Every parent wants to be proud of their child. Everyone seems to think that all children are children, and his - special, unique, with fantastic talents. Perhaps, there are no parents in well-to-do families who would not wish their child good, did not dream that he achieved more than they themselves.
So why do not parents understand their children? After all, everything is going to ensure that parents and children are as good as possible with each other? Or really understanding, attentive to children parents - a rarity?
This terrible concept - "merging"
"Merge" into a single whole, allegedly guessing the words and deeds of each other, not only parents and children. This is how the spouses, close relatives, and those who live under the same roof "grow together". This makes a definite contribution to why parents do not understand their children.
Care for the life and health of the baby, the desire to help him, to learn to navigate in this world are closely related to the psychological concept of "merging".
Merging is a form of relationship when there are no integral borders in the pair, and there is room for illusions between two people - "he is like that, and she is like that."
Other examples of confluence: love, admiration in the highest degree, sectarianism.
So, you have already noticed why parents do not understand their children - because they do not perceive as an individual. Getting used to thinking for a child from an early age, his father and mother are ready to "think out" for him, what he would like and how for the children will be better.
Sometimes it takes the most absurd forms - in the form of careful selection of the bridegroom or bride under the threat of excommunication from the family, or the imposition of a "right" profession.
Listening - does not mean "hearing"
We listen to our child, listen to his babble - and the first time guess what he meant. But if you pay much attention to it, then the remaining cases will remain unfulfilled.
Family dinner, a trip on public transport, going to the store, visiting a doctor, visiting government agencies and all sorts of instances - how many situations when you need to get together and solve a serious question! How many places where moms appear with children!
So, in all these places they are forced to split their attention: the part to the child, the part to the official or the doctor, the part to herself. Real Caesars, capable of doing ten things at once - that's who these young moms are.
The world is not perfect, and we can not devote all our time to the child while he is small and demands our attention. But at the same time, the habit of listening to your child in half, is inattentive, inattentive. " What can a smart child say? "- parents think, brushing aside the baby.
What do our children talk about?
In fact, children, albeit at a primitive level, but understand the parents. They are able to catch the main thing, not especially going into details and adult reasoning. And yet, adults often have no time to explain concepts, situations in simple words.
Even growing older and understanding more, children can not get equality from their parents. That's why parents do not understand their children. And yet children can not be equal with their parents - this part is psychologically justified.
The child tells us about his desires, but the parents are strict and not ready to compromise with the "ignoramuses" (no matter how old they are, two or twenty). That's why parents do not understand their children so often. Hence all the tragedies - "he did not go where we told him" and, on the other hand, "they do not understand me, they do not listen."
Not everything is so scary
It turns out that nature is so programmed that first parents decide everything for their children, and then the children, when they grow up, uphold their rights to independence. After all, what, if not this, is their viability checked?
In nature, everything is conceived in harmony. And the age when children can take care of themselves - this is simultaneously the time when parents put "sticks in the wheel." This is similar to how in the wild, the older generation pushes the chicks out of the nest , so that they learn to fly. And without the "bites", the pain of misunderstanding from the world's only and most expensive - parents - is indispensable.
Understanding - the criterion of equal relations
Only those who are independent can understand each other. A separate way of life, a way of earning and in general - not "brought in the beak and gave", but everyone got it himself. Only between such "individuals", individuals in all respects can be understanding and mutual respect. And with the parents, it may turn out, and until the end of the day there will be a relationship "gave a worm in the beak and gave instructions how to live."
Close relationships with close people are a dream that only occasionally becomes a reality. Blood kinship does not mean proximity in spirit. Therefore, do not be upset if the most native people - parents - do not understand children. They have different value systems, other criteria. You just have to be yourself and be thankful. Parents - children, for the opportunities they use. And children - parents, just for the very fact of appearance in this world.