Believe me, people!
According to the world statistics, the online dating industry has been experiencing rapid growth in the past two years, which means that millions of women and men share my interest in these grandiose virtual projects. Last year, at the annual meeting of the Internet Dating Executive Alliance (an organization that unites the leaders of the largest online dating sites), it was announced that traffic had increased by 12% compared to 2008. The largest Russian websites also noted the increase in the number of participants and the average time spent by them on the sites.
What's the matter? First of all, during the crisis, many people have more free time, less money for restaurants-concerts-travel, and the need for psychological "strokes", sympathy, understanding, intimacy has increased. For example, in a poll on a large international website eHarmony.com, 25% of women admitted that it was the experiences about economic troubles that prompted them to enter into long-term relationships with men. And in those days when the Dow Jones index fell more than 100 points, the number of visits to the website jumped dramatically.
In Russia and Ukraine there is an additional factor: the number of people who have mastered the computer increases, and they are growing older. For example, the Russian psychologist Vladimir Shahidzhanyan, who registered with Mamba four years ago, notes that at that time, at the age of 65, he was perhaps the only one on the site of a man of that age; Today he has 70- and 75-year-old competitors. However, as in the whole world, the majority still make up the youth up to 25 years. But there are also domestic nuances: according to statistics compiled by Mamba sociologists, men of any age are mostly interested in young girls, only 20% of men are looking for women aged 30-35.
In addition , many men are not striving for long-term relationships, and for sex - this is obvious to any user in a couple of days after registration. I, for example, preparing to write an article, also registered on one of the sites, rather thoroughly and "seriously" filled out the questionnaire, but it did not save me from regular persistent proposals to spend an evening "like grown-up people".
Once I exploded: "Have you read my application form? In the same place, everything is written! I'm only interested in long-term relationships! "The answer bribed with spontaneity:" And I do not believe in women! "From which the conclusion follows: sometimes, and perhaps often, even the most" positive "ladies respond to Don Juan's consent. I'm sure that many women on dating sites are also looking for sex. Just such in our society is less than men. After all, we always thought that if a woman changes lovers, then she "easy behavior", and if a man - then he has such a period in his life. Nevertheless, in addition to prostitutes, which are also quite a lot on sites, there are ordinary women who are interested only in sex, not affection. Either for a couple of times, or "regular sex alone" - there is a site and this option.
Brad Pitt and the operator
Why do people resort to the help of a dating site? The answer depends on how old the user is and what his social status is. Young people have always had much more opportunities for real encounters than for adults. Divorced women over 30, recovering from the inevitable depression, start looking for partners on the Internet, because in nightclubs they feel like strangers, usually do not go to bars, most often spend free time with children. On the site you can chat even at night, if you have a mood. So the majority of adult site visitors are socially well-adapted people who do not have problems with communication on the Internet, virtual relationships. The only thing they do not have is free time and habits of leisure outside the home.
As for the youth , then the picture is different. We conducted research, trying to understand how virtual reality: chats, forums, dating sites - is becoming more important for young people than "real" life. Most of these guys and girls are communicatively incompetent: insecure, do not know how to establish contacts. On the web, they create a legend: they change sex, age, social status, come up with "nicks" - masks that are hidden behind them. And contact does not become as frightening as real. You can imagine yourself more prosperous, successful than it really is. Moreover, it is easy to appear in this space and just as easily disappear.
Masks make it almost impossible to get out into the real, but it's not necessary for the complexed young men and girls, they are quite enough virtual flirting. If the rules of the game are violated, serious embarrassment may occur. For example, Vladimir Shahidzhanyan advised as a psychologist one couple, who was introduced to the website. A young man of 22 years, without money, with acne and imperious mother, insolently on the site of a wonderful mistress: 40 years old, financial director, loves young boys. Instead of his photo, the young man sent her a photo of Brad Pitt. She appreciated the humor and responded with a picture of Angelina Jolie. They laughed and agreed to meet. The lady informed CMC that she had bought vaginal balls and some other useful things. Having run into a date, the excited guy saw ... his own mother. After a furious scandal ("How could you, even called a financial director, you're an operator in a bank!"), My mother and son did not talk for a long time, and I had to turn to a specialist to somehow resolve the situation.
Adult visitors to sites also often use the opportunity to hide behind a beautiful mask. One 27-year-old girl, living with her parents, is very insecure, has been sitting on dating sites for the past few years and making romances that never turn into reality. She has some kind of relationship with men, but not long, from time to time. And on the Internet - "real" life and love. However, she refuses to meet her correspondence partners, because she is afraid to be rejected. And I know a lot of such cases. " Many men also never stick their necks in real, either because they are afraid of disappointment, or because they are married and do not look for anything in the Internet, except a portion of safe drive. On the site you can be bright, sharp, sexy, bold, play any role that you do not dare to do in life. Women (on average) are easier to reconcile with defeat than men, so they are more likely and willing to offer real contact.
Because for 10 girls ...
It would seem that if you put your own photo and wrote the truth about yourself in the questionnaire, then the risk of being rejected at the first meeting is small. But in fact, the impression of a man is made up of a thousand little things that we do not even think about, meeting "in real life": the manner of gesturing, walking, talking, straightening hair; smell, timbre of voice, a manner of smiling, not to mention wrinkles that are not visible in the picture.
Then pulls to write something accusatory about post-Soviet men who, having barely reached a certain social status (even if the status of the owner of a foreign car), begin to poke around in women, like a pig in the acorns. And it will be true, but only in part.
In our country there has always been a problem described in the song: "There are 9 children for 10 girls according to statistics. The postwar demographic bias has already been eliminated, the total number of men in the population, I think, is not so much smaller. But successful, smart, attractive, health-conscious women became noticeably more than equal men. There is a process of emancipation, ladies actively compete with men for success and status, and they themselves suffer from this. In calculation, it is necessary to take one more factor. Top-men rarely choose their peers by the status of women. They prefer less successful, not preoccupied with a career, those who will look at their chosen ones from the bottom up with adoring eyes - let him have a beer belly and a bad character.
But women in the top not so often decide to associate themselves with less status men, with men younger than themselves: this is a cultural taboo. And those who overcome cultural taboos, often find themselves in a relationship with real alfonso. But on social dating sites social differences are as if erased. Here all seem to be equal. And men get acquainted with women who in real life would not even look in their direction. True, most often these acquaintances end only with mutually beneficial sex.
So, it is impossible to establish a serious relationship on the site? Not at all. In any office, where at least one hundred people work, there is one who met a partner in the Internet. They have a common feature: after finding each other, they did not correspond for long, sometimes only a couple of days, and then met in real life, - Inna informs. - If a person quickly agrees to a meeting, this means that he is really interested in a serious relationship. True, many have to sit on sites for the year, regularly meeting and selecting, until they find the very one, the only one.
It seems to me that those who do not delay correspondence are more prepared to check their fantasies in practice. After all, on the web we fall in love with a certain image, we project all our expectations on it, impart qualities that we would like to see in our chosen one. And the longer the correspondence, the higher the castle in the sand, the more disappointing it is when you meet. However, I think, a couple of days after the meeting, it's still too early to meet. There must be a golden mean. Otherwise, people just do not have time to feel in each other that the common, native, that they can be connected.
Smart Dating
The "Sieve" through which prospective candidates are screened should be with cells of medium size, not too small and not too large. For example, "growth of not less than 180, a salary of two thousand dollars, alcohol in the mouth does not take" - this is too large a sieve, many potentially attractive candidates can fly through it. A smart woman is quite capable of making a scientist with a small salary of a successful businessman.
Therefore, it is useful to compile a list of basic character traits that are really important to you (caring, empathy and taking responsibility, sense of humor, etc.) and indicate them in your application form as requirements for a potential satellite.
About the desired income, by the way, it is better not to write. You will understand everything after several meetings. But not the fact that after the first. According to the owner of a Moscow marriage agency, many very wealthy people began to go to dating sites, and do it anonymously and the first appointment is almost in fast food - play the game "love me not for my money." I know for sure that well-off, intelligent, successful men over 30 have a need for serious relationships. Like women, they are in despair, because they do not know where they get acquainted with potential partners. I read a story about a businessman working in a male team who complained about the inability to get acquainted with a woman. So bring someone by car on the way from work, "- his friend advised him. I can imagine how it will be ... I usually return home from work after midnight. Street, night, the jeep stops and a big man comes out of it ... Here's a woman walking along the street will be delighted!
It's amazing that so far no one has done business at a decent level of parties "for those over 30". After all, urbanization is progressing, people work from morning till late at night and do not even know the names of their neighbors on the staircase ...
The trust that has arisen on such soil, like a narrow path in the snow, it can easily appear and just as easily disappear. Patients, most often young girls, come to me in tears: "He betrayed me! We were friends with him so well, I told him everything about myself, and he spread my secrets throughout the site! "The mistake is that they bring in virtual, barely emerging relationships too much personal: they are jealous, they consider virtual flirting with another girl" treachery, "even provoke their interlocutors to" treason ", in particular, ask friends to flirt with their chosen ones and jealously follow the results of a dubious game. It's infantile and naive. On the Web, you need to go very metered to frankness, do not force relationships. Even hiding behind an anonymous mask, a woman will suffer if the interlocutor rudely jokes over her, will accompany her sincere confessions with stupid comments.
The risk to run into such trouble is lower, if the seriousness of the intentions of the interlocutor is confirmed by something. For example, in the West, paid Internet resources are becoming fashionable for "decent" people: it is required not only to make a monthly contribution of $ 50, but also 40 minutes to fill out the most detailed application form when registering, so that the electronic matchmaker finds you the most suitable partners.
In the US, according to statistics , every eighth married couple met on the Internet. To grieve about the crisis of the family, urbanization and the separation of people from each other makes no sense. The process goes on, you can not stop it, you just need to include common sense - and use the opportunities that life offers.