How to develop a healthy selfishness

A sign of high self-esteem is love for oneself, which must be manifested constantly in all spheres of your life. However, this is just the case when the quantity matters. Excess of selfishness is no less harmful than its lack. But how to find the golden mean, showing a healthy egoism in all situations, for example such ... When meeting
Women, who have little selfishness and selfishness (let's call them conditionally ME) rarely get acquainted themselves. Feel tense and even if the person they like, do not make offers to meet, exchange telephones. Then they endure, scold themselves, that they have missed this opportunity of communication. Those who have excessive egoism (CHE), too, do not get acquainted. This is below their dignity. In addition, they rarely have an interest in other people: when self-esteem is too high, worthy of communication, you will agree, it is not enough. Those who have a healthy egoism (3E) like to communicate with new people. Showing a certain selectivity, they act on the principle of "Getting acquainted is not superfluous, but there we'll see."

What's on the scales? When selfishness is normal, communication is all right. We do not suffer from loneliness, we are surrounded by beautiful people.

How to learn? Communicate on an equal footing with a variety of people ("A very interesting person, and I'm also an attractive person for him!") And support the process: he told the story and you - the story ...

In a situation of criticism
ME is offended, maybe even cry. Any unflattering remarks at work, at home, though on the street from strangers are knocked out of the rut for a long time. It happens that the DOE even refuses to do what it did, if it does not receive good support after criticism. CHE's offense is combined with aggression: "Ah, do not like it? Look for it better!" or "Look at yourself!" She says and slams the door. There are few who want to criticize CE. Only when someone really wants her to slam the door and leave. 3E differentiates criticism. If he considers it a consequence of irritation, a bad mood, it does not pay attention at all. If he feels that the situation is serious, then he finds out in detail what is not pleasant and why.

What's on the scales? Only people with healthy egoism are capable of working on themselves, towards personal growth. And, accordingly, to significant life achievements.

How to learn? Divide the piece of paper into two parts. Left to write all your good qualities, to the right - negative. If one part clearly outweighs, then add a second. Do not know what to write? Come up with it! Exercise greatly contributes to the development of self-esteem. It is enough to do once a month.

When there is jealousy
ME such a situation oppresses, can bring to a nervous breakdown and disease. The husband responded about the new employee, and already there are scenes of the adultery of her husband's departure ... CHE misses many things by the ears, past the eyes. The idea that a partner may be interested in another woman, even does not come to mind - so great self-confidence. Well, 3E so directly and say "Something about the new employee so often you say that you want to see it already and something accidentally overturned it." This, of course, is not serious. Just such people are inclined, first, to express all their feelings, and secondly, to turn things into a joke.

What's on the scales? Healthy egoists are able to forgive and forget - their self-esteem from such situations does not suffer.

How to learn? Do not interpret any of the actions of others as a manifestation of disrespect for yourself.

When asked about something
The DOE can not refuse for fear that people will become worse to her. Of course, all this is actively used ... CHE like when she is asked for something - she is so nice to refuse. But they rarely address her - an arrogant view does not have this. The requests of the CHE itself surrounding people at first willingly, but then begin to shy away in every possible way. 3E likes to ask and to fulfill the requests of others, considering requests a cause for pleasant emotions and an important part of the relationship.

What's on the scales? The basis of good communication is mutuality. 3E, in contrast to CHE and ME in it is sure.

How to learn? It is not necessary to keep records of good deeds. Just do what you can for other people and do not hesitate to ask for it yourself if necessary.

Caring for a child
"In the first performance you were a voice behind the stage, and now - hemp?" ME such a situation will hurt. But to find out why it happens, it will not. Or he will say to the child: "Do not go any further to these activities," or will reproach: "Why do not you ask for a normal role?" CHE has long come to the teacher, and in her mind, everyone realized that the child should only play princesses. Otherwise, complaints about violations of children's rights and the lack of professionalism of teachers. ZE can approach the issue from different sides. She can support the child: "But you will be the most wonderful hemp!", And maybe go talk to the teacher if she believes that her child is really hurting something systematically.

What's on the scales? People with healthy egoism are better able to educate and guide children. They feel, in what situations give the child more freedom, and where it is not necessary to make indulgences, when it is necessary to show maximum care and protection of interests, and when to give the child himself to understand the conflict.

How to learn? Try not to identify the child with yourself, but to see him as an independent person. This approach helps not to transfer your personal feelings and emotions to your son or daughter ("I know better what my child needs", "I have no doubt that he will like it").

When neglected
Situation: you chose a blender in the store, and the sellers are standing in the far corner, talking to each other, and they do not even come near you. The DO will stand and quietly wait for the consultants to pay attention to it. Or he will turn around and go home, looking into the store tomorrow. CHE will not give up just like that and can easily arrange a scuffle and scandal: "Why should I stand here and wait for you to do your job ?! Where do you have a plaintive book?" And it is fueled by a sense of superiority over people and an opportunity to show strength and power. ZE will try not to interfere in one heap directly the action itself and emotions on this matter. If she realizes that she is beginning to be overwhelmed by the negative (irritation from having to wait, the desire to throw out negative energy), she turns on her head: "I came here to buy a blender, so I'll turn to the seller, and what kind of reaction he will not important".

What's on the scales? People with healthy egoism are less conflicted and are able to find ways out of difficult situations, smoothing corners, but without putting themselves in an uncomfortable position. Therefore, it is easier for such people to find a common language with others.

How to learn? Try to stay away from what is happening a little, look at yourself from the outside. This leads to the fact that in acute conflict situations you will behave with dignity and earn due respect.

If you want to change the place of work
The ME will be afraid to change anything: "Yes, I do not like working here, but it can be worse if I leave." CHE either does not work at all or manages to find such a position, where ... too, a finger does not strike a finger. Although she herself believes that she works as a slave on the galley, and the rest are just too picky to her. It is very important for GE to be satisfied with its work. She, even on a physical level, simply needs her business to bring her joy.

What's on the scales? People with a healthy egoism work is always interesting and they do it with pleasure, why their life plays with all shades.

How to learn? Imagine what your life will be like in ten years. And then walk away gradually time ago. What do you need to do and in what direction should you move now (in two years, five years, etc.) in order to achieve what you want? That's how dreams turn into real plans.