Divorce for adults gives a chance to start a new life, but for children the divorce of parents does not bring joyful prospects. Often children do not understand why parents leave, they have a feeling of confusion, sadness, they feel insecure. The child can not understand that mom and dad ceased to love each other, so they want to part forever. Then how to tell the child about the divorce?
Telling the child about the divorce, you must adhere to certain rules. It is inhumane and pointless to tell him that his father has another beloved woman and that he loves her, will live with her, bring up other children. It is not necessary to tell the child in detail and the reason why the pope stopped worrying about him, for example, that he has alcohol dependence and he can not get rid of it. The kid is able to think in completely simple and specific categories: I love my parents, and they love me. If the child's soul does not have this elementary formula, then he will not have feelings of joy and rest.
With the separation of parents in the life of the child, the changes become obvious, so do not be silent about them, it will be regarded as a deception. In addition, if the child is not explained, then he will be forced to deal with the situation on his own. But the child thinks about the situation based only on his little life experience, childish.
In the fact that the father left the family more often than children blame themselves - this is the most common conclusion that children make. This is due to the fact that children tend to blame themselves and believe that the parents' disagreement is caused by their bad behavior. If children are left alone with their thoughts, it can lead to depression or even a serious neurotic disorder that is very hard to treat. In addition, the feeling of guilt will persecute the child all his life, and may even develop into an inferiority complex. Therefore, you must tell the child what is happening in your family. When talking, it is very important to convince him that you and Dad will not cease to love him. The father should also talk with the child, preferably separately. During the conversation, it is not necessary to tell in detail why this happens. At the same time, do not write to the child various stories about business trips, since you do not need to reassure him ntv that soon everything will change. Better tell him the truth, then he will not fantasize and come up with more terrible versions of what is happening.
It happens that the child is tightly attached to the mother, and to the father does not feel anything (most likely the father worked a lot, was rarely at home or was cold to the child). Therefore, the child will assess tears and experiences of the mother in his own way: "What will happen to me if my mother dies, because she was sick?". Therefore, the mother should explain to the child why she is crying or experiencing. Such a conversation will reassure the child, he will know that the mother is healthy and nothing will happen to her.
For conversation with the child it is necessary to select different words taking into account his age. However, one should not protect the child (at what age he would not be) from the experience, as he will in any case suffer. Help the child survive the separation from the father painless. It is not necessary at this time to send the child to the camp or to the grandmother, otherwise he will begin to feel abandoned and the same. Prove to children that difficulties harden us.
In modern families, divorce is quite a banal event, albeit unpleasant. Show an example to the child that it is possible to come out of such a situation with dignity, but for him it will become a good school of life. Take therefore in hand, do not cry at the baby (only at night, in the pillow), but do everything for the benefit of the baby.
Try to maintain a good relationship with your ex-husband, this will allow you to solve some questions regarding the upbringing of the child.
If the former spouse is married, then try to establish a business relationship with his new wife, this will allow you to calmly let the baby into the father's family.
Do not tell the child that the father is bad, it will harm the child.
Find a new joint lesson for yourself and your child. Do not show your child a bad mood, children are sensitive to the state of their mother. Make yourself and your child a small gift.
Over time, wounds will heal and you will find happiness and peace.