Strange phenomenon - the massive desire of the British to divorce in the first week after the Christmas and New Year holidays - for several years, experts studied the British state organization "Help the family." Observations and surveys showed that family vacations are the catalyst for breaking off relations if they already had cracks (in 90% of cases) and they simply worsen, even if everything was good before (in 50%). In Europe, such studies have not been conducted, but psychologists, social workers, and the most ordinary people living in houses with weak noise isolation know that the longer the holidays, the more conflicts and quarrels. And one of the main "culprits" of this situation are, strangely enough, the closest people - relatives and friends, not only the partner, but even their own. After all, to sustain joint dinners, smoothly turning into suppers, trips by whole families to nature, mandatory visits to grandmothers and aunts who are very offended by your absence, and a week-long stay at your friends house, you must have iron nerves and a partner who never experiences negative emotions.
5 guest bonuses
If the communication is too much or it is not fun, then the visit to the guests or the reception of guests turns into a heavy duty. Nevertheless, there are reasons for attending the mandatory program activities. Even if you know exactly the whole scenario of gatherings, you could spend a lot of time with yourself, you do not like some of those present.
1. Tradition is a good thing. "Every first Sunday of the year we gather with my grandmother and eat pie according to her recipe" - it only looks boring and dull. In fact, it is such constant, unchanging events that contribute to our mental and physical health. They inspire confidence in us at the subconscious level, a sense of harmony in the world and soul.
2. Communication with the older generation strengthens the marriage. And it is exactly this, festive-table, when obvious contradictions are not understood and only generally accepted topics are subject to discussion. It strengthens spiritual ties between generations and thoughts about the value of the family in general.
3. Meetings with friends are "contributions" of an emotional nature. The greater the contribution, the greater the interest. "You supported a friend - in return receive her sincere desire to help. Come and brighten up her lonely weekend - she will be happy to save you from a bad mood. No, of course, no one takes into account anything and does not record anything. Simply friendship in itself implies constant feedback, exchange and reciprocity.
4. Holidays - an excuse to fix the relationship. During the general conversation at the festive table it is easier to make a step forward in the form of at least one kind word. And then one more ...
5. Relations with relatives and friends are an example for children. They will be just like you, be friends, just like them, just get acquainted, quarrel and forgive, early adopting our attitude to people and the world in general and adopting it as the only true one.
It's not so difficult
I do not want to go, but I can not refuse. How to endure such forced fun? Sit, fulfilling the family and social duty, gloomily glance at the clock and show all your appearance, how bad is it here for you? Of course not! If you agreed and came, then spend time useful. Or interesting. Or really fun.
We visit aunts, grandmothers and grandfathers.
The holiday with the older generation usually goes like this . First it will be necessary to report: as work, as children, as health. Then try all the food, because my grandmother tried very hard, then fight with a feeling of incredible fatigue and think out what else to say. And the more senior, the harder you will be, no matter how sweet and pleasant people they are. With age, people have less and less emotions, lower mood, and since there is a constant exchange of energy in communication, you inevitably give up part of your. Hence fatigue.
Tune in to the bad
Remember all the most horrible events of holidays of this kind in this circle. How did you listen to the endless story: "Here we are at your age", as you broke your favorite mother-in-law vase immediately after the words of her husband: "Lena loves beautiful things", as auntie cat tore you pantyhose, how long it all went on. What for it is necessary? That the coming visit seemed to you after such a mood more pleasant. Worse than it was, it is unlikely to be.
On a good mood, too. And find at least one plus in the upcoming event. Let it be a trifle like a great-aunt's pate, which you love very much, but personally, they never did, they would have to spend so many times also on cooking it.
Give family care. Nothing will increase the supply of energy, as a solution to positive problems. Declare that you have decided to create a family tree, and you need accurate information about the events of this year. Joint memories, stories and arguments will provide them with a surge of energy, will raise the mood, will make them more cheerful. The family memories act on the representatives of the younger generation differently, but also positively: they remove anxiety and contribute to a sense of stability.
The holiday is a big company (yes even with children) . It will be very noisy. Children first quarrel over gifts, then because of who, where to sit, then just so spoil the holiday completely. And if the company also chooses an unfamiliar one?
Come already "tipsy". In a sense, in a good mood, even if it does not directly relate to the event. Make the day before something that will charge you with a positive and pleasant excitement (buy an elegant underwear, find out on the social networks of an old girlfriend, spend with a partner a crazy night). The main thing that you feel good. Then the party will be more fun. After all, not only events change our mood. There is also feedback.
Plan the fun by the hour. Yes, this is a time-consuming and fancy option. But at the party itself, you do not have to reassure the kids and invent on the go, what to do with them.
Arrange the masquerade. Suits (even if very simple, from improvised materials and old things) will change the holiday for the better: bring an atmosphere of lightness and significantly expand the options for entertainment. And children, if you are in suits, it will be much easier to explain why some uncles and aunts behave so strangely.
Hold hands. If you and your partner are in a circle that is not close to you, do not go away from each other. The surrounding will not care, but your relationship will become warmer: you will feel intimacy and realize yourself as "we".
Part for time. Another option - do not approach each other at all. Communicate with others, participate in general entertainment and at the same time constantly talk with your partner only with your eyes. It will be fun and interesting (after all, the game), cognitive (the look possibilities are very large) and sexy. The evening will pass not in vain, and after it you will certainly have something to discuss and what to do.
The reverse side of the holiday
Many of us can not stand the rhythm of festive life. That's what you need to take into account in order to avoid negative consequences. Let nothing spoil the fun!
Irritability and conflict
Each person has his own personal zone-that space around himself, in which we allow only the closest people, and sometimes we want it to remain free. Penetration into this zone of outsiders causes negative emotions simply at the level of physiology. If the "encroachments" a little, then the irritation will not be particularly strong. And if people in your personal zone are "trampled down" for several days now ?!
Mutual discontent "When your friends or parents come, you are a different person!" - each of us can say such a phrase. We basically behave differently when we communicate face to face with a partner and when we get into a wider circle. Often, behavior changes not for the better for the person closest to us, even if only because we pay more attention to other people.
Stress and a feeling of extreme fatigue
Holidays change our regime. And the compulsion to attend various events only intensifies stress. As a result, the body spends a huge amount of its resources, and after the weekend we feel powerless. It is not surprising that in response to another invitation, there is a desire to simply send greeting cards, thanks and explanations to all relatives and friends that you can not accept or visit them. You have the right to refuse! Reluctance to communicate often manifests the syndrome of emotional burnout. "Medicine" from him - leisure, spent alone or in a very narrow circle.