law by the woman is to find a clear place in the hierarchy. Often, a young wife and mother-in-law are in conflict for territory if they live together. And the son and the husband do not interfere in one person, since the domineering mother taught him to "keep quiet in a rag". In this case, the most correct place in the family hierarchy for the wife is the number two place. That is, you need to make your mother the center of decision-making, become the second most, and the husband will run errands for both. Attempts to restrain her husband, to force to show activity and make decisions in such a family - this is only a way to kindle a conflict even more. After all, it turns out that the wife came to a new house with her charter, and is trying to remake the relationship between the mother and son that have developed over the years. This method is not suitable for families in which mother-in-law already shows signs of senile senility, unreadiness for dialogue and other psychopathic personality traits.

And, finally, it is worth mentioning about the third party to the conflict - about the mother-in-law. From her, the issue of the peaceful settlement of disputes depends even more than on the son. It's just that nature is arranged so that the mother-in-law is less likely than their sons go to reconciliation or to try to distance themselves. However, this is a real way to solve the problem. If your mother-in-law came from the world, and you see that she is sincere in her intentions, and does not try to manipulate you, never refuse to talk. Often this is a very simple and effective way to solve all the problems in the relationship with her and her son!