A woman who decided to marry a man with a child should understand that the problems will be difficult to circumvent. After all, you are a stranger to the child. And before the relationship will be warm, it will be a long time. How can we speed up grinding in the relationship with the stepchild? How to treat a non-native child? There are many ways to solve the problem. But you only have to choose the right one.
Flirting with the childIf a woman believes that it is necessary to pamper her at the beginning of a joint life, to please him, to respond positively to all his requests, his trust and love can be provided very quickly. But practice shows that the stepson begins to understand this, is capricious, offended, tries to control his stepmother, if he receives a refusal in some way. He begins to believe that the stepmother must necessarily all his desires and requests meet the first
requirement.
Become a "second mother"
Do not try to immediately become his "second mother." You can never take the place of a mother if the child has kept a memory of her. He will be irritated by your excessive caress and gentle upbringing. You must understand that a man has only one mother. And the second non-native is not required. This is how a person's life is arranged.
Well, if you become to him not a mum, but just a friend. He will listen to you. You will be able to exert influence on the child and then acquire the right to raise him. Only it is necessary to approach with the step-child gradually. Do not start it from the first days of your communication. Call for interest, let him get used to you and he will express a desire to communicate with you.
Conflicts resolve together
How to solve the problem? Some stepmothers try to move away from solving the problem, believing that this should be done by the father. Let the native father deal with his own son. Yes, this is the right decision. After all, the father obeys the child, he respects. But the stepmother should also participate in the analysis of an unpleasant situation. It is possible that her decision will be the most correct one. Therefore, in the future, her opinion will also be heard. But the conversation should be very tactful, calm. Do not talk about your feelings, ask about the feelings of the child. Ask him that he does not like your relations with him, what mistakes you make, what he expects from communicating with a non-native mother. And the whole family start solving problems.
Behavior patterns of a stepmother
Raise your stepson as your own son. Do not seek to replace his own mother. It will only annoy the child and he will be removed from you. Just maintain a good relationship, take care of it. So gradually you will win both respect and love of the stepson. Problems solve together with the husband and the non-native son, sincerely concerning the boy. Children very well feel a fake attitude towards them.
Eternal problems
These problems are not many. But they have to be solved almost every woman who marries a man with a child:
Children will always compare their mother with her stepmother. This comparison, as a rule, only in favor of the mother. She and the most beautiful, and did everything differently, etc. This comparison, undoubtedly, pleasant to name it is impossible. But do not compete with the child. Tell him that you like listening to his stories about your own mother, ask him to tell more about her. Listen to his story carefully, show your interest and the child will gradually begin to trust you.
After all, he does not want to offend you, just his mother was an ideal for him, loved and pitied him. He just does not understand why you took her place now. Divorce is the greatest stress for a child.
The stepson can aggressively treat his stepmother. This applies to young children. He will bite or pinch, spit on his father, think bad things about you. This is the result of a deep spiritual trauma of a little man. Be patient, talk to your stepson. Let his father also say good words about you. Tell your son how to behave with your stepmother.
An adult stepson can simply ignore a new person in his family. This will be expressed in contempt. He will not listen to the right advice. The reason is the same: a psychic experience. He does not understand how a perfect stranger can take his mother's place. It seems to him that he has already grown up and can solve his problems himself. The help and advice of others does not interest him at all.
Tell him that you do not pretend to be a mother. You do not want to educate and instruct. But if he asks for help, then you will certainly respond.
This topic is endless. You can not state everything in one article. But the typical situations that we have considered will certainly help most women improve their relationships with adopted children.