We have all the problems attributed to any crisis. Here and in this case, most parents hear: "It's nothing, it's a crisis of age, it will pass away, calm down." Sometimes, even such children's doctors - psychiatrists, psychotherapists, neurologists often "sin" such advice. And they just do not understand criminal that the crisis in this issue and "did not lie next to". Some even advise that, when the foal is showing its first whims, give it to the kindergarten as quickly as possible. A pier, to the kid simply does not suffice dialogue, he has got bored, there discipline will correct it. And then the parents wonder where the diagnosis of "neurosis" comes from in the child's card, beginnings and stammering, enuresis and restless sleep, the need to take psychotropic drugs. And there and the delay in mental development is not far off (the destiny of 70% of the small "neurotics"). First and foremost advice: if you have a moody and ineffective child - forget about the kindergarten, until you solve the problem at home.
All is not so scary - it can be fixed
It is proved that children under 3 years of age do not need to communicate with other children at all. We are so eager to think that the baby needs to communicate, "let him get used to it, and then grow up uninhabited" and other nonsense. Small enough environment of relatives. The real need for communication in any person appears only in the fourth year, which is the result of the very "crisis of three years". The child begins to master the role-play, in which one can not play alone. Here the kindergarten also comes to help. It is to help the parents, and not as their replacement. Believe me, it's not stupid people who invented the kindergarten just after three years. And before shoving into the collective of the baby just because he "completely beat off Otuk" - stupid and irresponsible.
Most often the child becomes capricious not "suddenly". Just the beginning of this process, the parents manage to catch. This stretches from the time of the baby's newborn, when all his slightest demands were met. Especially if the child has been weakened, sick or in need of special care. But over time, the baby had new needs and first realized desires. It is important for parents to grab a moment when the child no longer simply "needs", namely "wants." What is the difference? In the fact that it is necessary to be in need, it is vitally important, and to want is a personal desire, not always obligatory for immediate execution. What do the parents do? They continue to satisfy everything, as the needs of the child. Amedzhu his desires, intertwined in between, already begin to form the character of a small tyrant. Children very quickly "cut through", that their demands are fulfilled without doubt. They are lightning fast learn to manipulate adults who can not distinguish them "must" from "I want." Here also problems begin. On the one hand, the needs of the child should be met, on the other - his desires need to be able to filter: some of them to implement, and some to ignore.
So, do not give the child anything - it's bad, give everything - it's bad doubly. With the first option, the baby will have limited ability to know the world, the second - there will be no outlined boundaries of the permitted. And this creates an exorbitant load on the child's psyche. Revelation for parents: children need to limit their freedom. This gives them a sense of security. Remember the newborn, as he immediately calms down, as soon as it turns sour from head to foot. The grown up child needs restrictions - it is restraining and calming. So, you just need to stop being too "kind" parents and begin not only to allow, but also to restrict.
What should parents do?
There are certain rules that must be adhered to in the business of taming their little tyrants.
1. Be consistent
This is very important - if you told the child that you will not give him a sweet, until he dies dinner, then this should be so. If you promised - do (both pleasant and neochen).
2. Everybody has his own time
If you are very busy, teach the child to wait until you are finished. Explain as calmly as possible. Be sure to compensate the child for lack of attention later.
3. Encourage children's autonomy
Always let the kid play by himself, even if he does not show such a desire. Let first it's one minute, then two, three. Start playing together, when the child is interested enough - leave it alone with the words "play, I'll be back soon".
4. Do not over-bake the baby
The older the child becomes, the more he should have the opportunity to choose and independently make decisions. Of course, within the limits set by the parents.
A capricious child is not a punishment. This is the stage in the development of any healthy person. This means that the baby has grown enough to make conscious wishes, protest and resent. This is normal. But it is important to keep the process in a reasonable frame so that you do not cry later, do not run around the doctors and do not spoil relations with the baby at the very beginning of their formation.