And so I wanted to change something ... How important are life changes for us? How do you respond to them? When to implement and where to start a new life for a modern man? On the verge of spring - the most renewing time of the year - we gathered specialists on life changes at our traditional round table.
Bulat Okudzhava said that everyone wants anything to happen, and everyone is afraid that something will happen. What is our need for change, what do we need them for? Change is the catalyst for a person's full life. Therefore, a self-sufficient, self-assured person always strives for renewal. But not all changes are welcome. It is no accident that the Chinese curse says: "Let you live in the era of change." Although strong people, even in difficult situations, can find something useful and positive for themselves.
The main thing is to remember that in self-development, as in diving: how much air there is, at such a depth and immersed. This means: in order to embark on new voyages, it is important to understand whether you have enough resources to survive the changes in life with the least losses.
Change is necessary and objective. They are connected with the fact that a person is a part of outer space that affects it. We are born for change, they are aimed at our cultivation. But how to make these changes in your life depends on the person himself. Does he hear that it is necessary to change his way of life and start a new life for a modern person, thinking, approaching events, or is he stubbornly moving along the path that is trampled on? This determines his fate and further development. Each period of our formation and changes prepares the next stage of life. If we act correctly on a given time interval, then in the future we will have the opportunity to fully realize ourselves.
A person has two basic needs - stability and change. Our past and present, as well as a new life for the modern person, stabilizes our personality and makes us what we are. If this changes, we will face the unknown, the convenient familiar stability will be broken, the new will have to get used and somehow adapt. Therefore, all the time we live in a contradiction: and I want a brand new, and scary.
In the life of any person, at least once there was a situation "routine sucked", when even well-being ceases to bring joy. Why is this happening?
Most often, this happens because people lose sight of the purpose and meaning of their lives. In contrast, as an example, you can imagine creative people. What is the secret of their longevity? In the fact that they always set new goals and objectives, they went to a dream that never allowed them to relax and lose interest in life. Therefore it is desirable for everyone, even in everyday work, to find something new and build a new life for the modern person.
This period of downtime is a respite, which, like changes, is also necessary. She prepares us for a new turn of fate. We, in these periods, prefer to indulge in apathy, become heavy on the rise, we either do not want anything, or we can not understand what exactly we want. But in this time it is important not to sit on the couch, but keep your nose in the wind and at least something to do. For example, go somewhere, go, go on a business trip, for refresher courses. You can meet your loved one exactly where you are now so reluctant to go, or there is a new perspective work in the place where you absolutely do not want to go.
What determines the "openness" to change, or, conversely, the unwillingness to change anything?
Often, certain fears are associated with illness. For example, with kidney disease people are anxious, with problems with the liver, they are afraid of life, afraid of death. The changes in a new life for a modern person are often feared by pulmonary patients. It turns out that by strengthening health, you can automatically get rid of fear. When patients come to me on reception with such problems, I necessarily consider it - after treatment of fear leave. Attitude to change depends largely on temperament. Phlegmatic and melancholic often take them painfully. To prevent this from happening, it is important to consider the temperament from an early age and properly educate the child. But choleric persons are real fatalists, who not only aspire to change, but provoke them. Sanguine people also like to change, are characterized by restlessness, versatile interests.
I do not like the idea of dividing people into types. Modern psychology has in the arsenal of so many different methods for the typology of the individual, that you can get confused as to which type you belong. I like to study the social environment, the person and the environment of a person. You can, of course, assume that sanguine and choleric people better adapt to change, but at the same time, the classic phlegmatic Bernard Shaw was an avid traveler and creative person. It seems to me that it's all about upbringing. Yu. Kozeletsky in his work "The Man Multidimensional" wrote about a special gift, personal quality, which he called transgressiveness, which means the ability of a person to go beyond the limits of his own self.
You can refer to the classification of life styles, developed by psychologists. There are people who set specific goals and achieve them, but there are those who just live today, not seeking global changes, achieving something great. In addition, to the same goal, one goes ahead, sweeping the obstacles on the way, and the other carefully walks around obstacles and sharp corners. It is also important how much a person realizes and wants to control everything that happens. In the most ironic plans, unforeseen circumstances can invade. Then the one who always acts only in accordance with his plan is much more stressed than that; who has a certain amount of adventurism, does not seek to control everything and everything. Although everything is moving in a person, that is why everyone can develop different sides and start a new life for a modern person.
I would divide people into those who seek a passion in life, and those who avoid stressful situations and strive for stability. If it is present in life, then more and more clearly and correctly, but also there are no peaks, sharpness of sensations. The latter is more often experienced by risky people. As a rule, this is due to the experience of traumatization - you feel more alive when you overcome a difficult life situation. Someone for this is engaged in extreme sports, someone falls in love, in short, does something that violates the natural course of life. So they touch the high vibrations, to something that invigorates and, as it were, shakes. Some of my clients say: I lived and thought that I would wither from boredom. And suddenly with this person something happens that he did not even dream about, and this turns his life around. Maybe even traumatizes. But the fact is that he ceases to be bored. A new life for a modern man is a new stage for the future.
How to respond to unexpected changes in a new life for a modern person?
There are changes that we choose, and there are those who choose us, there are different ways of responding to them. The first involves focusing on the problem that arises when we change the cause of what happened. For example, if you lose work, to solve this problem, you need to find a new one. This helps to discard self-interest and negative emotions. The next way to respond is to distract from the problem. To reduce negative emotions, you need to switch to something. After that, either the problem itself will be solved, or it will be easier to solve it. There is another very effective technique - building a new idea, rebooting. This is when a person looks at his life with new eyes, builds positive interpretations, finds pros in cons.
Which stages of a person's life are most critical?
The physical body of a person develops according to the seven-year cycles of Saturn. They talk about human development and about a hundred certain stages (7, 14, 21, 28, 35, 42, 49, 56, 63 years, and so on). Crisis moments in a new life for a modern man occur precisely in these years, and men experience it more sharply and brighter. The most difficult period is the age of Christ, 33, which is considered the most materialistic point of life. Up to this age a person lives on at the expense of environment, relatives, relatives, skills acquisition. But already at the age of 33, one has to learn to give to the world what has been worked out, and to live at the expense of it. There are two more crises - the so-called lunar knots. This is 18.5, 37 years and 54 years. They are calculated very accurately. In these critical moments, it is important not to make epochal decisions, not to make an operation, not to conclude deals. Such rhythms of life are normal, logical.
In addition , we also have our own individual rhythms of life. For example, some record that important events occur every 3.5 or 10 years.
Crises are closely related to the moments when you need to take responsibility for your life. For example, at the initial courses of the university, students are skeptical about the correctness of their choice; after the birth of the first child, one must master the role of the mother; crossing the 40-year boundary, when there is a total rethinking of life. All these stages are normal, they happen in most people and are not signs of ill health. Separately, I want to say about one of the most difficult moments for our people - retirement. How painless a person can survive a global change depends heavily on social culture. In our, unfortunately, there is no institution that would provide retirees with not only a worthy existence, but also an opportunity to feel needed and pass on their life experience and wisdom.
At us because of a low standard of living pensioners appear to nobody necessary - as if them popolzovalis, then as superfluous have thrown out. Therefore, people of retirement age and hold on to their seats, not giving way to the young - if they yield, they will lose income, and they will be forgotten. Our situation is this: if you want to change - forward, but it is worth considering that with age it is becoming more difficult to do - at 40 you will not even get a good job. In Europe, starting life after 40 is much easier than with us, and retiring there with pleasure, taking it as a well-deserved rest. I have a lot of contacts with Europeans and I note that at the right time they gladly pass the baton to the young, and they devote time to themselves, home, travel. At the same time they have a lot of clients, students, they get recognition - something that an advanced person needs.
A new life for a modern person is designed to choose a more suitable path for self-improvement.