By 5-6 years, the "ideal" is already ready for 90%. How does this happen? The girl falls in love with the pope, is attracted to him. Naturally, this happens unconsciously. This is how the Electra complex, known in psychology, manifests itself. The girl even can publicly declare: "Daddy, marry me!" She begins to be jealous of him to her mother, while doing her best to be like her. Hence the ruthless experiments with my mother's lipsticks and hairpins, coquetry. All with one single purpose: to charm the most important man in the world - my beloved father. Sexual subtext is, of course, there, but it is not realized by the child. What should be the ideal man - read in our publication.
The first and most important
If parents find the right words - a storm of emotions passes, the child forgets about his matrimonial plans, but the image of the pope as the standard of the man remains. But if the father suffers from alcohol dependence, he is rude, raises his hand to his mother, does not notice his daughter - in general, far from the ideal head of the family - a man will choose a man anyway in the image and likeness. The fact is that the unconscious does not divide the actions and behavior of the pope into good and bad. Unlike mother, the girl accepts him as he is. Especially if the father gives the child everything that is needed for happiness. So, the head of the family can pamper their homemade on the day off with vareniki, but it's too late and too late to return from work. Or be a ladies' man, spend the night outside the house, but at the weekend start with a daughter of a flying snake. And in that, and in another case, the ideal of the pope in the head of the baby is not subject to any doubt.
And I recognize the lovely by ... The smell
You finally met the one about whom they dreamed - an exact copy of the pope or not. But something is wrong. Probably, you did not agree on the smells of the body, scientists say. Nature has foreseen everything: this almost imperceptible fragrance carries important genetic information, which the brain, like a computer, reads. So, if a partner fits the smell, his genetic information is very different from yours. This increases the chances of a healthy, strong offspring. But "chemical reactions" are far from family happiness. Pheromones can awaken instincts, suggesting who is ideal for procreation, but they are not advisers in choosing a life partner.
In the image and likeness ...
Alena's family can be called half complete: my friend's dad was exactly until the middle of her life - up to 10 years. Then he went to another family. But Alena literally a year later her stepfather appeared - beautiful and caring. What was the surprise of Alena Mama, when Gosh, the chosen daughter, was similar to her dad. He also could not imagine a life without hunting and was active in wintering. "I just love him, and my father has nothing to do with it," her friend urged her mother. "And about Papin's predilection for bathing in the ice-hole, I was not aware of." It is unlikely that Alain sifted cavaliers according to the principle of similarity - is not like his father. But the choice in favor of Goshi can not be called accidental. The child's subconscious mind is like "photographing" the pope, hanging the label "ideal" on the picture, and sending it to its depths. The girl grows up, and the image of the future elect starts to build unconsciously. Electra complex can not grow. If he is not allowed on time, personal life can resemble walking in circles of hell. She perfectly understands that she does not like full people, that greed is a vice, and it would be better if her beloved was with a higher education and an apartment than a poor student. The girl does her best to choose men exemplary, but unconsciously and really draws her to those who look like a father appearance and character. And from them she tries to achieve that love and warmth that she was deprived of in her childhood. It's like a substitution of concepts. In the case when everyone is saying: "He is a complete alcoholic, a womanizer, how can you live with him?" - the girl herself seems to understand this, but she can not help herself.
From the opposite ...
In the life of Katya, Papa was always. He is not a bad person, but he never became the main one in their family. There was a time when he loved to drink, then he was going to leave the family for another woman, and it happened, he disappeared from their life for several weeks. Spouse Catherine - the exact opposite of his father: he does not drink, does not smoke, owns his own business, monogamous. What happens, sooner or later the husband will become like a father? Not certainly in that way. In this case, the mind is turned on. As a teenager, the girl understands who she does not want to see with her, and seeks her husband "from the opposite". But, strange as it may seem, such marriages are destroyed more often than unions for love. The thing is the lack of satisfaction. An ideal husband, unlike his father, does not "catch". For a while, everything is fine, but gradually a woman will start rolling up tantrums over trifles. At the same time, it seems to be fueled by the energy of scandals. The husband stops recognizing his wife and submits for divorce. In that the girl pays attention to the opposite of the father, there is also the merit of the mother. To warn the child of mistakes, my mother says: "Look, what is your father - he once again wandered around." After these words, choose a husband in a man who is similar to the one who hurts the family, do not want to.
Fatherless ...
Well, if the father is a fine family man and becomes an ideal for his daughter. But exemplary dad sometimes with fire you will not find - it turns out, lucky for those who grew up without him? Not really. In this case, men can not get away from the benchmark anyway. How it will be depends on the mother, namely, on her attitude towards men, specifically to the girl's father. If the mother does not have enough tact to protect himself from rude remarks about him, the mindset of the child may ripen the view: "Men bring only suffering!". Hence - the intractability with the opposite sex and the diagnosis of the series "crown of celibacy". But, if the girl does not have a dad, a model of the ideal man for her can become a family-friendly person paying attention to the child. Dad is a lot, but not all. Of course, it is simply vital for a girl to be recognized as a child as a clever, beautiful woman and the best. And these recognitions must necessarily sound from the father. Otherwise, becoming a teenager, a girl often begins to seek confirmation of her "goodness" in other men. As a rule, the search for it is active: men often succeed each other, and all of them are so different that it is impossible to understand who is in her taste. She herself does not know. She just likes those who like her. The main task is to compensate for the lack of daddy attention in childhood. But it can not be said that the pope met the light with a wedge. The choice of the husband depends on the values of life, genotype, education, self-esteem and much more. So, the Electra complex, as a rule, suffers from weak people who like to justify the inability to change life by saying "I'm a woman, that's why I endure all ..."
What is he, your ideal man?
To meet a worthy one, you do not need to wait for him to appear, sitting on the couch, or anxiously-anxiously try to see in every counter. It should go the other way. Form the image of the ideal man - not in the head, but on paper. Write down what qualities he should have, and describe in detail his appearance. Decide on his attitude to you. That he should love you is not even discussed. But write life situations and its reaction, which, in your opinion, will be the most optimal for you. What kind of person are you with your man? Describe everything in detail: what you feel, what you want, what you dream next to him. Having created for yourself such a picture of love, you will know who has the chance to become your spouse, and who should not waste your precious time.