Scale of sympathy and love of Rubin
Psychologist Zek Rubin was one of the first to try to put love on the shelves. In his opinion, "affection", care and intimacy are "part of" romantic love. It is this "love cocktail" that can be found in a marriage or any intimate relationship.
- Attachment - the desire to be with another person, support him and receive support in return. Of great importance is physical contact and approval.
- Concern - actions aimed at making the other person feel good. Often, his needs are set even higher than his own.
- Intimacy is the desire to entrust to the other your inner thoughts and emotions.
Rubin went further: he did not just describe the components of love, but developed questionnaires. Answering a few questions, you can find out who you are a person - a lover or just a friend.
Passionate and compassionate love
Elaine Hetfield inspired hundreds of other scientists with her works. She did not abandon her research even when her American senator ridiculed her rather evil. Hatfield suggested that there are two kinds of love: passionate and compassionate.
Passionate love is a whirlwind, a storm of emotions, an acute desire to be with your soul mate and a strong sexual attraction. Yes, yes, clothes scattered on the floor, which no one had time to put down even on a chair, is a manifestation of passion. Usually this kind of love does not last long: from six months to three years. Although not necessarily it passes - passion can quite move to the next step and become a love of compassion. That's why "friends by sex" get married and create a strong family, although at first everything was just entertainment.
Compassionate love is more wise and tolerant. Like a cozy blanket, she covers two lucky people and envelops them with her warmth and tenderness. Respect, mutual assistance, understanding and acceptance of another, a high degree of trust and affection distinguish this kind of love from passion. And you probably already guessed that it does not stop quickly. Such love lives for decades.
Six styles of love
Do you think love is like a color wheel? But psychologist John Lee is absolutely sure of this. He believes that there are three basic "colors" - a kind of love - that, when mixed, form additional shades.
The main "palette" of love is represented by eros, ludus and storga.
Eros - a feeling that is based on the attraction of bodies; it's a craving for the ideal, both physical and emotional.
Ludus is a love-game with its rules and rounds; people behave like players on the court. Often in the Ludus, several partners are involved (so there are love triangles).
Storge - deep affection, closeness of souls, which grows out of friendship.
These three components, present in different proportions, create new kinds of love. For example, pragmatic and balanced, where feelings are based on calculation, or love-obsession with bright bursts of emotions, scenes of jealousy and instincts of possessiveness.
Three-component theory
In 2004 Robert Sternberg proposed a similar concept. Only as the basic elements, he considers intimacy (closeness and support), passion (sexual desire and sympathy) and commitment (the desire to be with man), which are represented already in seven types of love: sympathy, obsession, empty love, romantic, comradely, meaningless and perfect love.
Obsession is love at first sight: there is only passion in it, but intimacy and obligations can not be found there. That's why this hobby is fast enough and often without a trace. Empty love is more a habit than a deep feeling. It is based on the promise (or internal striving) of keeping the partner faithful and willing to build a lasting relationship. Senseless - a concentrate of all-consuming passion and devotion, without due awareness and trust; often results in short impulsive marriages.
According to Sternberg, in perfect love there are all three components, but it is very difficult to maintain. Sometimes it lasts no longer meaningless. Evaluating the relationship of these three components - intimacy, passion and commitment - you can understand what your relationship with the other half is and what you need to improve. To some, this knowledge will make it clear that it's time to stop the relationship, from which little is left.
Love always interested scientists: first philosophers, and then sociologists and psychologists studied this light feeling in all manifestations. And let science deal with facts and experiences and view love under a microscope, do not forget the main thing: cherish close people - there is nothing better than mutual and pure love.
Based on the book "Psychology".