"It can not be like this!" - one of the first reactions to the news of the death of a loved one, in this state our consciousness refuses to accept reality. Therefore, the grieving person at first happens, tense, constrained, no tears, there is a feeling that what is happening is somehow artificial. This is the first phase of unhappiness - "shock." It is soon replaced by the "search" phase. Reality is perceived as through a veil, because often there is a sense of the presence of a deceased loved one. Such feelings are natural, but sometimes they scare, and a man asks himself a question - do I go crazy?
Then comes the phase of acute grief - this is the most difficult period, which lasts from six to seven weeks. Suffering not only on the soul level, but also on the physical: very often there is weakness in the muscles, loss of energy, a sense of difficulty of every movement, pressure in the chest, deep and heavy sighs, unusual decrease or exacerbation of appetite, sleep disturbance. A huge number of thoughts and painful feelings succeed each other: despair, a feeling of helplessness, the meaninglessness of life, the experience of their guilt in what happened.
Depends on the image of the deceased, each thing for some reason is associated with it: a cup - he loved this pattern, a mailbox - only he took out newspapers, a watch is his gift. A person begins to regret that they did not manage to do something together in life.
At last, life enters its rut, the terrible grief ceases to be the main thing in a person's life. However, from time to time a person still feels "residual tremors" - not long, but painful attacks of grief. Approximately one year later, the last phase of "completion" comes. How to survive the terrible grief? How can a person cope with adversity?
- at first you should try to spend as much time as possible with this person. Do not look for any comforting words. Most important for this situation is your presence, readiness to listen to any nonsense, the opportunity to wash dishes and answer the phone call.
- do not remove the grieving person from the deeds and duties that are associated with the funeral. Do not overdo it with valerian, and even more so with soothing agents that strongly affect the body. The most important thing is to prevent a person from making important life decisions at this moment.
- the main task in the phase of acute grief is to create a favorable mental atmosphere, in which it would be possible to recall the deceased, all sorts of episodes from his life. Your own mention will be necessary and appropriate. This at first can cause piercing feelings in a person, but let him express them as widely as possible, without rejecting or criticizing him.
- If after 6-7 weeks a person does not return to his everyday and professional duties, it is necessary to insistently but gently involve him in their circle.
- It should be remembered that during the first year after the loss, birthdays holidays and memorable dates are moments when feelings of grief worsen. Visit or at least call a person these days and be sure to visit him on the anniversary of death. In this last period, the appearance of temptation (mostly unconscious) may be prolonged, as if to remain in it. Whatever the reason - whether the fear of a new life, the thought that the longer you mourn for the deceased - the proof of how you loved him, it is necessary to help complete the mourning for him. Mourning ends - there is memory.
Julia Sobolevskaya , specially for the site