You have a daughter, you are happy, you want her to grow strong, independent and happy. How can this be achieved? A wise mother's love. It is important that you keep this in mind at every stage of your child's life. Only then will your girl become a woman - happy and happy, able to cope with everything in life. So, mother and daughter: the psychology of relations is the topic of discussion for today.
Childhood: become an example for a daughter
In the beginning, you are the center of the whole world for your daughter. This is because the daughter spends the first years of life and most of the time with you. During this period she also constantly learns from you. To what? In fact, everything - how to be happy, how to flirt, how to express your sadness, how to be angry or take care of others. For a daughter, you are someone more than just a mother. So the girl in everything will follow your example: to play at home in dolls, to turn in front of a mirror, to try on your clothes. This makes it easy to identify yourself with their own sex and prepares the girl for the subsequent fulfillment of social roles - women, wives and mothers. Try to make the most of this opportunity!
Tips for the mother:
- Get rid of the stereotype of "my daughter is my copy." Remember, she should not have a talent for drawing just because you at her age had such a potential. Give the girl the right to development in accordance with her personal predisposition. Then the development of her own talents will proceed harmoniously and effectively.
- Much and interesting communicate with her about everything in the world. Encourage her trust, patiently answer innumerable questions. This will help you establish a close relationship that will be a solid foundation of friendship later.
- Allow a little girl to help you around the house in everything. Encourage her, even if you then have to redo the work. Without reproaches, help her if something does not work out. In the future, these skills will no doubt be used.
- A daughter from an early age should see that the parents are friendly to each other, that the mother and father respect her and take care of her. It is important. The girl learns that there is a psychology of relationships, how to behave in the family, how to care for and express love.
Girl-teenager: let her spread her wings
At the stage of youthful formation, any daughter wants to "wean" herself to some extent from her mother in order to be able to try on her self-reliance and maturity. Therefore, when you try to protect a teenager from various threats (for example, bad love, unplanned pregnancy) - she will only get angry and become impatient. Therefore, it is necessary that by this time the girl already had her own experience and her own opinion. Your daughter should not blindly act on your instructions. Children expect us to trust, but do not want their secrets to be discussed. It is at this age that the girl is especially sensitive to any manifestations of pressure and criticism. Sometimes your sad judgments and warnings only create complexes or conflicts with each other.
Tips for the mother:
- Limit control. Do not give yourself permission to read your daughter's email, study her SMS or dig in the drawers of the table.
- Talk with your daughter about issues related to sexual intercourse. Do this, however, in such a way that the questions of sexuality do not sound threatening to her or, conversely, playfully. The girl should hear that you consider it important to discuss this area, as well as contraceptive issues.
- Try not to criticize her friends and girlfriends, even if you do not like them. Rather emphasize your concern for her comfort with the words: "It's strange that Mark did not bring you home after the party, I would worry for you."
- Say compliments to your daughter. Praise, for example, her hair, make-up and figure. It needs your submission for gaining self-confidence.
- Do not try to force "squeeze" of her secrets. Teenagers are very secretive. Naturally, some of her secrets she will hand to your closest friend, not to you. There is also nothing wrong with the daughter having a company in which she is well and whose members she trusts.
- Do not argue over trifles. Minor conflicts (for example, a mess in the room) forgive quickly. When the situation becomes tense and the conflict threatens to upset your relationship - remember, about ... a sense of humor.
Adulthood: cheer and support it
Teenage rebellion is weakening over time. However, the mother often still does not see that her daughter has become an adult. And then the cause of the conflict can be anything: the behavior of the daughter, who deviates from the ideal mother, too rare phone calls home or career is not what the mother wanted for her daughter to imagine. Result? Mother and daughter take a lot of blame on themselves. The daughter does not want to be controlled, and the mother feels that she can lose priority. Sometimes it actually strengthens the control of the daughter's life. Mother constantly teaches her daughter how to live, imposes her own solutions to her problems.
Tips for the mother:
"Let your daughter live her own life." Try to refrain from continuous consultations, phone calls, visits, issuing assessments. This weakening of ties is important, so that a young woman does not feel too overwhelmed by maternal care and has the courage to follow her own path.
- Do not expect subordination from your daughter. Never use emotional blackmail to push through your behavior patterns and resolve issues. Do not use a method, like "If you do not stay at home today - I'll get sick with a heart again. Do you really not care about your mother? .. and so on. Your daughter really does not have to always act the way you want. It exists as an individual. And while she loves you, she will determine for herself what is best for her in life.
- Do not criticize a loved one of your daughter. The girl has the right to her own emotional choice. Of course, she would like her to like you. Try to see in it a positive, rather than constantly pointing out its shortcomings.
- Will the daughter herself become a mother soon? Give her support, but do it very carefully. You can say this: "It's great that you decided to become a parent." As soon as you need me, let me know. " Remember that a young mother should not (and can not) have more experience than you. And your help and instructions will be valuable to her. Offer your daughter help: "Tomorrow I'm sitting with the baby, and you go to the movies with your husband." Such support will be appreciated by your children for the rest of your life.
Common maternal errors
Excessive care and ownership. Encourage your daughter to interact with you to make decisions that relate to her, but do not directly affect her. Listen to the suggestions of adolescents (for example, regarding the choice of school, clothes, entertainment) and try to follow them.
Constant criticism and discipline disunites parents with children. Instead of pointing out mistakes to your daughters, just advise her more often how you could act in different situations. And if comments are inevitable - always do it one-on-one with your daughter (and not in the presence of her friends or friend).
Rivalry. Do not try to assimilate an adolescent girl at any cost. You do not need to search
and act like friends of a daughter to have a good relationship with her. Remember that she needs a mother, not a competitor.
Lack of confidence, anxiety. Preventing your daughter from the consequences of risky behavior (for example, alcohol, a bad company) is the mother's holy duty. But at the same time, the daughter must feel your concern for her, and not an aversion to her life, friends and deeds.
Insult. This should never be between mother and daughter - the psychology of relations does not tolerate mutual hostility. Do not humiliate your daughter. Never resort to phrases like "yes, look at yourself!", "Yes you have legs like matches" or "what's on your head - not hair, but straw!". Thus, you cut your wings yourself to your child.