Why should we try to forgive parents for everything? Because in this way you make your life easier, you release and purify yourself of your spiritual gravity, bring relief to your soul. To forgive and to be reconciled are two different concepts. You can make peace and not forgive, but continue to wear a stone in your soul, be embittered and feel bitter. And you can sincerely forgive and stop destroying yourself from within. Not having got rid of destructive feelings, a person can not live happily and enjoy life.
Some life problems, complexes, fears are a consequence of upbringing and problems of childhood. If a person begins to feel that he was improperly educated, treated unfairly, there are grievances against the parents, sometimes unconsciously. But time does not turn back, childhood can not be returned and not change the events of that time. Therefore forgiveness of all grievances and fears to their parents will help to solve a number of psychological and interpersonal problems.
To begin with, you must consciously decide to stop suffering, experiencing resentment and pain. Sometimes, in order to do this, you need at least temporarily to reduce contact with the abuser, less to communicate.
If you think that you have been treated unfairly and badly, then you should take all your negative feelings and find out for yourself what exactly you are upset about, for which you do not like your parents. First of all, you need to unravel the tangle of complex and ambiguous feelings that you feel for parents. To do this, you have to dig in your soul, relive resentment, anger, fear, misunderstanding and other various emotions. Without this, it is impossible to forgive. If you find it difficult to understand everything yourself, you can ask for help from a psychologist, with professional help it will be much easier.
After analyzing your feelings, you need to accept that parents are what they are, and they are also people with their positive and negative qualities. They made their mistakes not because of dislike or hatred for you, but because of the fear of being untenable as parents, doing something wrong. They are also afraid that the children will condemn them. Some parents, for example, beat children, furious with their own impotence, and then shift the blame and responsibility on the child, they say that he is to blame for what anger and takes his parents. Fear of insolvency, of course, does not justify such parents, because sooner or later the child will understand that he is not guilty. And then the children will begin to accumulate grievances, and parents - a sense of guilt. So do not do this to the children. But, as has already been said, we are all just people who are prone to make mistakes. And it's good when a person can admit their mistakes and correct them.
In spite of everything, the overwhelming majority of mothers and dads wish their children well, and the way they achieve what they want depends on various factors - from the era, on the characteristics of upbringing and the nature of the parents themselves, on their views on life, etc. .
The next stage is practical exercises. Make two lists. In the first list, write down what the parents did and did wrong, and what harmed you, in your opinion. And in the second list - what parents should have said and done to make your life easier and more enjoyable. Make lists separately for the father and for the mother.
The first list shows what you are still upset about your parents. And in the second - what you expect from them so far. You will have to take care of meeting the needs of the second list or talk to your parents and ask them to help you with this.
Expression of their aggression, hatred and anger will be beneficial for mental health. You can talk with a psychologist or with someone you trust, but you can describe your emotions and feelings in detail on paper, then reread and, for example, burn. This will also be a good practical exercise.
Do not rush things. Forgiveness does not mean that you need to immediately forget the offense. Do not pretend that nothing has happened. Give some time to pass, while actively try to forgive.
Try to build relationships with parents by communicating with them. You have already found out for yourself the main insults and fears, now try to talk about it with your parents. Ask what happened to them then, how they felt. Tell us about your feelings, experiences, dreams of the time. You can find out a lot of new things for yourself. Perhaps you will understand why they acted one way or another, and forgiveness will come by itself. If for some reason you can not discuss the problem with your parents, talk with the psychologist.
For sincere forgiveness, it is necessary to do a huge and complex work on yourself, and the outcome is not known in advance, because you can sincerely wish to forgive the offender, but you can not manage to do it. It's a long way. However, forgiveness brings liberation from pain, anger, anger, suffering and contempt. Try to forgive your parents internally, stop thinking about how many complexes and fears they have instilled in you, and how this affects you now. Do not waste your energy on this. Remember that parents are not eternal. And one day there will be a time when they will not be there. Is this not one of the reasons to forgive?
Remember that you too will or already are parents. Do you make mistakes in raising children? Put yourself in the shoes of your parents. Would you like your children to forgive you for your shortcomings, if suddenly they will be? Listen to your heart and be kinder.
Forgiving, we take care of ourselves and our health, for forgiveness is healing for both the soul and the body. Now you know how to forgive all grievances and panic fears to the parent.