They can not understand why their parents part, and why their beloved daddy can not be around every day, as before.
But, behold, the storms that accompany the divorce procedure have subsided, and the question arises as to how the "coming pope" will communicate with the children. Unfortunately, not all popes after leaving the family regularly visit their kids and actively participate in their lives. Let's figure out why after the divorce, the father's attitude towards the child changes.
An important role is played by the fact of changing roles: while the family was a family, responsibility for children (it is the responsibility, rather than the routine duties) was divided in half between the parents. In a situation where a man is separated from his family (in fact, children in Russia remain with their mother 95% of the time), he often frees himself from most of the responsibility for offspring. In general, ex-husbands justify themselves by the fact that, anyway, they can not participate fully in the lives of children, because Do not live with them under one roof. In fact, the same man uses the situation to enjoy bachelor freedom. From the father of the family, he, as it were, turns into an older brother, who "flew and fled from the parent's nest." The love of children implies that the parent wants to see how they grow and participate in their lives. But it seems to many men that they are still "in time", they do not think how important their daily presence in the lives of kids is, because children grow so fast.
It should be noted that in European countries - a completely different picture. Fathers are deeply involved in the lives of children and, in divorce, continue to bear responsibility for babies along with mothers: they spend almost as much time with their children as mothers. Dads attend parental meetings at school, accompany kids when attending sports classes, etc. Unlike Europe, in our national tradition, we consider all the domestic routine, including the care of children - "women's business."
In addition, in Russia, as a rule, divorced spouses do not consider it necessary to be allies and jointly solve issues relating to children. Often we see the opposite picture: instead of partnering, parents show dislike towards each other and to annoy opponents - "put the sticks in the wheel." For example, a situation where one of the parents does not sign the permission to leave the child with another for rest is common.
The reasons why, after divorce, the father's attitude toward the child may depend on several factors:
- The father's experience in the parents' family, upbringing. If a man grew up in a family where the father took an active part in the upbringing and care of children: he bathed the kids, fed them porridge, developed them - he adopted this pattern of behavior. And, more affectionate, is responsible for his own children, compared to fathers, whose experience in the parent family was not so positive.
- "Maturity of personality" of men: how much a person is ready to take responsibility for what happens in his life, and therefore for the lives of his children. Unfortunately, some mothers are so fanatical in their love for their sons that they are ready to take all important decisions for them until old age and zealously guard against any discomfort. As a result - an adult, according to the passport, a man, remains, in fact, an egocentric child. He is not ready to answer for his actions, preferring to hide and blame for all the troubles of his ex-wife.
- Readiness of former spouses for partnership in relation to children. It is important for divorced parents to reject personal mutual claims for the benefit of the child. As soon as a child ceases to be a weapon of retaliation for her former husband (wife), but returns to the status of a beloved baby - the quality of his life rises sharply. If parents have an understanding that they need to remain allies in matters relating to common children - finding a common language is not so difficult.
- How much active participation in the life of the child the man took before the divorce. "What we got dear, we love most", "We love not those who are for us, but those - for whom we" - in these words there is one of the keys to human relationships in general, and to the logic of father's love - in particular. If the father before the divorce saw his child on weekdays for several minutes a day - before going to bed, and, on weekends he preferred to communicate with the children a TV set - then, it is not surprising that when leaving the family, it will not become for him, such a catastrophe terminating contact with children. On the contrary, for a man who did not sleep at night with his mother, shaking the cradle that was present at the first step of the baby and blew on the first abrasion on his knee - separation from his main "treasure" - is painful. And, such a father - will direct all his efforts to ensure that contact with the child is not interrupted.
- A man has a new family and children in a new family. It is widely believed that a man loves children while his mother loves them. And - on the contrary: if a man loves a woman, then he will love her children. That is, leaving for a new family, the father, as it were, replaces his child with another, and thereby satisfies his paternal feelings. This is not quite true. Of course, in life there are glaring situations. But, fortunately this is not the rule. However, it can not be denied that, in fulfilling the role of the father in relation to adopted children, a man does not always successfully combine the care of new "wards" with the care of his own children from previous marriages, which often leads to their resentment against their father. And more: a great influence on how the father during the divorce will communicate with his children, as a rule, has his new wife. Unfortunately, many women, out of selfish motives, or, for fear of the fact that the husband can turn to his former wife, with all their might, interfere with his communication with the old family.
However severe the divorce, no matter how insurmountable the differences between the former spouses did not seem, adults should always remember those for whom they remain the beloved mother and father, those who are able, even after a few years, to wait for their call in the door.