I must say that only in European culture, sexual relations are an intimate affair. In some African tribes, adults do not even dream of concealing sexual activity from children. While mom and dad surrender to sexual pleasures with primitive excitement, their children can watch the process. So to say, to study life in all its manifestations ...
But we live in a civilized society. Therefore, the discussion of intimate life should be civilized. Psychologists advise to pay attention to two important points. First, keep in mind that talking about sex is not limited to explaining the technique of sexual intercourse. Sex - above all, the relationship between the sexes, the attraction of men and women, love. As a rule, this is what interests children before adolescence. Secondly, any "education" should correspond to the age of the child. What can be told to a teenager is unlikely to be appropriate for a preschool child. So try to choose the optimal "format" of the conversation.
HISTORY NOT IN DETAILS
Basics of sexual relationships, children begin to comprehend at a very early age. A small child in 1,5-2 years with interest studies his body and it is very important that he takes it whole. So do not let yourself be disgusted with the genitals of the child, making it clear that this area is terrible and ugly, that it is unpleasant to touch even during hygiene procedures. A child should not be ashamed of his own "device"!
Attempts to explore your own body baby does not leave and in 2-3 years. And he does it with even more enthusiasm than before, comparing himself and his parents, boys and girls. Many children at this age even look after their peers in kindergarten in the toilet. By the way, psychologists consider this behavior not a perversion, but only a childish curiosity. But of course, it's better not to bring this before, but buy a book with drawings of naked men and women (the book must correspond to the age of the child!). Without going into too much detail, describe the difference in the structure of the genital organs. Most likely, the boy will note that his uncle "is big" and he has a small one, and the girl will ask why her aunt has a breast, but she does not. Calm the child, saying that it should be so - his body will also become "like an adult".
In addition to anatomical features, a three-year-old child is also keenly interested in the question of where the children come from. It is not necessary to get rid of tales about a stork - the child easily convicts you of lying or naphtasizes yourself such that any psychologist will grasp the head. Explain that the baby of 9 months grows in the tummy of the mother, and then goes outside. Many psychologists believe that it can be said about the existence of a special passage for a baby in adult women. But do not say that the abdomen is cut - this is a psychological trauma for the child, the soil for a complex of guilt for the mother. Be sure to tell how you and dad waited for the baby, how to buy children's things while he was in the tummy. Children adore such stories, in addition, thanks to them, you can easily switch the child's attention from sensitive topics to neutral ones.
Most children are satisfied with the information received. However, especially inquisitive people can find out how the baby "climbed" into the stomach. Some parents panic, thinking that they will have to Tell a child about sex. They begin to assure that the child "wound up" there in itself. But children, feeling a dirty trick, are asked further, making it clear that the explanation of adults "does not work." The situation is really not easy - involuntarily you begin to envy religious families, in which the explanation "God gave" helps to get out of the situation. What should the rest do? Perhaps it is worth telling the truth, or rather, half-truth, without unnecessary details, which the child at this age still does not understand. For example, explain to him that when a husband and wife go to bed together and hug themselves tightly, a child can settle in a woman's tummy. After 3-4 years, your child is likely to require details, and then you can tell that the child "wound up" in the stomach due to the fact that the woman's body got special daddy cells from which the baby developed.
ALMOST TEENAGER
By the 10-12 years in the vocabulary of a child, there are often such words, denoting sexual intercourse, that adults are horrified (after all, the child is most likely surrounded not only by the offspring of intelligent families). By this age the child already vaguely presents the bed scenes - again, the street teaches (and the TV too). To ensure that children do not receive distorted or vulgar information about sex, and also get rid of rude words, many parents slip them special books about "it." The solution is not bad: "without five minutes, teenagers" are often embarrassed to talk with parents about such topics, and good books help to understand all issues. The only drawback is that the book does not explain the spiritual component of the sexual act. As a result, the child may have a completely natural question: why all this? What is so much noise about?
So you still have to do sex-seizure - this is important for the future sexual culture of a teenager. Shy? Let the husband, grandfather, grandmother, family friend talk with the child. The main thing is for an adult to bring to the child a simple truth: sex is beautiful, when a man and a woman have long known each other and love each other. But it is unpleasant if people do not know each other and do not feel any mutual warm feelings. From the point of view of psychologists, parents are simply obliged to oppose something to a culture that presents sex as purely animal pleasure and an interesting, non-committal adventure.
At the same age, it is necessary to tell the child about the forthcoming physiological changes: that the girl will soon begin menstruation, and the boy - the pollutions. Convince your child that such changes are not terrible and even necessary - so conceived by a wise nature. Also keep in mind: in 12-13 years, children have a first serious love and even first kisses. Noticing that the son or daughter fell in love, do not make fun of them - so you will only push them away, because the children are very vulnerable! - and do not ask for any details. Most likely, the child himself will tell everything. If you see that he is shut up and really suffering, try to talk to him frankly and look for a way out together.
CONVERSATION TO EQUALS
In adolescence, all issues related to sex become especially acute. No matter how much we want boys or girls to remain children for longer, this can not be achieved. As a rule, by the age of 14-15 our children theoretically (and some - and practically) know about sex no less than adults. It's like in a well-known anecdote, when a mother, having mustered courage, offers her teenage daughter to talk about sex, and she asks in response: "What do you want, Mom, to find out?"
However, to tell a child about sex or talk about an intimate life is still needed. But to do this, first, it is necessary on an equal footing, because the child is almost an adult. And secondly, try not to make a horror story from sex. It is clear that parents, telling the children about ectopic pregnancy, AIDS and other horrors associated with sex, act from the best motives. But this practice is dangerous: a child can feel fear or disgust for intimacy. And it would be fine only now - this attitude is often saved for life! And there is a reverse reaction: a teenager can do something to parent "sermons", because in children of this age there is a very strong sense of contradiction.
How to behave to parents? About diseases transmitted sexually, to inform, certainly, it is necessary. But it is to tell you that this is possible, if you do not take any measures, and do not intimidate that absolutely everything is ill. Be sure to educate the child about why you need condoms and how to use them.
What else should be included in your program of "sexual enlightenment"? Use this memo. These are the things that psychologists and sexologists usually recommend:
PARENTS OF GIRLS
- In detail, introduce your daughter to modern methods of contraception. Even better, if she hears this information from the doctor (and if the girl has already begun to have sex, the doctor will help her choose the remedies).
- Convince the daughter not to complex because of the imperfections of the figure. Firstly, what seems to her a flaw, the young men may like. For example, there are many fans of a small chest or lush hips.
- Say that you trust your daughter, but still ask her not to lose her head, if one of the young men will incline her to intimacy. Despite the fact that in our age the relationship between the sexes has become simpler, in the depths of the soul, men still remain conservatives. I. As studies of modern psychologists show, representatives of the stronger sex more appreciate those women for whom they had to compete fairly.
- Explain that not all girls, having begun a sexual life, experience an orgasm. This is absolutely normal and one should not feel defective - with age and with experience, much will be corrected by itself.
PARENTS OF YOUNG PEOPLE
- Develop a prejudice about the length of the penis, explaining that the size in this case does not matter. In adolescent magazines sometimes publish ridiculous figures. Advise the young man not to pay attention to them. And also note that the erection is different depending on the mood, health, etc.
- Explain to your son that you can get a sexually transmitted disease or make a pregnant woman for the first time, so you should never forget about a condom.
- If your son is a virgin, convince him that it's not embarrassing. Say that many of the argument "I just wanted for love" will strike down on the spot and any possible technical flaws will be forgiven. In addition, try to explain to your son that you do not have to try to repeat everything after your peers, "to be like everyone else." If someone from his environment has already had sex, this does not mean that others should immediately follow his example (such advice, incidentally, is relevant for girls). Herd instinct in this case is unacceptable, because each person is an individual, and therefore decides for himself what to do and when to do it. And this is our highlight. After all, if all people looked, thought and acted the same way, we would have turned into robots long ago.
You must decide for yourself how to tell a child about sex or about where the children come from. The main thing - be as honest and calm as possible. Do not frighten or cause distrust in the child. It is a difficult but necessary task to fulfill which is your parental duty.